Tag Archives: personality

Bryan: Talks a Big Game But Can’t Deliver Intimacy

Bryan: Talks a Big Game But Can’t Deliver Intimacy

Talks a Big Game But Can’t Deliver

Bryan Kelly

Profile on MasseurFinder.com as Ecstasy Spa Open-New-Window-External and MassageM4M.com as Mixed Massage Arts Open-New-Window-External
His profile is also listed on RentBoy.com as Bryan Kelly XXX Open-New-Window-External
His online cell is listed as (404) 668-3123

Highlights

bullet Claims thirties but actually in his forties (although photographs well), white, dirty blond curly hair, photos improve on reality
bullet Massages nude or in shorts
bullet Claims several modalities including body scrubs, deep tissue, hydrotherapy (he showers with you or may float in the hot tub with you), reflexology, sensual, shiatsu, Swedish, tandem massage (in other words, mutual touch allowed), Thai, Watsu, Yoga instruction
bullet Massages on a mattress on the floor in a room dedicated to massage; it is not ideally set up for massage; it’s empty and uses the speaker of his iPod to project some sound
bullet He has a roommate who is often present in the house and I sense was jealous of what was occurring but did not interfere
bullet Just north of I-285 (the Perimeter) in Sandy Springs
bullet One note: While Bryan will claim he is not a “smoker,” he is an intense user of marijuana as a self-medication to his attention deficit; this lack of attention is prevalent throughout the session and the smell of smoke well beyond pot permeates both him, his breath and the residence, which could use a good cleaning
bullet Bryan also works as an escort

two-and-a-half-stars out of five stars rating

Bryan-Kelly-Massage-AtlantaI know I shouldn’t get high hopes. After all, everybody lies. But the description Bryan Kelly once supplied on one of his online entries was just too enticing to pass up. He’d wash you off in the shower and then begin the massage in a hot tub before moving to a table to continue the ecstasy that would bring your whole body to a shuddering end.

Now I’ve been extraordinarily explicit about my thing when it comes to smokers Opens new window of a page on this blog, so I always ask about that particular vice. And Bryan, like most, answered in the negative. Indeed, he didn’t with one caveat. His vice for smoking happened to be the Mary Jane and that vice proved to be in-tense. So intense, he might as well been smoking Marlboro Menthol’s.

Considering his body was as good as it was, I did struggle a little. But up close, you could tell the lie he expounds online — that he’s in his thirties. He’s not. He’s in his mid-forties. Now I happen to be in my mid-forties and it wouldn’t have stopped me from engaging him. But what the photos do not show is that the blond hairs are really more silver than gold.

He had a bit more sag than we can see and more wrinkles.

Nonetheless, Bryan is extraordinarily good looking. And he does have a good personality, if a bit chatty. He’d build up some good sexual tension then break it with a conversation. Not something I’d expect, except perhaps he wanted it to happen because he doesn’t “fuck” with massage clients. I’d need to be a different client for that — in particular, one for his RentBoy.com profile Open-New-Window-External.

As expected, his massage lacked detailed technique and focus. He’d get distracted and not quite go symmetrically. With most massage therapists, they’d work on the left side for a while then the right for an equal amount of time. Not so with Bryan. That lack of focus really cut into his value of points.

But his good looks and nice personality does make up for some of it.

In the end, because he did get me off with a little oral action, he charged me extra. Not something I thought was fair since his constant chatter never took advantage of the opportunity to build up some sexual tension. I know we’re in an odd, awkward situation, but for goodness sake, we can generate a little sexual tension.

Bryan-Kelly-Massage-Atlanta-2That said, he is a nice guy and his ability at massage isn’t completely horrible. He’d greatly benefit in a professional table investment, allowing him to put some pressure on the client. He’d also better be able to identify problem areas that need work in the therapeutic portions of the time.

And like Antonio Opens new window of a page on this blog, where pricing keeps changing, Bryan needs to choose a rate and stick to it. If he needs to resort to oral to getting a guy off, pricing doesn’t go up $50 because his hand skills can’t seem to work enough magic.

