Tag Archives: Sexual health

Q&A: The Truth About “Safe” Fuckers and Forbidden Pleasures of Bare

Q&A: The Truth About “Safe” Fuckers and Forbidden Pleasures of Bare

A note from Mark: I received this as a comment from a reader. I thought it deserved to be an entire post as I addressed it.

 

letter-qI am an exclusive bottom guy who loves bareback sex and loves cum. I tend to be upfront about it and what I want.

What I find from the tops (who want it “safe”) is essentially the same as the bottoms who want it “safe.” They never have condoms but insist on using them. Interesting when I start by proposing to use condoms, responses to my posts seeking a top is ridiculously high.

Then they never want to use condoms when we actually fuck.

On the converse, when I specifically advertise for BB only, I get far fewer responses. So what the fuck?

Do the tops who want stealth really just looking to get off on deceiving someone? I can play that game if that is what works for you guys. You seem to be turned off by the direct “I want your bare cock and cum in my ass.” But yet if I pretend I want a condom on your cock, then I can suddenly get all the bare cock I want. any thoughts?

 

letter-aThe answer is more simple than it seems.

“I’ve never done this before.”

“I’m a virgin”

“Just this one time.”

“Just put in the tip.”

Tops prefer bareback and I’d propose three out of four men fuck without condoms. Truth is, even when I get hit up, someone will say “safe only” to me only to learn I’ll only bareback. At some point, the horny bottom will decide he wants it too much and will ask me not to cum in his ass.

In the end, he’ll go home with a load in his ass.

The tops want the appearance that they’re fucking a virginal asshole without the risk of any sexually transmitted infections. You see, the condom Nazi lobby generated this impression that all that is bareback means it’s disease.

If you’re a bare-loving top who hasn’t faced the facts about the risks you’re taking, you think if you get a condom-preferred bottom who lets you in his ass raw will reduce your chance of getting something “bad.”

Of course, nothing could be further from the truth.

Barebackers tend to be in tune with their bodies. They know their statuses with any such stuff.

Other than chasers and gift-givers, true barebackers are among the safest to fuck. But many would much rather pretend.

It’s got nothing to do with stealthing. It has everything to do with deceiving oneself.

So post your ads for both raw and wrapped. Or don’t specify. And then given the choice, most will choose raw. If not, that’s when the stealthing fuck begins.

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The #BBBH Belongs to No One

Some of you don’t give a shit about this internal raging debate. I wish I didn’t need to write this posting.

The Bareback Brotherhood is a movement formed out of the necessity of confusion. What does it mean to be a barebacker? Can one be a serosorting, monogamous-only cum-hound? Or does being a barebacker mean bug-chasing, stealth-advocating, anonymous fuckers only?

The answer is yes. And no.

To bareback means both, all of the above and none of it. Whatever one thinks about barebacking, you’ve limited yourself.

When we formed the Bareback Brotherhood and I coined the hashtag #BBBH and phrase, we did so with the understanding that it was for the freedom of that very sense of what it means to be a barebacker. For far too long, the safe sex Nazis had defined fucking as a plastic barrier between men.

We needed to remove the barrier and show that men could choose another path. That choice was one that men could make. It says so on our website: “We agree on one thing — sex between men without barriers is natural and a legitimate choice. As consenting adults, skin-to-skin intimacy should be a choice that is not demonized or marginalized.”

The Attacks of RawTop

RawTop runs the website BreedingZone.com, which has carried an RSS feed of my blog and many other bareback bloggers. If you visit BreedingZone or RawTop’s blog, one is bombarded with porn advertisements, which he says are a convenience.

On Sunday, RawTop e-mailed me and told me he’d purchased BBBH.com and planned to build a hook-up website to compete with BarebackRT.com. In exchange for my (and other BBBH cofounders endorsement), we’d get free “recognition and enhanced memberships” on the site along with t-shirts.

I entertained the notion. I’ve made no secret that the cyber attacks have continued on this and the BBBH website has cost me time and money I  simply do not have.

At the same time, though, RawTop posted on BreedingZone that I’m “so focused on stealthing” that it’s tainted the BBBH brand. He told me he’d need to write very clearly on his hook-up site that stealthing it was a position he did not advocate, he didn’t like and that he would separate himself and the “brand” from me.

While I couldn’t give a shit about what RawTop thinks about me, what I didn’t like was how he would take the #BBBH and begin to define it.

In other words, RawTop would begin to restrict what it meant to be in the #BBBH movement. Despite his own BreedingZone includes strings of conversation in “The Backroom” for gift-giving and bug-chasing that includes a lot of stealthing content.

Some Barebackers Will Not Be Welcome at BBBH.com

Would RawTop prevent bug-chasers or gift-givers fr0m joining? The answer is yes.

I suggested that RawTop turn BreedingZone.com into a hook-up site rather than attempting to take over the #BBBH brand.

