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Helping You Out

Helping You Out

Here’s a collection of miscellaneous things that bug me about online profiles:

“Not to be racist but…” or “It’s just a matter of taste…”

Truth is, you’re about to be racist. When’s the last time you read, “Not to be racist but I really only fuck Asians.”

Too much of what men write is what they exclude, not what they include.

Men can’t be blondes

Men are only blonds. It’s one of the few examples where the masculine and feminine matters in the English language. Females are blonde, men are blond. Fucking kills me every time I see it. And speaking of color…

No one’s 50 shades of grey

Unfortunately, our language is getting fucked up thanks to people being unable to figure out Grey is normally a name (it is in the book as it is for anatomy, both the original book and the television show). The official color is gray with an “A.”

HMU DTF

So “hit me up” I’m “down to fuck”? Really? Up and down? I want to go in and out.

“Breeding” means raw

It amazes me when I post an ad somewhere about “loading” or “breeding” an ass and then I get the “safe only” response. Even more amazing is the request that they “just suck me off.”

Uh, no. I’m here for the ass, not for the mouth.

When I say “potent cum,” what do you think I mean?

I’m just asking.

Sup

Fuck you.

What’s up with the abbreviation for etcetera?

If you’re going to go on and on, it’s etc. not ect.

The contractions get me

Please, if you will not go somewhere, you won’t go there… And you want to go elsewhere.

Also, there is no way that there are people out there who don’t understands there’s some contractions out there that the masses seem to misunderstand.

For the most part, I find barebackers are good people; they are often misunderstood and they’re accused of being spreaders of disease and woe. Truth is, barebackers just know their cocks and asses provide a gateway to happiness. Theirs is a life of freedom.

Don’t cry to yo mama

I make it extraordinarily clear that I say some nasty shit when I breed ass. I’m verbal as I approach orgasm.

Just recently it happened again, but this time the fucker didn’t have a choice. I’d mounted him and his little 5-foot-7 frame couldn’t go anywhere. As I am thrusting inside him, I began some of the most horrific things you can say to a bottom.

I’d warned him. Clearly. He knew I’d say things.

He didn’t respond or beg or even whimper. I knew he just wanted it over.

I growled and let it go in his ass, leaning over into his ear: “You asked for this.”

smokerAnd don’t try to lie

I know when someone lies to me. Sometimes I choose to ignore it. Other times, I call the fucker out.

Another thing I make clear is no smokers. All the time, people try to get around it.

“Oh damn,” a guy says the other day after begging me to fuck him. He’d claimed to be a fan and, well, sent me a pic of himself, of all things… smoking. “I quit in May. You won’t smell it on me. I promise.”

Men are known for their veracity. I’m always telling the truth to fuck ass. And I’m sure you’re telling the truth to get cock.

May? Why didn’t you go for last June?

Anyway, he got cut off.

Yes, you fuckers can go ahead and try to mask the smell with cologne and mouthwash, but allow me to point out a couple of salient points:

  • You’ve dulled your senses with smoking so you can’t fucking smell the shit on you.
  • Because the smell adheres everywhere, it’s usually on you in someway.
  • And even more apparent, your lungs are saturated so when you exhale, it can be smelled.
  • It’s even within your bodily fluids like spit, sweat and especially cum (which can stink like a mutherfucker).

Grindr is for babies

What the fuck is up with Grindr?

  1. It doesn’t work.
  2. It has children on it.
  3. It doesn’t work.
  4. The children on it aren’t interested in “hooking up.”
  5. It doesn’t work.

You’re a hooker if you’re shirtless without wildlife

I live in the South, so it’s not odd for me to see photos of people holding up fish, frogs or other creatures from some Redneck hunting expedition while being shirtless. Some gay men post these images as proof of butchness, although when you’re sucking my cock or taking my raw, rockhard cock up your ass and begging for my cum like the little bitch you are, you’re not so butch.

However, if you’re shirtless on any hook-up site or app — this means you, you little Grindr children — and then you add that you’re not here to “hook up,” you’re a hypocrite and a liar.

I don’t shave my balls because I don’t like hair

Lick the sack for larger snack.

My hairy sack tends to get in the way of allowing people to find my spots to give me a lot more pleasure. And the more pleasure I get, the bigger the load they get.

And I shoot big loads, with or without a little licky licky.

Why do you think a barebacker should compromise?

Sometimes I get a horny bottom who insists on a condom, who wants me to fuck them but expects me to be the one to compromise with a condom.

No.

Why should I be the one to compromise?

DDF? Of course!

Everyone online is DDF and clean. Fuck. I’m clean. I took a shower yesterday.

I’ve never seen anyone ever answer other than, “Yes, I’m DDF.” It’s a useless stat. I’ve seen people proudly declare they’re poz or “poz and undetectable,” but I’ve never, ever seen anyone answer the truth when it comes to status.