Truth was he just didn’t shut the fuck up long enough and let me concentrate on his body. His mouth kept opening and instead I kept hearing too much crap rather than butch sex talk.

What Do You Think of Bryan Kelly?

Bryan-Kelly-Massage-AtlantaRate Bryan if you’ve been to him by clicking the star rating on this page.

Also take a moment to write you own UNCENSORED review below in the comments section. Unlike the massage sites, iBLASTinside.com prints all reviews, negative and positive.

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Best fucks of the year 2012

The Hottest Fucks of 2012

When it comes to 2012 and thinking back, I had luck and loss when it came to fucking. I lot of indistinguishable ass from assholes. People I wouldn’t want to repeat (and many of those folks do not appear on these virtual pages, although I did indulge a few of the worst abortions here Opens a new window from this blog and here Opens a new window from this blog

Overall, I did fuck some hotties and got a few mediocre in between. A few of you might notice a missing entry or two — perhaps about you. Those are my own personal fuck tales. I’m looking for something more interesting to happen before I’d write about them.

A fuck worthy of an entry on this blog needs a hook — something interesting worthy to write about. If your ass is just another good ass from among the masses, then what’s to make it interesting? If you call me “Daddy” or you beg for my cum, it’s just like everyone else or it’s about like a few dozen others. It’s got to be interesting to me before it’s interesting for the readers.

Below are my top fucks from 2012, in no particular order ending with my top three places, in a particular order. When you consider I’ve fucked almost 250 holes this year, this list contains less than the top 5 percent… the cream of the creamy crop, so to speak.

 

Key West Postcard

Latin Spice to Make My Tropical Vacation Nice Opens a new window from this blog

Fucking a 20-year-old makes everything great, but this smooth Latino proved to be especially delightful on my vacation. A Craigslist hookup, he turned out to have an interesting hole.

Know how most assholes have a discoloration leading up to the pucker?

He didn’t. His had consistently colored skin.

And it opened like a flower. He begged for my DNA and I gave it to him in his tight little perfect hole. He obviously wasn’t a virgin, but something could make me pretend like he happened to be. He had a huge cock and just beautiful body.

 

taye

The Tao of Taye Opens a new window from this blog

Part of my Northern California Triple Play Opens a new window from this blog, Taye was a fan of my blog and drove from San Francisco to my hotel in Silicon Valley one day after work. Turned out to be worth the trip — and I think he agrees.

His prominent pecs include two rather sensitive nipples that I manipulated with ease to get Taye to do as I wanted, not that he’d do otherwise. And when his rather impressive booty opened up for my cock, I slid it home and fucked him for a good, long while before depositing my load deep.

And I kept fucking it deep to make sure my DNA took.

Taye ruined the sheets of my hotel room, but I didn’t mind. I didn’t mind at all.

 

ass2Behind Dead Eyes (1 Opens a new window from this blog, 2 Opens a new window from this blog, 3 Opens a new window from this blog and the Return Opens a new window from this blog)

If I’ve written about breeding him thrice, I obviously love his ass. And I do.

Words fail me to adequately describe what it’s like. Sure, there’s a photo here to show it to you. But when you see it in person, it seemingly glows all its own with a beauty and personality unlike any other.

And on his own, he does have a charm. It’s practically irresistible to me. I find him  alluring in so many ways. But I’ve learned my lesson with some bottoms. This is one of them.

I love no strings fun, but fucking more than a few times are bound to create threads at the very least. If you don’t choose to acknowledge that, you’re fucking stupid.

Moreover, as a top, I am not just available to service the bottom. I generally don’t like for a bottom to summon and for me to clean up and go running.

But this man’s ass proved to be absolutely delightful and, for a time, I got ensnared in a trap. It can happen to the best of us. Even a top like me.

 

RustyNailing Rusty Opens a new window from this blog

At 23, he was a shy Northern California hook up with a body of death and a chest of perfection. The photo doesn’t do him justice, as I wrote in January. He kissed and loved getting fucked and loaded.

And boy did I.

