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Q&A: The Real Problem Isn’t the Bottom

Q&A: The Real Problem Isn’t the Bottom

A ‘Top’ Asks for Advice

QuestionHey there Mark,

Sorry to bother you, sir.

I’ve been friends with this boy since we were kids and we are both gay. Well I’m gay and he is bi, he says, I think he is just addicted to sex. We fool around and stuff but I want more.

I always take him out to eat because he can’t pay rent. I always buy him clothes for job interviews even though he can’t hold a job. He is too young and dumb, he flunks out at school.

When we go to bars, guys lie to him all the time and he believes them and fights with me even though I feel like I am the only one protecting him.

(When we were 16, a group of forthysomething guys online invited him to a conversion party with him as the “guest of honor. He was going to go until I Googled what “conversion party” meant, then he didn’t go. That’s how dumb he is.)

I am annoyed because I feel like he owes me his pussy. I feel like I have put in the effort and I want what’s mine but he won’t bottom for me sober and he INSISTS on condoms.

Just typing that makes me mad.

I hate condoms, but he knows that and thinks I’m a whore. He gets way more action then me and he always leaves the bar with a different, masculine top (I am surprised they all adhere to his no bareback rule).

I don’t mind sharing his hole at all. In fact, the more the better! I just want in it.

Anyway, you are a true inspiration and I am hoping you have some advice for me, anything helps!

Frustrated Top, Tony in Minnesota

Answer from Mark

ATops are never “owed” ass. Tops take ass.

Nut up. Why are you taking this pussy’s bullshit?

You’re not a top. You’re worse than a pussy-whipped straight guy.

This little fucker is getting it raw. He’s a little demanding, bossy bottom and he gets away with it because no one has the balls to put the fucker in his place.

He needs fucked and bred. But you’re not the man to do it.

It’s time you admitted the truth. You’re a fucking bottom. Oh, I know it hurts a little when the cock slides inside. But you’re all weepy and lovey-dovey over a piece of ass.

And you haven’t owned it.

You do not have the capability or the instinct to be a true, natural top. It’s time you gave it up and started training your ass to take it.

Fuck, if you were paying for all my shit, I’d play dumb, coy and forbid you from fucking me raw. It keeps you chasing after me.

Bareback top visiting New Hampshire

Travel Diary: Bottoms Blah Blah Blah

Flakes are universal, along with fakes and catfish Open-New-Window-External. This I know.

But when it comes to superstar flaking out, New Hampshire takes the fucking cake. In fact, my visit to Concord might take the bakery.

Allow me to explain.

I always post future destinations in my travel plans on my BarebackRT.com profile Open-New-Window-External. I notify readers here Open-New-Window-External that I’m visiting. Of course, all this is tweeted Follow on Twitter and ends up on my Facebook Open-New-Window-External.

To enhance it all further, I post on Craigslist an add that looks something like the following:

TOP blogger visiting looking for bottom writing inspiration – m4m (Concord Area)

I’m a blogger who writes about my sexual experiences on the road with bottoms I encounter… My blog is read by thousands every single day, reproduced on several sites and even some entries end up on a famous porn studio’s website.

Perhaps you might like to be the inspiration for a piece when I slide into town next week?

I don’t identify the bottoms I fuck, just write about the experience…

Hit me up with your info — a pic, stats, etc. I’ll respond with my blog details so you can check it out. We’ll go from there.

The site contains a lot of information beyond my fucks. And if you happen to be a top, we can tag team or maybe you’d like to try sitting on my cock… it’s a perfect 7 inches cut.

Thanks!

P.S. The only major requirement (other than bottoming for me) is that you don’t smoke.

From all this, I do get a lot of inquiries. Most of them are lurkers who never intend to meet. This I get. It’s also an opportunity to find new people to read my blog since not all barebackers have found the Bareback Brotherhood or my blog.

With many there’s the “I just fuck safe,” and then more than half switch their story.  But some don’t. Yet, with my blog, it becomes a jerk-off destination for many.

When I do finally arrive, I e-mail the best back to see if they’re still up for that fuck.

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Arriving in Concord

My arrival in Concord allowed me to long in locally to BarebackRT.com, Grindr, Scruff and Manhunt.net, all of which use a geographic tool to notify one who’s closest. I also posted to Craigslist.