He wrote me: “All the bug chasing discussion on Breeding Zone turns off a lot of people. It’s a bit tainted in that way – too many people don’t want to be associated with bug chasing so Breeding Zone can’t effectively be turned into a hookup site.”

In other words, if you advocate certain positions, you will not be welcomed at BBBH.com.

That directly opposes the founding principals of the #BBBH.

It is for this reason I cannot advocate, endorse and, in fact, I must oppose the development of this website. The #BBBH is all encompassing when it comes to skin-to-skin contact.

What next? No Poz barebackers allowed? Would one be required to submit proof of one’s status on the new and improved BBBH.com to have an enhanced profile? Maybe only neg guys could see other neg guys?

Perhaps RawTop could connect directly with local labs and get a CD4 and viral load count so Undetectables won’t mix with Poz. Maybe we’ll check your meds.

RawTop Wants Your Money

“To be clear – I make my money off the bareback community,” he wrote me.

To be clear, I don’t make any money off the bareback community. If you’ve logged onto BBBH.me, you’ll notice I’ve got a complete hands-off approach. I also don’t write about stealthing there. There’s no ads there.

The Bareback Brotherhood is one without restrictions, without plastic, without barriers. And RawTop is putting them in place. He is saying that certain people will not be welcomed on his new site, although I imagine his greed will eventually allow him to accept the funds from them before he kicks them to the curb.

The #BBBH Cannot Belong to Him

As I explained to RawTop, BBBH is a movement like Occupy Wall Street. It has custodians, sure. We are here to make sure no one profits from the movement.

A porn company recently contacted me, asking if they could do a video named #BBBH. I explained to the producers, each of them could be members of the #BBBH, as could the actors. We’d welcome that. But a video of that name would prove limiting to the ideals for which the Brotherhood stands.

The producers respected that and did not name the video.

This is just one example of many to set a precedence that the #BBBH cannot become the solely owned hook-up domain of RawTop.

I Did Not Want This

This is where I supposedly “threatened” a lawsuit. I just suggested that he might do better to invest in a different effort, not taking the brand built by so many brothers using our hashtag.

RawTop moved this debate into the public forum. I didn’t. I do not relish this battle. No one wins when the bareback community battles. Just because I don’t want the #BBBH to back a commercial venture against BarebackRT.com seems bizarre.

I can hope that RawTop steps back and thinks carefully about his impact on the overall community rather than how to line his pockets with more.

As he said, “To be clear – I make my money off the bareback community.”

To be clear, I don’t.

What do you think about this?

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Stealthing, Stealth, Stealth Fucking

Q&A: Just Pozzed Out and My Viral Load Is High. Should I Continue to Stealth?

Occasionally, I get e-mails from my readers asking questions. With permission, I answer them here.

 

QuestionI love your blog and your stories. I’m a versatile and sometimes get fucked and sometimes do the fucking. I since I’ve hit 30, I just really couldn’t stand using the condoms any more. But some guys insisted.

Then I found your blog. And read all about the whole stealth thing.

I get your point. You wrote about it as a warning to guys but you know, a lot of people are dumb and all. I had to get the cum in my ass and I needed to breed too. I made lots of condoms with pinprick holes. I always had condoms on me. Fuck, I even had friends ask me and I gave them away. I’ve left them around sleazy gay bars.

I finally got a poz test, which doesn’t bother me at all. Barebacking is a hotter experience now. Now I really think I’m breeding a guy and it’s taking hold.

My viral load is high. Man, I’m toxic, with millions swimming in me. I’m trying to decide if I want to go on meds or just continue to fuck my way through the world for a while.

But I’m having second thoughts about stealthing or slipping one of my special condoms on a top fucking me.

What would you do?

 

AThe question is where you meet these potential fucks.

There’s this hideous gasp among some fags that an anonymous hook-up should be an honest exchange of information and despite the numerous dishonest exchange about age, weight, etc. prior to someone’s dick going in someone else’s mouth, it’s some sort of cardinal sin if a condom isn’t used.

Never mind how we kill ourselves with crystal meth, smoking and booze.

But those choices are addictions and diseases while bareback fucking is wrong, wrong, wrong!

In my opinion, you should go on meds. Anything to keep more bareback fuckers fucking, I’m in favor. It’s between you and your doctor how aggressive  you want to be with the millions of friends you’ve got swimming around inside you now.

(And for any chasers, let me know who you are and I’ll consider sharing my toxic buddy’s info with you — with his permission — share his with you. You might want to include a pic.)

When I stealth, it’s usually a place like an adult bookstore or sex club. I was just there the other day and the fucking bottom I slipped my cock into pulled me out and insisted I wear a condom.

He didn’t provide one, mind you. I needed one.

