Tag Archives: mutherfucker

Helping You Out

Helping You Out

Here’s a collection of miscellaneous things that bug me about online profiles:

“Not to be racist but…” or “It’s just a matter of taste…”

Truth is, you’re about to be racist. When’s the last time you read, “Not to be racist but I really only fuck Asians.”

Too much of what men write is what they exclude, not what they include.

Men can’t be blondes

Men are only blonds. It’s one of the few examples where the masculine and feminine matters in the English language. Females are blonde, men are blond. Fucking kills me every time I see it. And speaking of color…

No one’s 50 shades of grey

Unfortunately, our language is getting fucked up thanks to people being unable to figure out Grey is normally a name (it is in the book as it is for anatomy, both the original book and the television show). The official color is gray with an “A.”

HMU DTF

So “hit me up” I’m “down to fuck”? Really? Up and down? I want to go in and out.

“Breeding” means raw

It amazes me when I post an ad somewhere about “loading” or “breeding” an ass and then I get the “safe only” response. Even more amazing is the request that they “just suck me off.”

Uh, no. I’m here for the ass, not for the mouth.

When I say “potent cum,” what do you think I mean?

I’m just asking.

Sup

Fuck you.

What’s up with the abbreviation for etcetera?

If you’re going to go on and on, it’s etc. not ect.

The contractions get me

Please, if you will not go somewhere, you won’t go there… And you want to go elsewhere.

Also, there is no way that there are people out there who don’t understands there’s some contractions out there that the masses seem to misunderstand.

For the most part, I find barebackers are good people; they are often misunderstood and they’re accused of being spreaders of disease and woe. Truth is, barebackers just know their cocks and asses provide a gateway to happiness. Theirs is a life of freedom.

Don’t cry to yo mama

I make it extraordinarily clear that I say some nasty shit when I breed ass. I’m verbal as I approach orgasm.

Just recently it happened again, but this time the fucker didn’t have a choice. I’d mounted him and his little 5-foot-7 frame couldn’t go anywhere. As I am thrusting inside him, I began some of the most horrific things you can say to a bottom.

I’d warned him. Clearly. He knew I’d say things.

He didn’t respond or beg or even whimper. I knew he just wanted it over.

I growled and let it go in his ass, leaning over into his ear: “You asked for this.”

smokerAnd don’t try to lie

I know when someone lies to me. Sometimes I choose to ignore it. Other times, I call the fucker out.

Another thing I make clear is no smokers. All the time, people try to get around it.

“Oh damn,” a guy says the other day after begging me to fuck him. He’d claimed to be a fan and, well, sent me a pic of himself, of all things… smoking. “I quit in May. You won’t smell it on me. I promise.”

Men are known for their veracity. I’m always telling the truth to fuck ass. And I’m sure you’re telling the truth to get cock.

May? Why didn’t you go for last June?

Anyway, he got cut off.

Yes, you fuckers can go ahead and try to mask the smell with cologne and mouthwash, but allow me to point out a couple of salient points:

  • You’ve dulled your senses with smoking so you can’t fucking smell the shit on you.
  • Because the smell adheres everywhere, it’s usually on you in someway.
  • And even more apparent, your lungs are saturated so when you exhale, it can be smelled.
  • It’s even within your bodily fluids like spit, sweat and especially cum (which can stink like a mutherfucker).

Grindr is for babies

What the fuck is up with Grindr?

  1. It doesn’t work.
  2. It has children on it.
  3. It doesn’t work.
  4. The children on it aren’t interested in “hooking up.”
  5. It doesn’t work.

You’re a hooker if you’re shirtless without wildlife

I live in the South, so it’s not odd for me to see photos of people holding up fish, frogs or other creatures from some Redneck hunting expedition while being shirtless. Some gay men post these images as proof of butchness, although when you’re sucking my cock or taking my raw, rockhard cock up your ass and begging for my cum like the little bitch you are, you’re not so butch.

However, if you’re shirtless on any hook-up site or app — this means you, you little Grindr children — and then you add that you’re not here to “hook up,” you’re a hypocrite and a liar.

I don’t shave my balls because I don’t like hair

Lick the sack for larger snack.

My hairy sack tends to get in the way of allowing people to find my spots to give me a lot more pleasure. And the more pleasure I get, the bigger the load they get.

And I shoot big loads, with or without a little licky licky.

Why do you think a barebacker should compromise?

Sometimes I get a horny bottom who insists on a condom, who wants me to fuck them but expects me to be the one to compromise with a condom.

No.

Why should I be the one to compromise?

DDF? Of course!

Everyone online is DDF and clean. Fuck. I’m clean. I took a shower yesterday.

I’ve never seen anyone ever answer other than, “Yes, I’m DDF.” It’s a useless stat. I’ve seen people proudly declare they’re poz or “poz and undetectable,” but I’ve never, ever seen anyone answer the truth when it comes to status.

“Oh I’ve got the clap and a small case of the crabs. It will clear up in a few days.”

“Look, the Valtrex seems to be working. Don’t worry about the Herpes. It’s not like I’m gonna give you the nose-falling-off syphilis.”

Seriously, guys. If you’re “DDF and looking for same,” all you’re going to get is lies.

Understand the status

I’m glad to see more and more people who get the difference between “undetectable and on meds” and “neg, tested 1/13/14.”

Which would you rather fuck?

The answer should be undetectable.

The neg guy hasn’t been tested in more than six months. Cum on.

Curious about the Truvada whores

How many of you “Neg+PrEP” are really on PrEP and how many of you are “Now Neg + Taking Meds”?

 

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Rage Against the Bossy Bottom

Rage Against the Bossy Bottom

One of those days. Fucking one of those days. I just needed to leave work and fuck an ass. All that pent up frustration sometimes shoots out of my cock.