Two men of the many interested e-mailed me back saying they were still up for the fuck, but one 4 p.m. pump-and-dump session became a no-show with regrets arriving several hours later because he was “stuck somewhere.”

Flake.

All of my online activity netted me a lot of interest. A lot. I was fresh meat in a town that didn’t see a lot. Of course, I got the usuals…

People just wanting to collect photos, see my cock or face.

I had one prospect on BarebackRT… he was a fucking hot dude in his late twenties… seemed like a good one. But here’s where we begin one issue that baffled me for Concord.

He had no vehicle.

I needed to come to him and pick him up, bring him back to my hotel to fuck and then take him home.

Now please check out the map.

Concord is not a major city. It’s 1½ hours north of Boston. It’s not a walking city. How can you not have a car and survive, especially when you’re not in college?

This turned into a theme of the night. No car. No transportation. My car is in the shop. My car is in the shop due to the storm. I don’t have a car.

By the way, none of these bottoms ever asked where I was staying to see if I happened to be within walking distance.

I don’t guess Northeastern tops teach bottoms they’re the ones who need to make the effort Opens new window of a page on this blog.

While some of them were hot enough for me to go and fetch them, it turns out I didn’t rent the car but a colleague did. I simply wasn’t an option.

Then came the other morons.

I also get a collection of those who want to postpone. These guys appear in every city, without fail. I wonder if they ever fuck. All conversations go something like this.

THEM: “How long you in town?”

ME: Just tonight (no matter how long I’m in town, I always say I’m here “just tonight”)

THEM: “Damn! It’s getting late tonight.”

ME: It’s just 9:30.

THEM: “I know but I have to get up early. I wish you were here…” fill in the blank with “tomorrow night” or “this weekend”

In other words, they can never come over now or today.

Proximity Alert

My first promising opportunity looked like a threesome, which I won’t get into too much detail on. In his early thirties and a scruffy blond, wanted to know if I wanted to fuck both him and another guy, in his early twenties — both online at the same time. As if on cue, the younger one sends me a message.

The younger one asks if I’ve got poppers, which of course I do.

Then he asks if I’ve got anything “more fun.”

WTF.

“Dude,” I respond back. “You’re well aware I’ve come into town. That means I flew. That means I went through security. At an airport. Are you fucking kidding me? Why would I have any drugs?”

He responds, “Oh yea, I guess you’re right. But I still want to fuck.”

Anyway, the vibe is off and the duo then go even more weird. The young one claims the old one is stalking him. The old one claims they’re “together.”

I don’t want to get into the shit. Kick them both to the curb.

Right Downstairs

One last opportunity happens as a guy indicates he’s in a hotel. I ask which one and it turns out he’s in the same one as I am.

Bingo.

He won’t disclose his room, so I give him mine, knowing my colleague isn’t on that floor. He tells me he needs 10 minutes to shower and get cleaned up.

Those 10 minutes pass. Then another 10. Another 10. Yet another 10. And at 45 minutes, I finally message him.

He apologizes, saying it’s taking him longer than he thought to clean out his ass.

Whatever, I say, just get his ass to my room.

Then he says come to his.

I tell him I don’t have his room number.

He says okay, he’s now putting on his clothes.

At an hour after we started this exchange, he says he’s on his way.

Then I get a text asking me if I’ll suck his dick too.

I’m baffled. I just ask, “What?”

Then he writes, “I need to run by the front desk real quick.”

Fuck that.

This fucker is just playing me.

“Forget it.”

He gets all bent out of shape. Says he won’t go by the front desk. Blah blah blah.

After some back and forth, I say he can some to my room, but he has three minutes to get there.

He says he doesn’t like my attitude.

I tell him to fuck off.

The next morning, he begs me to come to his room to fuck him.

I tell him I’m not disturbing  guests actually staying in the hotel.

Postscript

Perhaps the little fucker actually was staying in the hotel or maybe he was one of the guys I’d e-mailed earlier and said I was in town and knew the hotel from that. I’ll never know. I’m proud I never knocked on anyone’s door. That shit pisses me off. He probably kept delaying things to try and get someone else to come over and knock on my door but, like me, couldn’t find anyone to do it.