What he did’t have in talent, he made up for in sheer enthusiasm.

He asked to meet up again but we never quite made it happen. I still see him online on occasion, so if I make it back out there again, you can bet I’ll look him up.

 

Rice Surfer, Dude Opens a new window from this blog

I violated one of my policies when it came to stealthing Opens a new window from this blog with this dude. However, he was an escort Opens a new window from this blog, so in fact he happened to be a slut and would do practically anything. That is except take my cock raw.

I was in Southern California on business and looking for an Asian, one of my favorite types. But when this body popped up, I couldn’t resist. Could you? Look at him! I mean, DAMN!

surfer

Found an cash machine and withdrew the required amount. We hadn’t spoken about being safe. I’d said I was looking for an Asian to load up in my Craigslist ad. It seemed pretty clear to me.

If anything happened to be deceptive, it was him when he pulled out the condom and put it on. In the final moments of fucking him, I slipped it off and loaded his ass.

Mission accomplished.

 

Honorable Mentions

Worthy of mentioning but not quite making the top spots, these guys could make my 2013 list if they apply themselves and take a load from me….

 

Top Three Fucks of 2012

While the five fucks above representing eight loads were in no particular order, plus two more honorable mentions for 10 total loads worth of the Top 10 fucks. But below, you will find the absolute best of the best for 2012. No one was better during the year. Here’s the four loads that stand out among the 200 to 250 I deposited in asses this past year.

 

furry chest of a bottom#3 Furry Fuck Jizzjoy Opens a new window from this blog

I’ve felt bottoms moan and groan and sigh and just generally feel relieved when I breed them.

But this hot piece of ass. He went into pure convulsions at my injection of spunk.

Jizzjoy Link Opens in a New Window truly works for this man and fucking him is as much a joy for a top as it is anything else, easy enough to put him as number three on my top three of 2012.

I’ve actually returned and fucked him a second time to confirm this and I plan to return a few more times in 2013 to try his furry ass again and again. When a man begs for your load and has a series of involuntary reactions when you load it, you know you’ve hit gold.

 

Asian Ass#2 Las Vegas Man of Mystery Opens a new window from this blog

I attempted to host a fuck fest while in Las Vegas that worked out all right if for one man and his gorgeous ass, who I loaded. I couldn’t help it. He begged for it and he ass deserved my load.

If not for the moments of less than enthusiastic participants, perhaps he could have been a contender for first place. But he wasn’t. Yet his ass turned out to be A-MAZ-ING.

You know, one of those asses with plenty of cushion but not too much to keep your cock out?

I loved fucked him and listening to him beg for my load just pushed me over the edge.

 

Paduwan#1. The Man Who Would Be Paduwan Opens a new window from this blog

This young man still haunts my fantasies with his talent and obsession with me. Obsession could be a good thing. It could be a bad. He skirts a fine line but so far, he stays to this side of it and I cannot wait until I breed his ass again.

This time, I want to double penetrate him.

Hairy, weirdly attractive in a geekish way, I’m as drawn to him as he is to me. And when we get together, the sex is indeed explosive. He seemingly studies my entries for the activities I like (deep-throat blowjobs that include licking my balls), perfects them and then does them for me.

Few men in this world earn my interest more than a slut like him — one who I could somewhat “date” and send him out on missions to collect loads. He would joyously collect every cumload and return to me full of DNA from strangers for me to churn up and them pull my cock out to let him taste.

Our fuck session lasted so long, I can neither tell you every moment nor convey the sensations of it adequately. But his ass remains in the top three I’ve fucked in the world.

Perfection.

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Fucking a beefy bottom!

Recognition

If you’ve ever been through corporate testing for your personality, the results will show the kind of person one might be. Back in 1998, I went through some extensive testing and it determined I happened to be an extreme introvert Link Opens in a New Window.

That doesn’t necessarily mean I’m shy as much as it indicates my focus tends toward internal factors — I’m more reflective, inward looking. Add to that my own hate of smoky bars (and smokers Opens a new window from this blog) and social anxieties toward large crowds and, well, you’re talking about someone who’d much rather stay home than go to the latest concert or wander around a gay bar trying to pick up bottom.

