All posts tagged Therapists

Hoping the Windy City Doesn’t Blow

Chicago
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I’ll be returning to Chicago soon and looking for another couple of fucks. Last time, I received that beefy welcome and another fuck. What I didn’t write about were the #CloseGhosts and other selection of flakes, fuck-ups and general douches in the city.

Massage therapist websites have done this, putting up reviews and star ratings. Unfortunately, the therapists are allowed to hide all the bad reviews. Wouldn’t it be nice if there were a website where people could post reviews and ratings about their fucks. Sure, there’s always a bad one or two. Those could fall off. But what about whether the person is reliable?

And if some evil fucker is just posting negative reviews, well his ass is pitched off the site.

The Plea of ‘Please Fuck Me’

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I turned 46 this year. Apparently, it’s one of those watershed moments in a gay man’s sexual career.

I’ve had them before. When I turned 31, it happened. Suddenly, the immature men in their youthful twenties weren’t interested in IMing me on AOL — hey folks, this is before the wide open world of the Internet. I know most of you kiddos missed that whole world where we didn’t hook up without hook-up sites, apps and Craigslist.

It occurred again at 36 when I no longer met the 19-35 threshold.

And now I’ve skipped beyond 45 and suddenly, everything ancient is new.

We’re into begging territory.

Daddies aren’t asking me to fuck him. Grandpa is. I get more pleas of “please fuck me” from men in their sixties than ever before. It’s not that I won’t fuck a man born in the 1940s. I will. But let’s get a few things out of the way.

  1. Don’t ask if you don’t mean it. Begging me to fuck you when you’re 100-plus miles away doesn’t do shit for either one of us. I’m pretty much tired of the message when there’s no fucking way you’re coming to Atlanta and I’m surely not dragging my ass to Timbuktu, South Africa. My answer now is just to ignore the dumb fuck or answer, “Okay. Come on over.”
  2. Don’t lie. Recently I did choose to fuck a child of the 1940s, but he lied, lied and lied again. He sent a bogus photograph (granted of another man in his early sixties) who had an incredible cock and a decent body. But he also said he didn’t smoke and, bingo, dumb ass, I smelled it the moment he walked in. I also enjoyed the fresher smell as he left the building.
  3. Don’t let this give you hope. If you’re old, chances are I won’t fuck you. Look, I know I’m fucking old. That’s the thing… we’re both old. But I’d much rather fuck down than fuck up. Since this is a top world, I get to pick where I plant my seed and it’s still in a tight young ass. Speaking of which, I’ve got some advice for you old farts.
  4. Gravity is not your friend. Look sweetie, if you’re going to take a picture of your saggy ass, I appreciate the honesty in advertising that you shoot that shot with you standing up. But when those ass cheeks look like they’re swinging at the back of your knees, we’ve got a problem Houston. Lie down and hire a professional photographer to re-position those cheeks into place.
  5. HemorroidsHemorrhoids do not build character. Maybe you do want to show off that cumload spilling out your ass, but three loads spilling out do not make up for the bulges around your pucker that look like you’ve had out-of-control Botox injections. Tuck that shit inside or simply don’t send me those photos.
  6. Grooming costs money, but it’s worth it. Look, at 46, I can tell you I’ve got hair growing out of places I never thought I’d have hair. I fucking hate that my stylist doubles as the waxer for my earlobes. But my cute, young thing earns an extra twenty for ripping that shit out. And that strange pubic puff at the small of my back? Well, let’s just say, no one has to see that, even though the only people seeing my back are massage therapists.

All that said, stop the madness. You want fucked by me, be honest, upfront and nearby.