My luck is your luck, fucker.

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How to Host a Gay Orgy

how to host a gay bareback orgy

How to Host a Gay Orgy, Content

Pick an Orgy Theme
BulletStrip Poker Opens new window of a page on this blog
Planning Your Space
Security Concerns
Purchasing and Planning Supplies
The Guest List
Scheduling the Orgy
Asking a Guest to Leave
Asking for Money
Orgy Etiquette
BulletA More Detailed Orgy Etiquette Opens new window of a page on this blog
The Orgy Begins
Boosting Sexual Success
Ending the Orgy

 

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Pick an Orgy Theme

Why pick a theme? It’s an orgy! Right?

Every orgy has a theme even if it’s, “Anything goes.” That’s a theme.

Perhaps it’s a “load the birthday boy” or “twentysomething jerkoff” party. It doesn’t matter. Creating a successful orgy means generating some interest.

When I lived in Washington, D.C., I happened to own a home that had a single large room with almost no windows that made it a particularly successful space for hosting orgies. I became quite successful at creating some get-togethers.

A few ideas beyond the traditional conversion party Open-New-Window-External  or jock/bear/twink/leather exclusive get together:

lightbulb_on Friday Fog Fuck Fest
lightbulb_on My version of strip poker Opens new window of a page on this blog
lightbulb_on Sexy slumber party
lightbulb_on Masquerade party
lightbulb_on Gloryhole Hoe Down
lightbulb_on Underwear exchange orgy
lightbulb_on Russian Roulette orgy Open-New-Window-External

You can make it simple just by restricting age, kind of people, types or anything else. But choosing a theme helps you in restricting your guest list. This is something you will want to do.

Please note that being polite goes a long way to lessen the animosity that could develop. Posting something like, “No fatties and ancient trolls,” will piss off some queens who’ve been used to attacks. Therefore these bitterness-containers may target your gathering by pretending to be someone else and then wrecking havoc or, worse, creating a security risk by informing the local homophobic hate groups.

Don’t laugh. I’ve seen it happen. And truth be told, I’ve had an asshole host cause (a younger, less mature) me to send dozens of people to his house and ruin his orgy (he was a fortysomething man hosting only svelte, blond twentysomethings with treasure trails, although his invite didn’t say as much). When he uninvited me, he wasn’t delicate and polite.

RULE #1 of GOOD ORGY HOSTING
Don’t Be an Asshole.

Your orgy theme needs to reflect the kind of debaucherous experience you want to occur, even if it’s an impromptu sex encounter with a few locals.

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Planning Your Space

Gay Bareback OrgyIf the orgy is at your home, decide where guests will and will not have access. Think of the entire experience. Do you live in a gated community? A high-rise with street parking? A home in the suburbs? A basement apartment with a back entrance?

The entire visit must be explained in detail to your guests. Don’t just give an address, but let them know about the parking situation, whether there’s a gate or door code, whether to knock or enter straight on, etc.

Explaining the access interior might be important as well.

Dump-and-go parties — where there’s a bottom set up and accepting loads from multiple tops who stop by over a period of time — usually has a space where the tops can clean-up, disrobe and also put back on clothes in preparation to leave. When hosting in a hotel or motel, this isn’t always possible.

Other orgies usually have a playroom or rooms where the sex occurs and a break space for refreshments. Sometimes there’s a space for people to remove, put on and store clothing.

RULE #2 of GOOD ORGY HOSTING
Have a place for guests to disrobe, store clothing safely and dress later.

Although I enjoy going over and doing the “wham, bam, thank you Sam” thing, I don’t really consider that an orgy. You will need the following three spaces minimal:

Green square bullet Dressing room
Green square bullet Play space(s)
Green square bullet Clean-up space (most likely a bathroom)

Your optional spaces may include the following:

Yellow Square Bullet Lounge break space (where sex will not occur but guests may be naked)
Yellow Square Bullet Non-sex lounging space (where guests should be clothed and no sex should occur)
Yellow Square Bullet Refreshment space (may also be the lounge space, but a place where guests can get a drink of water or other beverage or snack)
Yellow Square Bullet Specialty sex spaces (you may want to designate a space for bondage, barebacking, JO, sling(s), massage, etc.)