“Oh I’ve got the clap and a small case of the crabs. It will clear up in a few days.”

“Look, the Valtrex seems to be working. Don’t worry about the Herpes. It’s not like I’m gonna give you the nose-falling-off syphilis.”

Seriously, guys. If you’re “DDF and looking for same,” all you’re going to get is lies.

Understand the status

I’m glad to see more and more people who get the difference between “undetectable and on meds” and “neg, tested 1/13/14.”

Which would you rather fuck?

The answer should be undetectable.

The neg guy hasn’t been tested in more than six months. Cum on.

Curious about the Truvada whores

How many of you “Neg+PrEP” are really on PrEP and how many of you are “Now Neg + Taking Meds”?

 

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The Eleven Commandments of a True Bottom

The Eleven Commandments of a True Bottom
(by a Bottom, for All Bottoms)

 Mark notes: I received this as a comment to my original post about Rage Against the Bossy Bottom Opens a new window from this blog. I’ve since also written Revenge of the Rage Against the Bossy Bottom Opens a new window from this blog with a few more things that bothered me.

I got a note from Ryan, a bottom who follows me on Twitter. After reading my Rage entries, Ryan had some interesting feedback. This was unsolicited and he provided it. 

I’ve posted Ryan’s proposed Eleven Commandments then edited them to make them sound more commanding. Bottoms just don’t know how to make things sound like it’s not a request or nice. That is, unless they’re a bossy bitch.

          

By a Bottom for All Bottoms

With Notes from Mark aka iBLASTinside

Ryan's Hole... the ultimate bottom's holeSorry about these experiences. It’s shameful, to be honest.

There are a lot of “bottoms” out there giving us real bottoms a bad reputation. This in turn makes it harder for genuine bottoms to do what we do best because a blight gets cast over us a group. Consequently, solid tops (and even versatile tops) have to play mind-reader games in order to figure out if the person they’re talking to is really what they claim to be (a bottom).

The guys you’re describing need to be honest with themselves. They aren’t bottoms, they’re versatile bottoms (at best). They’re holding on to way too many mental assumptions that do not belong to total bottoms.

Put another way, they’re thinking (at least in some vestigial sense) with the mindset of a top, and they can’t have it both ways. Bottoms aren’t — by definition — supposed to be bossy. That’s the top’s job. And you are rightly irritated when they step out of their role.

There are certain things one must mean when one claims to be a bottom. I call them my Eleven Commandments of a True Bottom. And since I am a true bottom, if you (a top) disagree with them, my job is to change them.

The Eleven Commandments of a True Bottom

1. If you’re going to bottom, come prepared to bottom.

Naked Man in ShowerBe clean, be committed, be submissive. Do not, however, be lubed.

 Mark notes: I believe a true bottom always strives to be clean. I have one bottom friend who shower shots when he gets up in the morning and when he gets home from work and, if he’s at home, right after every shit, whether or not there’s a plan for a fuck in the near future. He also carries a portable douche with him everywhere he goes. The idea being he never knows when a fuck might show up. He literally has an open-door policy (he used to sleep with his door unlocked so men could come in during the night and fuck him but after a few things went missing, he had to revise that).

Therefore, if I were writing this, it would be… Thou Shalt Always Be Prepared to Bottom

2. Why? Because the top chooses the lube.

It’s your job to bring some. But many discerning tops only want to use spit, so you may have to take him without lube and with more friction. Deal with it.

 Mark notes: I truly appreciate your approach here. Pisses me off when a bottom expects me to bring supplies (and I prefer spit as lube anyway). Further, I recommend the bottom provide all the supplies — lube, poppers, towels, etc. There’s nothing nicer than a bottom who gets me off and when I roll off him, he sucks me clean then he gets up, brings a warm wash cloth and wipes up my cock then dries me off. That is full service. I’d recommend the following selections:

Lube (each clearly marked)

Poppers (to keep fresh, please keep in darkness)

  • English
  • Amsterdam
  • Jungle Juice Platinum
  • A fourth option like Jungle Juice Black Label, Pig Sweat or Taiwan Blue.

Therefore, if I were to write this, it would read… Thou Shalt Provide All Supplies a Top Might Require

3. Assume that if you have a gag reflex and can’t take his cock all the way down your throat, that your ass will just have to make up for what your mouth can’t do.

The bottom is responsible to get the top hardGetting your dick sucked, ass rimmed and/or fingered is at the top’s discretion. Understand if he sucks your dick, it’s because he like to suck dick…it just happens to be your dick. And understand that if he takes the time to rim you, you’re about to get fucked the way he wants to fuck you.