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Elite Male Massages Just a Rebranded Aveda Robert

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Changing His Brand & His Price

Elite-Male-Massages-Atlanta

Robert

Also known as Aveda Robert Opens new window of a page on this blog
Advertises on Craigslist.org in Therapeutic Services Open-New-Window-External
Also lists himself at EliteMaleMassages.com Open-New-Window-External

Highlights

bullet White male, thirties, beefy, claims to be bisexual but married to a woman, Woodstock/Kennesaw/Marietta area of Atlanta’s Northwest Suburbs
bullet Massages fully clothed
bullet Swedish with some sports incorporated
bullet Massages on professional table, usually at your home
bullet Starts at $135 an hour — way overpriced compared to others but does travel to the farther Northwestern Suburbs

bullet 
Will provide awkward happy ending, roughly handling cock
two-and-a-half-stars out of five stars rating

When I wrote about Robert Opens new window of a page on this blog originally, I called him “Aveda Robert,” due to his affinity for the company’s products. His preference for these high-end products seemed to attempt to make up for his own shortcomings in the bodywork arts.

I’m not alone in those opinions.

Another reader agreed, sending a comment to this blog Opens new window of a page on this blog, even suggesting that his license could be fraudulent.

As anyone with a little marketing knowledge knows. Bad press? Time to rebrand.

That’s what Aveda Robert has done. He’s not completely shed his love for Aveda products, still mentioning it on his new website and mentioning in his ads that “we… pride ourselves in using only the best products.”

I’d be happy with Jergen’s Lotion if I got a really good massage.

What did you think of Robert’s massage?

If you had a massage by Robert, rate it on this page.

Also comment on this page at the bottom.

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Aveda Robert: More Substance than Technique

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More About the Product than Technique

Robert

Advertises on Craigslist.org in Therapeutic Services Open-New-Window-External

Highlights

bullet White male, thirties, beefy, claims to be bisexual but married to a woman, Woodstock/Kennesaw/Marietta area of Atlanta’s Northwest Suburbs
bullet Massages fully clothed
bullet Swedish with some sports incorporated
bullet Massages on professional table, usually at your home
bullet Generally costs $150 or overpriced compared to others but does travel to the farther Northwestern Suburbs

bullet 
Will provide awkward happy ending, roughly handling cock

robert-avedatwo-and-a-half-stars out of five stars rating

Robert loves his Aveda products. And you will hear all about him and Aveda. He always has something new from Aveda and will often brag about it. He will brag about all the work he does, who he massages. He won’t get into any specifics. After all, he’s in the “music biz.” But he knows people. And he claims they’ve experienced the best in massage from him.

If this is his best, then you’re not in for a treat.

Robert is truly a nice guy and maybe he believes his own bullshit, but it’s all that: Bullshit. Robert can, when he feels like it, deliver a good massage. I’ve engaged him three times (because he lives near me) and sometimes it’s damn good. But too often, it’s just okay. I’ve been left wanting, both from the happy ending and the massage. He gets so wrapped up in telling me just how good he is to actually be good.

He is married with a couple of kids, so if your fantasy is to get jerked off by a married guy, then all means, hire him. And Robert can talk a big game about getting fucked. But when it comes down to it, he doesn’t really want it. He’ll just provide a solid massage, ask you a few provocative questions and attempt to jerk you off. He’s not very skilled at the jerk off practice either.

It’s awkward.

I mean, it’s like he’s slapping a hot dog against a wall. I like a bit more fineness than that.

All the while, he’s telling you about the last hot chick he massaged and her wet pussy. Not really my cup of tea. But okay there. Maybe it’s yours.

What did you think of Robert’s massage?

If you had a massage by Robert, rate it on this page.

Also comment on this page at the bottom.