Finally, you should consider designating off limits spaces.

bullet_square_red Post signs for spaces like extra rooms, your office, etc., that guests should not enter.
bullet_square_red Also consider posting signs on the refrigerator, pantry, cabinets, etc., politely directing guests to the location of refreshments. Use positive phrases like, “Beer, sodas and bottled water located in the cooler on the deck” rather than “Don’t take my shit from the refrigerator” because people will be more likely to take stuff with negative commands.

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Security Concerns

When planning any get together, security is a must. I personally have been to orgies where my belongings were stolen Opens new window of a page on this blog from inside the orgy home and the word “FAG” was keyed into my car. As both the host and the participant, ways to assure a secure environment

As a host, two ways secure your environment:

The Locked-Door Policy

At a designated time (as you clearly state in the invitation), the entrance/exit will be locked. No new admissions will occur after this point. While you plainly state this, I recommend that you be a little late on locking the door. This allows for traffic issues (which you should monitor in case there’s an accident nearby — it’s happened to me) and for those who just can’t arrive on time. It also allows for the participants to loosened up a little.

Monitored

This one is a little more difficult because it requires someone or a couple of folks to skip the fun and monitor the door (and perhaps the clothing room). A couple of ways to accomplishing this:

bullet_square_blue Hire men to be your “security.” You can hire “heteroflexible” men, like local “straight” strippers. Let your participants know these men (who will wear little) are available after the festivities and will be accepting tips. You can also hire older men, straight men, liberal women, friends or pretty much anyone who doesn’t give a fuck what’s going on. Let the participants know that these folks are protecting their belongings. Once the party is in “full swing,” the doorman can step outside and check cars, call police if there’s suspicious activity, alert participants if the cops are coming, etc. If you can, consider creating a “coat check” like situation. Consider purchasing several stackable plastic bins and let participants put their clothes and keys inside it. Post-It notes allows the coat-check person to note a name and description (Tom, pierced nipples, smooth, bald head).

bullet_square_blue Create shifts with volunteers. Some folks will do it for free but consider asking for tips. It’s in everyone’s best interest. The best bet are folks who want a single shot (or need to cum just once). There’s also the option to send bottoms to service the top monitors while they work.

I’d always suggest you encourage participants to leave valuables at home, lock their IDs and wallets in their cars (hidden and out of site).

If you’re attending an orgy, I recommend the same — leave as many valuables as you can at home and the rest in your vehicle. After my stolen clothes experience, I’d suggest the following (unless you know the host or you’re attending an orgy with someone there to protect your clothes and goods):

bullet_square_blue Keep your clothes and keys with you, leaving your wallet and phone in the car (if you don’t feel safe without a phone, don’t fucking go; or, as an option, park close and have a Bluetooth connection to your phone at all times). I’ve been to an orgy or two where there was a designated room for play and it was easy enough to strip, fuck, play and then clothe oneself to hang out and eat, drink or socialize in other parts of the house.

bullet_square_blue If there’s a “no clothes” rule, consider separating your clothes and your car keys. Car keys can easily be stashed away someplace small and not very obvious. This gives a thief something to take and gives you a chance to still get your car. I’d drive home naked (or borrowing some shorts from the stupid host) with my keys than trying to get my keys from someone else.

bullet_square_blue Another option is simply keep your keys on you by securing them in a sock or something else on your body. I recommend this option, especially in sketchy situations if you have to bail without your clothes (I’ve heard of this but never personally experienced it). This might lead you to wearing disposable clothes (ones that you wouldn’t mind losing) and having an extra set in your vehicle.

I also recommend you be well aware of your surroundings and have an escape route. If something goes wrong, you can get the fuck out and leave. Also, just in case, I always leave “evidence” or information of the address where I went so anyone can find it quickly.

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Purchasing and Planning Supplies

About to fuck in a gay orgyWe don’t want to believe that we need to purchase things like poppers Opens new window of a page on this blog and lube, but alas, not everyone brings their shit even when we insist on it. Therefore, plan on buying some and having someone take yours.