Through the past decade and a half, I’ve taken up a project on myself to open myself up. This blog among the therapies, but I’d do things as subtle as wear brightly colored shirts to work rather than the bland, fade-into-the-background hues that allowed me to skulk through the office unnoticed.

Am I an extrovert Link Opens in a New Window yet? Actually, I’ve tipped to the other side in testing, more ambivert (in the middle) than anything else.

Imagine my surprise of late as more and more people on Scruff recognize me both by my geek glasses or by my cock shots.

During my current job, I leave Scruff, Grindr and Kik Opens a new window from this blog open (and I often check BarebackRT.com Link Opens in a New Window) since I have a horrible boss (he had me come in on my day off just so he could yell at me for a couple of hours last week).

A local beefy bottom on BBRT and I can never seem to synchronize. We’ve attempted to hit the local adult bookstore Opens a new window from this blog or swing by his place for an anonymous fuck. I’d never seen his face, just his beefy body with a little hair and some miscellaneous, non-distinct tattoos.

He seemed a little like one of those tomcats near a dumpster at midnight underneath the streetlight. He looked cute from a distance and might be tame but a sudden move and he’d dart away. In fact, he would disappear from my radar for a period of time but reappear, asking when were we ever going to fuck.

Usually this tomcat-and-dog game wouldn’t seem alluring to me. I’m a no-nonsense kind of guy. I want to fuck your ass and breed it. If you’re good at it, I might fuck you again. Otherwise, I’m done. Yet toying around with him had his allure.

We’d finally exchanged cell numbers because I had a tendency to pop downtown and he didn’t hit BBRT with enough frequency to notice my visits. I’d mentioned one such visit Monday night and he’d given me at deadline to be at his place by 8 p.m.

I couldn’t make his deadline.

On my day off, Thursday, I’d been in the office for a while and let my boss yell at me for a couple of hours straight. I’ve learned not to argue back because the idiot wouldn’t let a fact get in the way of his being pissed off. After he calmed down, he dismissed me, not wanting to pay for any more extra time with me this week, so I left, heading downtown to check on a friend in a hospital.

Scruff had been open at work and stayed open.

Imagine my surprise as I received a message that simply said, “I’m sorry that Monday didn’t work out.”

I finally see his face — round and handsome with a Van Dyke Link Opens in a New Window. I’d seen him mostly naked — in a jock — and found his beefy wide pecs with the fur down the middle to tree-trunk legs quite attractive. His ass provided a wide target and muscular mounds but no one would accuse him of being a “bubble butt.”

Bubble butts seem so inflated that sharp objects might cause them to “pop.” His ass provided a more substantial challenge.

We toyed with one another, as we always did online. But in the end, he relented and agreed to let me come over. It would be an anonymous encounter. Him naked on his knees to blow me hard then I’d breed him.

I arrived, parked and walked in the designed backdoor (how coincidental) into a hall just off his bedroom. In the darkness, he’d lit one candle that provided enough light to allow me to see the figure in the room.

Perfection is not accurate, but to me, perfection is not desired. I like a man with beefy pecs without distinct definition of a six pack. He’s got hair in all the right places without removing it, shaving it or waxing it. He’s a real man. He likes beer, dogs, football and chicken wings. He doesn’t spend his life at the gym but has his priorities balanced.

This is the kind of man I recognize.

He’s blindfolded. I unbuckle my belt, unbutton and unzip my jeans and flop out my cock, anxious to get it into his mouth. I step up and my cockhead brushes against his moustache as I place my hand on the back of his head where he’s got a full scalp of short-cropped hair.

“Suck that cock,” I said. “Get it hard.”

His mouth flew open with exuberance of a hungry man who hasn’t eaten for weeks and caressed my cock as it  swelled to hardness. He bobbed his head up and down,  interspersed the work with occasional licks of my balls, which thanks to the cool weather were tight up against my body but swollen. I’d shaved them a while back, so the light layer of stubble on my contracted testicles tickled a little.