 Mark notes: I rarely rim and even more rarely suck cock. And if I kiss you, well then I really like you. One of the things that I’ve not put on my Bossy Bottom lists is when the cunts ask if I’ll rim or blow them. First, see Commandment Number 1. If that ass isn’t fucking pristine, my mouth isn’t going near it. My nose tells me whether it’s okay to go in for a lick. Then if I taste anything bitter, um, I’m not taking a second lick.

 On the other hand, I am generally clean. I might not be fresh out of the shower. Your job, if I want you to, is to suck me hard. If my ass isn’t clean, I’ll never send a bottom down there. but I’ve had plenty of bottoms volunteer to lick my funky ass. Your choice. Just know I’m not kissing you after that, no matter how much I like you (or how much mouthwash you use later).

If I were to write this, it would say… Thou Shalt Not Demand Any Assistance to Prepare for Being Fucked But Thou Shalt Help a Top Prepare to Fuck

4. If your top wants you to blow a load before he fucks you, get to work jerking it.

The bottom may be asked to blow a load first.Yes, we know it’s going to hurt more when he fucks you after you’ve already nutted. If he’s asking, it’s obviously the point that he knows that and wants your hole super sensitive so that you really earn his cum. Time for you to bite that pillow.

  Mark notes: Now I already figured I wanted to fuck Ryan (author of the bottom half of this piece). Now I know I do. I’ve made bottoms bite the pillow and take me after they’ve popped off because they’re not patient for me to cum first. I stay hard after I cum and I like working my DNA in deeper. But actually jerking off before I start fucking?

I personally think there’s nothing hotter than a bottom who cums on my cock and lets me fuck him with his own cum. 

My version… Thou Shalt Cum When, Where and By What Means the Top Demands

5. Your top has control of a lot, but whether you moan while being fucked isn’t always one of them.

Vocalize pleasure, not pain.Some bottoms can just take more than others and vocalize that proportionally. That said, if he wants you to talk to him, he’ll fuck it out of you. And if all you can say during the first few thrusts is “ouch,” or “slow down,” or “easy,” expect him to put you face-down on the mattress or stick his underwear in your mouth. He has to fuck his way through the pain so you can start to feel the pleasure, so stop running away.

 Mark notes: Thou Shalt Vocalize Pleasure and Not Pain, Unless Your Top Demands Silence

6. Stop it already with putting your hands against his hips or stomach to try to control his depth/speed/roughness.

Bottoming is what you came here for, get to it.

 A Rough FuckMark notes: Now I’m not huge but I am hard and, for some bottoms, that’s a challenge (I don’t know why because it goes in easier than some softy you have to grasp by the base and shove inside). I will normally give a bottom a few moments to adjust to my cock. 

After that, shut up and take it. 

Along with this trying to stop it is when a bottom grabs my hips and tries to get me in deeper.

My commandment version… Thou Shalt Allow the Top to Penetrate as Deep, as Rough and at the Pace He Wishes

7. Don’t worry about jacking yourself off.

The bottom should never pleasure himself unless instructed to do so.Focus on the pain and the pleasure your top is giving you with his cock. If your top wants you to get off, he’ll either tell you to stroke it, or he’ll do it for you. It’s not his job to make you cum, it’s his job to fuck you how he wants to. The better job you do, the more likely he might let you cum while he’s still inside you. Earn it.

 Mark notes: Oh how much it pisses me off to have a bottom playing with his own nipples or jerking his cock or, worse, both. And I’m having to maintain balance for us both. Meanwhile, he accidentally brushes his hand against my balls and notices I like that and then goes back to jerking his own cock? You’ve got to be fucking kidding me?

Thou Shalt Not Touch Yourself Unless Ordered to Do So by the Top

8. Don’t try to take charge.

Ryan's Ass... the Bottom's Ultimate Ass...Your top sets the pace. Don’t back up onto the cock unless he tells you to. Your top is not an amusement park ride, you are. He’ll let you know if he wants you to drive.

 Mark notes: This one overlaps a little with Commandment Number 6 so we’re going to change it up a little because I think I know what the bottom means here.

There was this terrific bottom I fucked for a while and his ass just really knocked my socks off. Where he excelled happened to be when he’d be in the crab position above my cock and just ride the cum out of me. Literally. He did it once. I loved it.

I told him to do it again the next time I fucked him. He made a half-ass attempt for like a minute then switched positions and pace on me, even when I told him what I wanted. 

Then there’s been bottoms who grind their cock into the bed when I’m riding them in my favorite position. I tell them to stop moving and let me do all the work. I want to shoot off in their ass. Don’t move. Just hold still and let me use them to get myself off in their ass. But they don’t. They’re thinking moving against my fuck is good, even when I tell them just to hold still.

No.

It’s even better when I let a bottom try to get me off with his ass if he’ll ask if this is better. Go faster? Go deeper? Shut up? Just pay attention to me. You should figure it out.