I provided one. And he got a nice ride out of it and I got what I wanted. Interestingly enough, he kept checking to see if the condom was on, so I couldn’t rip it off. I didn’t need to do so because the fucker missed the point.

You want to be “safe,” you control the scene.

I brought my own “condoms,”  which in the darkened room he couldn’t see each one lacked the full tip (not just the pinhole prick you use).

Guess what fucker? You were loaded!

Now this little tweaker, who was in a darkroom and never saw me or anyone else who fucked his hole. If I know what goes down in these dastardly places, I also wasn’t the only one to stealth that day.

Let’s discuss the logistics of the whole thing.

The guy I fucked was a slut. And while there’s plenty of DNA evidence in his ass, who’s to say the condom didn’t fail or, despite my words here, he didn’t give me a condom that was broken and I was the one duped. As we both know, that’s a possibility as well.

If you’re inviting men over to your place and fucking them at your house… well, that’s just another story. I’d personally never use the broken condom bit in private one-on-one condom bit.

Spike-ItThat said, I have (on occasion) not honored the request to “pull out” in a timely manner. If the bottom is stupid to let me inside to play, I’m going to finish the game and score the touchdown. Truth is, most of the time they end up begging for it there anyway.

I’d also be a little careful about distributing sabotaged condoms. Anyone to simply pickup free condoms and expect them to work are stupid, but your fingerprints are probably on them and, well, I’d hate for some vengeful faggot to track you down (and in your city, they would).

After all this chatter, let’s boil it down:

Yes, Do…

  • Fuck raw. If the opportunity presents itself, fuck raw.
  • Go on meds. 
  • While you’re toxic, seek out chasers and gift. 
  • Stealth in sleazy places where bareback sex is the norm.
  • Stealth as a bottom.

No, Don’t…

  • Distribute sabotaged condoms anymore anywhere. 
  • Stealth as a top in one-on-one hook-ups

Best of luck and enjoy your new status. And don’t let the Aryan bastards get you down.

 

I love the occasional questions, so please send them along to iblastinside@gmail.com.

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Here's some ideas

A Message to the Safer Sex Community: Face the Fucking Reality of Bareback Sex

I’m on Scruff and 25-year-old cutie hits me up, basically begging me to fuck him.

It’s rare for that to happen. I’m two decades his senior. Of course, some young ones do chase older men. Usually this much enthusiasm can be attributed to men who recognize me as the writer of this blog. But several minutes into the conversation and nothing about my blog has come up.

After he’s hinting how much he wants his legs lifted into the air and he’s forwarded two photos of men fucking him — both using condoms. I finally cross into the territory of truth.

no bb ever. well, maybe

Even with the little “iBLASTinside” hint, the boy doesn’t connect the dots and, well, it’s a while before I point him to my blog.

He’s one of hundreds. The “safer” hoards who suddenly give up their convictions once they’re away from peer pressure.

Half of Gay Men Admit to Barebacking; The Other Half Lie

Recently, the gay press reported something like half of all gay men reported they barebacked.

The half that said they didn’t? Most of them lied.

I’ll even bet you that if the scientists conducted the study lined up the men with who fucked whom, they’d discover portions of men who had a sexual encounter and a portion would say they barebacked while the other half would say they were “safe.”

This wall of deniability exists. I’ve even seen it (and written about it). It’s not something so bold as stealthing Opens new window of a page on this blog.

I’ve had bottoms ask if I have condoms. I say yes. He comes over and ignores the condom. He just rides my cock. I don’t ask if I can cum inside. I just do.

Just Like the Right Wing & Abstinence

The AIDS and HIV education community have become just like religious conservatives are with sex education and their insistence that only one path exists: Abstinence. The right wing fails to face facts that teenagers will have sex and won’t promote birth control including the pill or condom use. Moreover, if a pregnancy happens to occur, one must carry that baby to term.

But the more progressive want to teach the straight youth of America how to minimize the risk of disease transmission and possible pregnancy.

Condom Nazis haven’t gone progressive at all. They see just one option. Use a condom. They can’t even fathom people refusing to wear the horrible plastic thing that deflates a hardon.

Look, let me make this perfectly clear.

No matter how many public service messages put out that say, “Safe sex is hot sex,” may work on the brain, but it’s not working on the cock.

People just don’t want to face the fact that barebacking is better than sex with a condom. As I compared it once, it’s like standard-definition versus high-definition television Opens new window of a page on this blog.

Reality Check

Men will fuck without condoms. Face it. Stop being judgmental. You can block the #BBBH hashtag Open-New-Window-External on Twitter or defriend them on Facebook, thinking that it’s alienating them. But it’s not. Barebacking is a movement that’s growing.

Again, half of all gay men admit to doing it and that means there’s more who do it. Bareback porn is growing faster than anything else out there.

We have to face these facts. Now let’s find a way to stem the tide of disease transmission while still letting men bareback if they so choose.