I didn’t plan on this being a long session. And while he’d followed my instructions to a T, I don’t imagine he’d really wanted it to be more than a quick dump and go either.

But we all recognize chemistry when it happens and it began to blossom in the room. His oral skills were above par and he kept reaching up under my shirt. My tit tweaks were getting responses so I decided maybe I’d make this a little more fun.

I stood him up to discover he stood quite a bit shorter than me — probably about five-foot-seven. But his beefy wide stance still struck me as I pushed him back onto the bed and climbed up, kicking off my shoes and pants.

Positioning myself so my cock went right underneath his balls, his own prick stood out at attention

I growled. He responded in kind and soon my mouth covered his and we were kissing deeply. He slurped at my mouth and tongue.

He was thirsty.

“Spit in my mouth, please Sir,” he requested.

I obliged.

It had been a while since I’d had a fuck who wanted my spit and, let’s be honest, I didn’t exactly tank up for this little adventure. I’d just expected a fuck and go. But here I am kissing. My pants are off. I’ve got this naked body beneath me and, God’s honest truth, I wanted to completely feel it.

Off came my shirt too.

Now I nibbled on his perky nips, for which he jerked every time. Then I dropped to his cock and balls.

To be honest, I found his cock impressive for a bottom. Not huge but perfect for a man his size. Thick with a purple angry color to it. Yet I ignored it and went to his balls, tickled them a little with my tongue and then put my hands under the bend of his knees. I pushed him up and exposed his pucker on this wide, fuzzy hole.

It winked.

I dove into it without hesitation, tasting a mixture of soap and something else there. But I worked my tongue and a bit of spit into it. Licked his balls, nibbled a nip then kissed him deeply so he could taste his own ass.

Then I lined my cock up to his hole.

“You’re going to need more spit than that,” he said.

I spit on my hand and rubbed it into the head of my cock before pushing against his sphincter.

Pushing harder.

I pierced him, entering into his ass.

Raw, I ripped inside his ass and entered him the way a man should get fucked. Not a lot of lube. Just a little spit. So he could feel me at every millimeter as my invader worked into him farther and farther.

He began to beg.

And I began to fuck.

His thick, tree-trunk legs up around my shoulders as I moved my waist in almost an awkward fashion, working my way into his ass and out.

I would almost pull out and he’d tell me, “Wrong way. I want it all inside me.”

I did finally pull out to put him on top and let him ride. But he was a good little cum slut and sucked my cock some first before climbing on board.

He bounced. We kissed. I bit his nipples. He recognized how perfect my cock would be for double penetration Opens a new window from this blog. We fucked more. I made sure he had plenty of my spit to swallow.

“I think it’s breeding time,” I said.

“Would you fuck me on my stomach?” he said.

“You know that’s how I like it,” I said.

He hopped off and I moved out the way so he could crawl face down and let me invade. Despite his substantial beefiness, my taller frame allowed me to cover him almost completely.

I began to fuck and he began to beg. “Give me your fucking cum man! Breed my fucking ass, man! Let me have your load! Put it in my ass!”

I did. I shoved it in deep and my cock throbbed, flexed and began to shoot my load deep inside him. In his case, it felt particularly deep. Rocking my hips a few more times, I left my cock inside him like a butt plug as we kissed and chatted a bit more.

I pulled out. He felt his asshole.

“It’s wet,” he said.

“I wonder why,” I responded.

He licked and sucked my cock clean.

“Full service,” I said, thanking him.

He left his blindfold on as I put my clothes on and left. He played with his cock a little, which I wouldn’t deny him Opens a new window from this blog.

I spit into his mouth one last time before slipping out the door into the chilly night.