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Bryan: Talks a Big Game But Can’t Deliver Intimacy

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Rating: 1.0/5 (1 vote cast)

Talks a Big Game But Can’t Deliver

Bryan Kelly

Profile on MasseurFinder.com as Ecstasy Spa Open-New-Window-External and MassageM4M.com as Mixed Massage Arts Open-New-Window-External
His profile is also listed on RentBoy.com as Bryan Kelly XXX Open-New-Window-External
His online cell is listed as (404) 668-3123

Highlights

bullet Claims thirties but actually in his forties (although photographs well), white, dirty blond curly hair, photos improve on reality
bullet Massages nude or in shorts
bullet Claims several modalities including body scrubs, deep tissue, hydrotherapy (he showers with you or may float in the hot tub with you), reflexology, sensual, shiatsu, Swedish, tandem massage (in other words, mutual touch allowed), Thai, Watsu, Yoga instruction
bullet Massages on a mattress on the floor in a room dedicated to massage; it is not ideally set up for massage; it’s empty and uses the speaker of his iPod to project some sound
bullet He has a roommate who is often present in the house and I sense was jealous of what was occurring but did not interfere
bullet Just north of I-285 (the Perimeter) in Sandy Springs
bullet One note: While Bryan will claim he is not a “smoker,” he is an intense user of marijuana as a self-medication to his attention deficit; this lack of attention is prevalent throughout the session and the smell of smoke well beyond pot permeates both him, his breath and the residence, which could use a good cleaning
bullet Bryan also works as an escort

two-and-a-half-stars out of five stars rating

Bryan-Kelly-Massage-AtlantaI know I shouldn’t get high hopes. After all, everybody lies. But the description Bryan Kelly once supplied on one of his online entries was just too enticing to pass up. He’d wash you off in the shower and then begin the massage in a hot tub before moving to a table to continue the ecstasy that would bring your whole body to a shuddering end.

Now I’ve been extraordinarily explicit about my thing when it comes to smokers Opens new window of a page on this blog, so I always ask about that particular vice. And Bryan, like most, answered in the negative. Indeed, he didn’t with one caveat. His vice for smoking happened to be the Mary Jane and that vice proved to be in-tense. So intense, he might as well been smoking Marlboro Menthol’s.

Considering his body was as good as it was, I did struggle a little. But up close, you could tell the lie he expounds online — that he’s in his thirties. He’s not. He’s in his mid-forties. Now I happen to be in my mid-forties and it wouldn’t have stopped me from engaging him. But what the photos do not show is that the blond hairs are really more silver than gold.

He had a bit more sag than we can see and more wrinkles.

Nonetheless, Bryan is extraordinarily good looking. And he does have a good personality, if a bit chatty. He’d build up some good sexual tension then break it with a conversation. Not something I’d expect, except perhaps he wanted it to happen because he doesn’t “fuck” with massage clients. I’d need to be a different client for that — in particular, one for his RentBoy.com profile Open-New-Window-External.

As expected, his massage lacked detailed technique and focus. He’d get distracted and not quite go symmetrically. With most massage therapists, they’d work on the left side for a while then the right for an equal amount of time. Not so with Bryan. That lack of focus really cut into his value of points.

But his good looks and nice personality does make up for some of it.

In the end, because he did get me off with a little oral action, he charged me extra. Not something I thought was fair since his constant chatter never took advantage of the opportunity to build up some sexual tension. I know we’re in an odd, awkward situation, but for goodness sake, we can generate a little sexual tension.

Bryan-Kelly-Massage-Atlanta-2That said, he is a nice guy and his ability at massage isn’t completely horrible. He’d greatly benefit in a professional table investment, allowing him to put some pressure on the client. He’d also better be able to identify problem areas that need work in the therapeutic portions of the time.

And like Antonio Opens new window of a page on this blog, where pricing keeps changing, Bryan needs to choose a rate and stick to it. If he needs to resort to oral to getting a guy off, pricing doesn’t go up $50 because his hand skills can’t seem to work enough magic.

Truth was he just didn’t shut the fuck up long enough and let me concentrate on his body. His mouth kept opening and instead I kept hearing too much crap rather than butch sex talk.

What Do You Think of Bryan Kelly?

Bryan-Kelly-Massage-AtlantaRate Bryan if you’ve been to him by clicking the star rating on this page.

Also take a moment to write you own UNCENSORED review below in the comments section. Unlike the massage sites, iBLASTinside.com prints all reviews, negative and positive.

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