I personally always purchase smaller bottles of lube anyway because I’m always needing to pocket them for random hookups or visits to bookstores Opens new window of a page on this blog or sex clubs Opens new window of a page on this blog. As an option (if you purchase in bulk or gallon size), put the lube in plastic travel bottles. Poppers can’t be put in plastic and, generally, are too valuable just to leave all over the house. I would tuck my favorites certain places for me to remember if I needed them handy.

Consider purchasing inexpensive hand towels spaced throughout the house, especially on any flat surface and in any room you think sex will happen. Put away the nice towels and put out the cheap ones.

Now some people might think of “party favors” or “party supplies” might be drugs like Tina (crystal meth), Molly (MDNA), ecstasy or marijuana (pot or 420). You may wish to allow them, but it certainly makes your gathering a target for law enforcement. I personally would avoid such and say it’s not allowed (if you choose to indulge, do it on your own privately). Unless you’re already in some liberal bastion like San Francisco, a gay bareback orgy is going to be especially frowned upon, so law enforcement getting wind of illegal drugs and sodomy going on just might cause a major sting operation. Avoid.

And if you’re thinking of going and know that this is happening, avoid.

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The Guest List

Guests to your gathering will be inevitably difficult to build. I always recommend you begin with your own hookups. You know these men so you’ll know a little bit about them — top, bottom or versatile. Generally, that is where every orgy begins with a mixture of how many men you’d like to invite and the ratio of tops-to-bottoms.

In barebacking, bottoms can be really greedy. Therefore, making it very clear the collection of people attending will make it much easier.

The question will also come for photographs along with statistics of the other attendees.

This makes for a very weird situation because some 22-year-old might refuse to come if there’s one ugly 40-year-old in the bunch. This is why I encourage the theme choice from the outset.

If it’s a “white athletes in their twenties with six pack abs only” party, then fucking specify it. However, the host must match the theme as well.

RULE #3 of GOOD ORGY HOSTING
The host must “match” the theme.

I once saw a guy hosting a barebacking party and knew who it was. He happened to be in his fifties, older, hairier and frankly out-of-shape fat. He used deceptive advertising on Craigslist to get younger men to respond, thinking they were coming to a nice jocks-only orgy.

Once I got the address of the get together, I flooded Craigslist with information on the man hosting the party. I also sent a few older, hairier men over to the address when they asked about it. I know. It’s evil of me. And it wasn’t friendly to the other guys. But the asshole got the point.

One must be reasonable about what one is going to get. One must be honest about what will be attending.

What I generally do with the first installment of an invitation folks know the general range of who will be attending based on the theme. Then, if the person is interested in attending, he must return at least one photo for inclusion in a collage of photos I put together.

I give everyone a deadline and let everyone know when the e-mail with everyone’s stats and the collage of photos will go out.

Some people send me a dozen pics. Some send one. Some send face. Some send ass. Some send body. Some send cock. I put together one or two collages of photos and a list of the participants’ basic stats.

From that point, I ask for confirmation of attendance.

At your first orgy, expect about 20 to 40 percent of your participants to actually arrive. If you maintain a mailing list and your orgies continue to be successful, the percentages will go up. Generally, you will never get more than 60 percent.

iphone-in-a-pocketE-mail multiple times leading up to the actual orgy start. Provide phone numbers for people who need them (if you don’t want to give out your real number, consider getting a Google Voice number Open-New-Window-External and link it or forward it to your phone. Yes, you can even get texts, but not all MMS.

One may use the BarebackRT.com Open-New-Window-External local party feature, but not everyone is on BBRT. There’s also sites like Evite.com, which allows for maybe, yes, no and hasn’t responded to invitations. Either way, you will want to build your own database or mailing list to maintain and you might even want to make mental notes of who attends and who doesn’t. I personally recommend getting really e-mail addresses and issuing invitations through those, as they’re easier to track should something happen at a get together.

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Scheduling the Orgy

Tea time orgies (anything in the afternoons) generally only work on weekends and holidays unless you’re planning on hosting an orgy at a public sex club or adult bookstore Opens new window of a page on this blog. Lunchtime drop-off orgies can work under certain circumstances.

Depending on the theme, the later the better. If you’re having a strip poker party Opens new window of a page on this blog or some normal party, then starting at 7 p.m. or so is just fine. Plan on later — more like 10 p.m. to midnight or even 1 a.m. if you want the after bar crowd.