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The Mourning of a Porn Superstar and the Question of Hypocrisy for Falcon Studios, Derek Hartley and the Rest of You Anti-Barebackers

The Mourning of a Porn Superstar and the Question of Hypocrisy for Falcon Studios, Derek Hartley and the Rest of You Anti-Barebackers

[box icon=”exclamation”]I didn’t know Erik Rhodes, I wasn’t familiar with his porn work and I can’t speak much to his life or death. I have no special knowledge. For those of you who do know him, he passed away this morning at too early an age — just 30. The report is he died of a heart attack even though you can see his rather fit condition. His death is tragic. I personally extend my own sympathy to true family, friends and lovers.[/alert]

This is a message for Falcon Studios Follow on Twitter. This is a message for Sirius XM radio personality Derek Hartley Follow on Twitter. This is a message for all the condom-using porn performers and studios out there outraged at me and my ilk and who ostracize those of us who make our own choices.

I don’t follow porn that uses condoms. Therefore, I didn’t know Erik Rhodes, who’s real name was James. I knew nothing about him. But I sure wish I had because this would have been something I would have written long ago after putting up with the hate-speech.

Erik Rhodes is porn star who used condoms on screen. Off screen, he used a lot of other things: Steroids, GHB, crystal meth, prescription drugs and the recently outlawed “bath salts.” He wrote about abusing these substances bluntly on his blog and Twitter feed (and they’re currently up until someone tries to “clean up” this man’s past).

Even amateur and way-too-bitchy Sirius XM Radio personality Derek Hartley of Sirius XM OutQ show “Derek and Romainewrites a blog post about his friendship with Erik who lived life too fast. Erik posed with Derek for the cover of his book.

Falcon Studios/Raging Stallions said Erik had been “a Falcon exclusive” for all of his career except for one of 40 scenes over the last eight years.

Yet I look back and I don’t see the outrage at his drug use and his “out of the closet” approach to life. He lived life the way he wanted. But because his porn career included condoms, cool with Derek Hartley and everyone else. Cool with Falcon Studios. Cool with all the rest of condom-using porn. They let him perform. They kept him working. His blatant drug use wasn’t a problem — probably because he was neg. Probably because he was muscular.

I bet Erik Rhodes could go to IML. He was up for industry awards. Barebacking itself isn’t illegal but all the illegal stuff he admitted to doing is fine with all these organizations.

Coincidentally enough, one of his last scenes was with former barebacker Marc Dylan.

Again, I am sad for his loss. But what makes me outraged is how people think this hot guy made a series of choices in his life were all right with them. He kept working. Friends didn’t leave him. But if he were a barebacker and honest about that, I wonder how quickly Falcon would have dropped him. How outraged Derek Hartley would have been.

Loss of life at any time is tragic. But if you choose to smoke, use drugs or bareback, it’s your body and it’s your choice. If a porn studio or friends are going to play nanny, it needs to do so across the board.

For me, it’s the bio line on Erik Rhodes’ Twitter that sort of just makes me sad: “I just want to fit in.”

Update: Derek Hartley Responds (June 16, 2012)
Update 2: My Post About Derek Hartley & the Gay Mafia (June 18, 2012)
Update 3: Cleaning Up After the Death of a Porn Star (June 19, 2012)
Update 4: Postscript on My Posts About the Death of Erik Rhodes (June 20, 2012) 

P.S.

On a personal note:

I want to tell you all: Erik got a lot of shit on his blog from readers, just like I do. I don’t post the hate stuff anymore and that’s helped stop the proliferation of hate speech. He actually engaged them on his Tumblr blog. Like me, they called him a sociopath. Bless his soul, I hope he’s found rest now because it’s obvious if you read it, he struggled to find that rest. Again, Erik never deserved any of this. My blog post is for all the anti-barebackers and the judgmental assholes out there.

Tumblr Blog Posts:

  • How do you maintain your body when you go on all these drug binges? (looks like Erik’s blog and Twitter has been removed, but here’s the Google Cached version)
  • Running out of the gallon of GHB (Google Cached version)

Tweets:

 

 

Dark Passengers Series

Dark Passenger: Weaving a Cocoon

We all bleed. And it’s all pink on the inside.

That explanation came from an asshole I knew at university. His misogynistic ways stuck with me somehow — surprise, surprise. Still an impressionable young gay man, a small group of elite intellectuals sat in a circle discussing something about authority. Liberal arts education at its best.