Thou Shalt Do as the Top Commands at All Times, Pay Attention and Ask If It’s Unclear

9. Don’t be stupid.

 Ryan's Cub ChestUnless you have some prearranged, agreed upon commitment about something, it’s the top’s show. He picks the positions. He picks the bed, floor, shower, etc. And he picks where his load ends up. You can ask, but don’t natter away and make him regret picking you over the other guy that was just as hot.

 Mark notes: My dear bottom finds himself struggling a little with this one, so I’ll first say what I think fits best…

Thou Shalt Anticipate a Top’s Needs

It’s like I wrote about in my last Bossy Bottom Opens a new window from this blog piece. I’m on my way to cumming and the fucking bottom interrupts me. I’d fucked him before and he should have paid attention to know what it is that I’d preferred, how I liked to cum and then allowed me to shoot. Instead he interrupted me. He was stupid. He didn’t anticipate that I needed him just to enjoy the ride instead of worrying about his pleasures.

10. Don’t let your mouth write checks your ass can’t cash, so be careful what you say.

You didn't say you were not into this kind of play, did you?Don’t say “anything goes” unless you mean it. Don’t say “fuck me harder” unless you want to feel his girth for the next week. If you call your top “Daddy”, or “Sir”, or “Papi”, or whatever, be ready for any role play that follows. Don’t bitch about it if you call him “Sir,” only to have him put your ass hole through a Seal training boot camp. Your ass belongs to him until he’s done with it.

 Mark notes: Oh, this one is too fucking true. A great example is an entry I wrote quite a while back in my Dark Passenger series Opens a new window from this blog.  The young man told me he wanted some tit torture, I told him what I would do, he was gung ho for it, he showed up, I did it and he cried like a little bitch.

I see entries online all the time that bottoms will do “anything” except blood and scat. Do you guys realize how fucking wide open that is? You start talking to them and you soon find out it also includes no permanent scarring, no bruises, no hitting, no spanking, piss only with beer or water, time limit of two hours or less, no women, no transgender, no animals, no shaving, no bondage, must use a safe word, no drugs, etc. 

If Thou Asks It, Thy Top May or May Not Grant It

And one other thing. You call me “Daddy” only if I could actually be your “Daddy” — meaning you better be in your twenties. Then I’ll call you “son” or “boy.” And while I’m completely familiar with the Leather Community and the Sir/boy relationships, I do struggle with men my senior begging to be called “boy.”

I’ll give you whatever title I want to give you. Just because you think that word recaptures your youth, it doesn’t.

11. It isn’t about you, it’s about the top. Period.

It's all about pleasing the top and getting his load.Really understanding this eliminates the need for the other ten.

 Mark notes: Amen brother. Preach it.

Thou Shalt Focus All Thyself on The Top

The most successful bottoms have always expressed this. There’s this joy that comes from them — their jizzjoy Link Opens in a New Window — from the cum deposited in their ass. When I cum and I hear a bottom sigh from that, I know I’ve got someone who really enjoys what I do.

The Eleven Commandments of a True Bottom

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the lies men tell

The Lies Men Tell… Smokers (Part 1)

Have you ever watched the television show, “House”? Dr. House on the show offers up a kind of mantra or philosophy: “People lie.”

Occasionally, he adds to it: “All people lie.”

It’s true. Very true. As much as anyone wants to pretend that 100 percent of everything in their lives are true, lies might be the one constant that a human being can find and if you deny that, you’re simply lying to yourself. And that is the most powerful lie of all.

I find, more often than not, many people lie to me. Dishonesty is honestly the one thing I can count on more than anything else.

My favorite lie men like to tell me is the one that’s my own issue — and I admit as much.

It’s smoking.

I simply cannot fuck smokers. I know. Those of you who indulge this somehow think you don’t stink at all. Even without kissing me, I can smell it. It’s on your saliva and breath. No amount of toothpaste, mouthwash or gum can cover it up. It permeates your clothing and comes out of your pores as you sweat. Ask any man who’s tasted your cum. He knows the flavor of nicotine.

We all have that one thing and that’s mine. I’ll lose an erection so fast — if I’m lucky enough to manage to work one up.

I know when men lie about it. I know you’ve done your best to cover up your addiction. I don’t fault you for it. I simply won’t fuck you and send you on your way without calling you the liar you are when I asked about it. I usually do ask. Some men attempt to find out why I’m asking or the response I want.

Like that matters.

I know. I go with my gut. If you tell me you’ve quit recently, I know it’s bullshit.

So if you’re wondering why I’ve blocked you on BarebackRT.com or I didn’t hook up with you that time we met or the reason why we kissed only once then I came fast and left. It’s because I know the truth to this simple fact.

These are life’s speed bumps, things we just can’t get over. And this is mine.

On to Part Two, Photos… then Part Three, Test Results

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