One might even survey people to see what they might prefer. SurveyMonkey.com allows limited number of responses if you want to have a small selection of people to answer.

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Orgy Etiquette

I love to include a special section on etiquette Opens new window of a page on this blog in my e-mailed invitations. It’s an important reminder to everyone attending and it’s helped me make my orgies a little better. While I’ve created a more detailed version of the orgy etiquette Opens new window of a page on this blog here, your summary can be simple:

bullet You will not be attracted to everyone who attends, but there will be people there you’ll find hot.
bullet An orgy is like a potluck dinner — try a little of everything; don’t limit yourself like some sort of a la carte menu.
bullet Don’t plan on choosing the one guy you find hot and go off into a corner to make out; it’s an orgy which means everyone plays with everyone.
bullet Everyone’s allowed to touch everyone else; politely let someone else know if you’d prefer something else.
bullet (If appropriate) Let the attendees know if there’s a designated top or bottom for use if all else fails.
bullet No jerking off or just voyeur play; you’re a participant.

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Asking a Guest to Leave

I have rarely hosted an orgy without having someone who needs to be politely asked to leave or who automatically knows they are the odd man out, so to speak. Further, with bareback orgies, someone always tries to sneak in just to watch the fun and never participate. For some people, this isn’t a problem. I personally think it’s not a show but a participant sport.

One should be there to play.

Therefore, if something isn’t right, as host you can ask someone to leave.

Here’s the easiest way:

[alert style=”orange”] I wanted to thank you so much for coming to the get together.
However, I think it’s going to be in your best interest if you go ahead and leave.
I’m sorry it didn’t work out but I’ll keep you in mind for a more appropriate get together in the future. [/alert]

Now sometimes a dimwitted guest will want to know why they’re being asked to leave. Here’s a few examples:

[alert style=”orange”]I’m so sorry to say this, but the photos you provided don’t appear to be an accurate portrayal.
Perhaps it would benefit you to update them in the near future.(If you ask multiple guests to leave; this is a lie to spare the feelings of those you’re asking to leave)
I am afraid something has come up and we’re going to need to cancel the sexual portion of the party.
I hope you don’t mind. I’ll let you know if and when we reschedule.Unfortunately, you’re just not compatible with the designated theme of the party.I apologize, but we do expect you to participate in the sexual activity, not just watch.[/alert]

Occasionally, one does have to be a little mean to kick someone out. Or just start the orgy and let someone sit alone for a while and realize they’re all alone.

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Asking for Money

fucking bareback orgyI am not a big proponent of asking for designated amounts. I went to one orgy once that required $20 to get in. Funny thing, when I left after finding it a bust, the “donation” basket sat full by the front door. While I could have absconded with hundreds of dollars, I just took my twenty back since I didn’t shoot a load. I felt I didn’t get my money’s worth.

I don’t think it’s a big deal to suggest people tip for security or other things, but an actual admission or cover starts making it more like a sex club. Why do that?

Whatever you do, make it a donation or a suggested donation or optional tip.

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The Orgy Begins

I believe in alcohol.

Beer, wine, shots or something is needed before the “official” kick off of the orgy should begin.

Consider the booze a little lubricant for the party. It’s needed for people to get to know each other. I sometimes like for there to be an hour or so before the official orgy begins and the loosening up period begin.

This allows for people who feel out of place to leave (without you asking them). It also allows a little time for the inhibitions to go down.

Now it does depend on the type of party. For a blackout or darkroom or fog party where the room is dark, you don’t need this. But sometimes it is needed so people can become more comfortable.

Also, as the party begins, consider turning the air conditioning or heater temperature down, cracking a window or something to cool the space off. The space will heat up quickly. However, if the space is cooled off too well, no one will get naked.

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Boosting Sexual Success

People hired to applaud at appropriate times during a performance are known as claqueurs Open-New-Window-External and, in a way, the host and a few others need to be such at an orgy.

Your orgy claqueurs will act as instigators of action. They’ll start blowjobs or fucking or get naked or jerking off or whatever it takes to break the ice and get the action going.

With every orgy, the sexual energy ebbs and flows with the attendees and the vibe. You want to choose sexual people who can seemingly create sexual tension out of nothing.