My friend, who explored women with the subtlety of a great white shark on a feeding frenzy, spoke of how women — no matter their race, religion, size or texture, should put out at the end of a date.

The females in the class expressed horror, although by that point, most had taken a ride on his cock and experienced his tongue on their clits. We’d discussed this is detail. We both had mutual interests. His interest — curiosity about fucking ass, even men, since he figured it would increase his chances of getting some at the end of the evening. Mine was the mind of a straight man. So we’d dined together and discussed our respective sex lives.

As he spoke of women putting out and the incredulous women screamed in dismay, the room came to a silence that happened naturally. One of those odd moments that just seems to happen.

“I really don’t know why you expect women to put out all the time,” I told him, in front of everyone. “You’ve been to my apartment. I’ve fixed you dinner. You’ve never put out for me.”

There’s this moment sometimes when “silent” isn’t a sufficient enough word. It’s as if the entire world has had the volume turned down and everyone has gone deaf. It only lasts for an instance, but in that moment, there’s an eternity. And if a pin dropped somewhere across the planet, it would sound as if a thousand cymbals crashed to the floor simultaneously.

Then the room erupted and my friend dropped his jaw like he had dick-suckers cramp. Girls from my class piled on me in appreciation for delivering the blow that shut him up.

But the truth of the matter in all that fun and discussion of sex and food, misogyny and dating, I was alone. For all the fun, support and wit, the professor could see what was going on.

That evening, as we each headed off to our dorms and apartments or to whatever drinking destinations, the hairy, disheveled poly sci professor took me aside and imparted some wisdom that here, years later, I don’t recall a fucking word.

And so, on a Saturday evening, more than two decades later, four months to the day after I watched my Mother die, I’m drowning my sorrows in Diet Coke. I’m wishing it was something stronger. It’s been a shitty week and it does no good to explain in detail here.

I started this blog to explore my sex life. I didn’t intend on making friends. I didn’t have any intentions. I just wanted to explore. Then, when my Mom got sick, I crossed into a place I didn’t know how to escape. How do I explain that I didn’t feel like fucking. That my cock could just fall off and I didn’t care. I’d have given up fucking forever to see my Mother get well.

That didn’t happen, of course. And I returned to fucking. But something hasn’t been the same for me. I debated whether to tell you all. And for a while, I didn’t.

Can you say that pain inspires you? Maybe you could give up your grieving easily. But now I feel utterly alone. Some of you probably couldn’t give a shit. I don’t blame you. I don’t much give one either right now. Not that I’m going to off myself or something stupid like that.

So the shitty week actually isn’t inspired by my Mother, my birthday or anything else. It comes from a crappy boss. I’ve worked for this person for years and to get a single pat on the back is close to impossible. A promotion has been dangled out in front of me but in order to get it, yours truly needs to become submissive.

Being that I’m a Dominate personality, I’m not one to back down. I’m in Georgia and let’s face it, being out, being gay and being visible has its detractions. In a professional environment, the prejudice can be overwhelming. One person at my current company — a person of significant stature and in a position of power — told me because I was gay, he would do whatever he could to assure I was not successful and would fail at every task I attempted. I informed my boss of this. I was told this was a “personality deficiency” that I would need to overcome.

So I am deciding if I can be a cum-collecting pussy. If I can suck it up, literally, in order to get a promotion. Is it within my personality to be submissive and bow to the Master.

What, again, I’ve not told everyone is just how many people in my life rely on my income. I am the majority breadwinner for a lot more people than most would realize. So flipping off my boss and walking away seems like a good idea if you’re on your own for your own principals. But when others rely on you, you can’t do it so flippantly.

So what am I to do. To be honest, I have gone against my nature by writing this. I shut down Thursday night and barely did anything. But I decided tonight to write this. To tell the world. I’ll get some shitty responses (which I probably will reject).

I am considering a significant life change. Not just with my job. Now that Mom and Dad are gone, I have more choices. People may rely on me, but I don’t have to be here in Georgia to assure they get the help they need.

 

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