This is like handing out clean needles to drug users. It’s controversial. I get that.

But I am not stopping my barebacking. And I am watching hundreds of thousands of men who won’t either.

I’ve got some suggestions for over-the-counter products that should be developed and provided as an option to those who choose to bareback.

lightbulb_on Virus-Killing Lube

Like a spermicidal lubricant, this would be a lube meant to be deadly to HIV and Herpes. If used as lube, it’s a means to help kill any free-floating viruses that come into contact with it. Of course, it’s got to be mild enough for the intestinal lining to handle it but strong enough to kill those little microscopic bugs.

lightbulb_on Accordion Squeeze Bottle Virucidal Douche

Before and after the fuck, the bottom should douche with this mild concoction. Especially in combination with the lube, the more killing of any HIV or Herpes hanging around in the cum. I have a bottom friend who normally carries around an accordion squeeze bottle (like seen here to the right) that he uses after he’s bred to flush out the cum.

I know. There’s something romantic about the DNA staying inside the bottom. And I’ll admit that I like marking my territory.

But I’m coming up with a solution here and this is reasonable.

lightbulb_on Clear or Latex Paint Assliner

Transmission of HIV normally occurs through fissures in the lining of the intestinal walls.

This idea may reduce the sensation of the bottom so it could be bad idea, but like the latex paint people spread on the body or the invisible bandages, the bottom would put this into their ass to create a protective layer to help prevent any issues with the anal cavity.

lightbulb_on Plan B for HIV Available OTC

Plan B refers to the “day after” pill for women who might have gotten pregnant the night before. Because of the controversy around abortion, many jurisdictions and politicians believe life begins at conception. Plan B provides for pregnancy prevention by inhibition of ovulation Open-New-Window-External. In order to get Plan B, a doctor must prescribe it and, in certain jurisdictions, certain women require parental permission.

Likewise, it’s been found that taking antivirals following possible exposure to HIV will inhibit the transmission. Of course, one can go to one’s doctor and request a certain supply, which goes onto one’s insurance, which shows that the patient is participating in what insurance companies consider “high-risk behavior” and will potentially flag that patient from receiving insurance renewals and life insurance, among other benefits.

Creating an over-the-counter option, easily obtained from the pharmacist at a reasonable cost helps long-term and concerns.

A Final Note for Bug-Chasers and Gift-Givers

I am not denying the POZ community at all and those find eroticism in HIV, just as those who find pregnant women sexy. Please.

I’m not advocating or condemning bug-chasing Open-New-Window-External and/or gift-giving Open-New-Window-External.

But what has been obvious to me for far too long just keeps slipping through the mental grasp of those on the other side of this issue. I fear a backlash is coming of gay right-wing hatred, like a Tea Party within our own progressive ranks that would make for radicalization and fractures well beyond what we want to see.

This “no compromise” attitude that’s gridlocked the U.S. government concerns me. I’ve seen it in my own life as I approached GLBT legal groups with my firing for being gay only to be told that they were much too busy focusing on the marriage rights fight to worry about a man fired to being gay. It’s as if the gay rights movement worries more about eating wedding cake than putting food on the table.

I don’t want this to happen to sexual politics.

For those who wish to bareback but don’t wish to chase, here’s some options to protect themselves. It’s as simple as that.

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An Entry on ‘Safe’ Sex

The controversial actions and beliefs in my life would eventually rise up to bite me. The broken condom suggestions (responding to an inquiry to this blog) raises certain questions of ethics and morality. I certainly don’t miss that. In fact, I’ve explored it in a stealthing post and many people weighed in with their thoughts. I censored no one. I remain impressed at the honest dialog generated.

When I originally wrote the “Deceptively Fun” series for Nifty.org, the person who ran the repository of erotic tales got plenty of shit over it. In order for my stories to stay live on the site, I had to post a disclaimer. I wrote one, skipping the suggested disclaimer that indicated what appeared was a “fantasy.” My disclaimer read:

WARNING: With any sexual encounter, you should always carefully consider your options and make conscious choices, knowing the possible results of your decisions. You should be fully aware of your surroundings and the activities of all participants, especially knowing not everyone is trustworthy, no matter how many muscles he has or how big his cock is. If you choose to use condoms and you are the bottom, consider bringing your own condoms and compatible lube. Remember, the only truly “safe sex” is sex alone or no sex at all.

Hate me all you want. Don’t read me. Block me on Twitter. Ignore me. Go about your life and avoid the truth staring you in your face.

You must be responsible for your own self.

Sorry to quote the bard: “To thine own self be true.”

This wisdom resonates through the ages and if you put blind trust in a stranger you’ve just met to have your best interest in mind when you’re both just trying to get a nut, then you deserve whatever gets injected up your ass or planted on your lips.

So haters, please just fuck off. This blog isn’t required reading.