Asking people to be your orgy instigators of action will help tremendously so you aren’t always the one.

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Ending the Orgy

Unless you’ve decided to make a night of it by hosting some sort of sleep over, the party must come to an end. Some people just don’t seem to take a hint.

I suggest giving a definitive end to your party in time. If you’re having a good time and it goes over, then don’t worry. But when you’re ready, just tell the lingerers, “Hey, I didn’t realize it’s after 1 a.m. I’m going to have to get up early tomorrow. Do you guys mind taking this someplace else?”

They’ll mosey out the door in due time.

The other option is to simply bring them their clothes. Hint, hint!

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The Catfish Phenomenon

The Catfish Phenomenon

Manti Te'o ShirtlessPoor football player. A big athlete falls in love with a “girl” and gets fooled into a three-year “relationship” over the internet and phone, then we all discover it’s fake. The humiliation of this isn’t enough, but to find out later the jock’s been fooled by a male “Christian singer who tried out for ‘The Voice.'”

Shocking?

Fuck no.

It just finally happened prominently, in the public eye. And Manti Te’o, the Notre Dame football player eventually to turn pro and hoping to save his career, got forced to admit his ignorance publicly.

He’s just a dumb jock.

I’ve had catfish galore. You would think I have a catfish farm and raise them.

Here’s a pic of the most recent attempt to dupe me. When I told the little fucker that no, his picture was all over the Internet and that it first appeared on a particular website, this was the porn name it appeared under, etc., the guy admitted the truth.

That’s not always the case.

My Most Recent Catfish Attempt

Catfish are, for the most part, dedicated to their craft. The most recent one that really caught my attention supposedly lived in Washington, D.C., with a Pennsylvania phone number. He served as a hooker, allowing older men to pound his ass mercilessly or some would pay simply to beat the shit out of him — according to the stories he would tell.

He was introduced to the world of escorting by, none other than his father, who taught him to take cock around 9 years old. Now at 19, he was a cumslut. Men would come over and pay upward of $200 each to dump a load in his smooth ass.

Problem is, three years ago, according to his Twitter account, he was 19 then also. Of course, his explanation to me was at that time he was lying. Now he was telling me the truth.

I’d figured out early on he lied a lot, but I carried on the “relationship” much longer than I wanted or even could tolerate simply to see how dedicated he would be to his character. He was unrelenting. Excuses for every inconsistency of his story and, when I asked for explanation, he would turn around to attack me for not trusting him.

So very clever.

I successfully got three photos out of him over about a month, but I could never get him to produce a candid photo in a pose I requested. That, to me, is the tell-tell sign of someone almost real. Of course, one of the original catfish I dealt with was a female Wal-Mart manager who had a minor male employee pose for her photos. She would have him call to leave voice mails as well. But I never spoke to him live.

How do you determine a catfish?

  1. Surprise phone calls. Calls should be answered at all times. If you’re in a “relationship” then a 3 a.m. emergency call shouldn’t be a big deal once in a while. If your calls seem to go to voice mails whenever you call, then you’ve got an issue.
  2. Special requests. Send them a t-shirt or red shorts or something like that in the mail. The day they get it, ask them to wear it, take a photo of themselves doing some sort of pose. Expect the photo within 5 minutes. Excuses like, “I’m at work right now,” or, “I work for the government, they don’t allow me to do that,” or, “I’m on my work phone, I can’t do that,” or, “My cell phone camera is broken, I need to do it at home,” is a sure sign that something is wrong! (Think about it, you sent the gift to their home; they received it at home; why are they suddenly at work?)
  3. Google. Google names, numbers, address and photos. Keep in mind you do need to pay for anything (there will be offers that pop up). Generally, you can glean enough information to find out whether a phone number is a cellular provider or whether it’s a virtual number that’s forwarding to a cell (using Skype or Google Voice). Be smart about phone numbers and locations. Talk about the weather. My guy in D.C. did keep up with the weather in Washington, even though his number was in Pennsylvania. If there’s a delay about what the weather happens to be, you know it’s the case. When searching the name, which many are common, check to determine whether someone has all the common accounts, not just the ones with whom you connect. Sure, creating a fake Facebook is one thing. Is he on LinkedIn? Unless he’s a hooker, you should find a LinkedIn account. And had Manti Te’o searched his “girlfriend’s” photo, he would have found she wasn’t real.
  4. Use logic and track the stories. On detective shows, you’ll often see the big bulletin boards with people’s photos and strings. You must create a virtual one of your own. Who’s his father and mother? What’s their names? Where do they live? Google. Brothers and sisters? Names? Google. College? Google. Old friends. Nowadays, we all leave a trace. For my D.C. catfish, he’d not been out at local bars for about a year. He made the mistake of being friends with a bouncer at a local gay bar — one that had closed recently. When I asked about the crowd, the bouncer, with whom I was supposedly texting while the hooker got fucked in another room, answered like he’d been working. Told me about his bosses. Stupid stuff. Yet I knew the club was closed and had been. Of course, the catfish denied the whole thing and said I was speaking with someone else who lied to me. Both entities just had a tendency to misspell the same words.
  5. Surprise visits. Nothing else shocks the shit out of a catfish like a live visit Opens a new window from this blog. Just telling one you’re coming to visit and that you’ve booked a trip will get the response you need to know. If the suspected catfish is prepared to meet, then maybe it’s for real. But likely, they’re “not ready” for that face-to-face encounter, even just for lunch. Hang the fuck up and move on.