Where’s a good bottom when you need one?

FDAU -- Face Down Ass UpI work on the other side of the planet from where I live, so I’ve been attempting to find a few bottoms near the office and on the way home I can stop off an drop a load. It’s my thing. You be there, naked, ass up, face down and ready to receive.

The thing about the way I fuck: It’s not what you think.

1. My cock is hard.

When I say hard, I mean rock hard. It’s not hard like a dildo, so let’s make that clear. But when I get erect, I’m in the game until I pop or you poop.

My cock is pliable and I can fuck in many different positions but it’s not for a size queen. It’s about 7 inches and it’s just right. I’ll hit your prostate and bang it often. I know how to find it and usually hit it.

2. This Ain’t Your Dad Fucking Your Ass

Incest aside, I fucking know how to fuck ass. Every ass is different and every bottom feels different from the inside.

If I’ve fucked you, please comment.

I don’t want to come off sounding cocky, but my cock doesn’t have a mind of it’s own. It’s attached to me and I’m a professional. Now let me do my job.

3. I Deliver a Load

My name online isn’t “iBLASTinside” just cause I thought it was fun. I’ve made a habit of always shooting inside, even when the bottom asks me not to do so (and they’ve seen this e-mail address and recognize what it says).

I’ll admit to faking it on occasion, but it’s rare. I love breeding ass.

4. My Loads Are Big or Huge, Your Choice

When I cum, it’s not a dribble. It’s not a small amount. I cum a lot and you’ll know it. I throb like a mutherfucker and I shoot a lot. Generally, I provide two large bursts of cum.

You want extra cum? Here’s what you do: Lick my balls before I fuck you. That will assure I juice up before I breed you.

5. I’m Always Hard After I Pop

If I like you, I’ll let you cum. It’s not a requirement. Bottoms aren’t really there to get off. But sometimes I am in a giving mood, especially if the bottom provided exceptional service. I probably let a bottom cum about 1 out of 4 times.

It’s even more rare for me to hang around long enough to give him a second load, usually about 20 to 30 minutes later. Of course, that requires he suck me some and if a bottom isn’t sure of his cleaning skills, then he’s going to taste a little of his own shit or I’m out the door.

So What’s This Getting At?

Today I’m looking for bottoms and, of course, it results in the usual desperation of four or five contenders before some asshole flags my ad off Craigslist because I dared indicate “bareback” in the text.

Apparently most tops are shitty at their jobs out there, but I have to end up with the bossiest bottoms or just dumb asses who roam the planet playing a game of 20 questions.

Guy 1: “Have a pic?”

Me: “I posted one. Where’s yours? What’s your stats?”

Guy 1: “Send to receive.”

Me: “I posted a pic. Check the ad.”

Guy 1: “Okay. Hot pic. Stats?”

Me: “Did you bother to read the ad?”

Guy 1: “Oh yea. Hot. Where are you?”

My response: “Um. Ad.”

Guy 1: “Oh. Got a place?”

My response: “As it says in the ad, I’M AT WORK. So, no, I don’t have a place. You went to school on a short bus, didn’t you?”

(FYI, that one ended there.)

Guy 2: “Still looking?”

Me: “The ad went up like a few minutes ago. So, yes.”

Guy 2: “Cool. What are you looking for?

Me: “A bottom to breed. Like the ad says.”

Guy 2: “Pic?”

Me: “Posted one. Send yours.”

Guy 2: “You got more pics?”

Me: “Yes, for trade.”

We trade pics at this point.

Guy 2: “You’re pretty big. I’m not sure I can take you.”

Me: “It’s 7 inches. You can sit on it and take your time.”

Guy 2: “I’m really tight.”

Me: “I’m really hard.”

Guy 2: “You got supplies? Condom? Lube?”

Me: “I’ve got lube.”

Guy 2: “We need a condom. Can you pick up one?”

Me: “Dude. What do you think ‘breed’ means?”

Guy 2: “I only do safe. Sorry.”

Me: “Don’t fucking reply to ads with ‘breed’ or ‘bb’ in them.”

Guy 2: “I thought you might make an exception.”

Me: “I don’t.”

(So this one ends.)

Guy 3: “You got a  pic?”

Me: “Posted in the ad?”

Guy 3: “Got a face pic?”

Me: “For trade.”

Guy 3: “Okay.”

We trade face pics.

Guy 3: “I don’t have a lot of time. Got to do this before my roommate gets home. Okay?”

Me: “No problem. Where to?”

10 minutes pass

Guy 3: “What are you looking to get into?”

Me: “Just looking to fuck and breed an ass. Where do I go?”

Another 10 minutes

Guy 3: “I’m at [a vague major crossroads]. Do you have a full body pic?”

Me: “Look, do you want to trade pics or fuck? Where do I go?”

About 5 minutes pass

Guy 3: “Sorry, my roommate will be home soon. Can we do this tomorrow?”

Me: “Do what? Trade vague e-mails while you jerk off?”

(Obviously, this one ends too.)

Guy 4: “Great pic. Here’s mine. Please come over and load me.”

Me: “Where are you at?”

Guy 4: [Provides address and directions.] “When will you be here?”

Me: “About 20 minutes. I’m on my way.”

Guy 4: “Great. Door’s open. Just push it open. In jockstrap and lubed.”

(FYI, he was. But this one has a weird story. Maybe it will be the next post.)

Sounds Like Flakes So Far…

No FlakesYea, it does. But it gets so weird how bottoms get so fucking picky how they want it. It’s all on their conditions when they want it.

Believe me. Read some ads on Craigslist.

I just want to use an ass. Yes, most of these guys where picky losers.

It’s real easy. I tell you who I am, what I want and where I am. Just be a bottom and ready for it. Is it really that difficult?

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