Catfish are people too

Manti Te'o Hoaxer Ronaiah Tuiasosopo ShirtlessI get dozens of e-mails and IMs and text messages from people who want to meet me. I am so very flattered. But far too many never truly want to meet. We call them flakes, of course. We all know them for how they really treat us because, legitimately, they’re not willing to meet.

I cannot begin to shrink them. Too many people have tried to shrink me, to diagnose my own dysfunctions. However, within this world, something is missing that current relationships just cannot seem to meet so they need to create a persona to find a way to fulfill that need.

With Ronaiah Tuiasosopo, the catfish for Manti Te’o, he’s attempting a career in the Christian singing world and he’s a former football player. My guess — and I am speaking with no special knowledge — is he can’t find a way to reconcile his homosexuality with his Christianity yet. By creating a female, it worked. As angry as people are at Ronaiah Tuiasosopo, I hope he figures out he’s gay and finds a big, butch man to fuck him the way he needs it.

Catfish will thrive

[alert style=”white”] They used to tank cod from Alaska all the way to China. They’d keep them in vats in the ship. By the time the codfish reached China, the flesh was mush and tasteless. So this guy came up with the idea that if you put these cods in these big vats, put some catfish in with them and the catfish will keep the cod agile. And there are those people who are catfish in life. And they keep you on your toes. They keep you guessing, they keep you thinking, they keep you fresh. And I thank god for the catfish because we would be droll, boring and dull if we didn’t have somebody nipping at our fin.
—”Catfish,” 2010[/alert]

Catfish are here to keep us on our toes, or that’s what the documentary that originated the pop culture term suggests. I’m not so convinced. But in today’s impersonal, digital world, it seems to me we all need those connections that cannot be achieved in person for fear of reprisals.

How do you deal with catfish when you discover one? A true catfish can never be trusted. Never. You can’t. And generally, I’ve found the catfish never breaks character. They’re bound to their character. When I discovered one catfish and their real life, I contacted many people from real life including significant other, friends, relatives and more. A catfish is convincing in their real life too and stays dedicated to that character. Each did not believe the strange story I told.

But eventually, they would see it was true. I hope that catfish found a way to get some help and to stop living in fantasy land.

Like everyone else, I crave realness. I think if you bareback, that may be another reason why we do so. We don’t want to keep the distance between two human beings, even if it’s two-millimeters thick in plastic. We want that connection. For barebackers, we put it all out there, exposed. For catfish, they don’t. It’s all murky.

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Blogs, Search Terms and Pages for iBLASTinside Visitors in November 2012

The Websites that Get You Here

I find this stuff interesting and I thought I’d share it for those of you who gives a shit (and might like to check out other destinations). These are the sources of referrals from other websites that come to iBLASTinside.com. This is the top 10 of the ones that send folks to my blog.

Twitter referrals — everyone and anyone, since Twitter converts all URLs to the t.co domain…  same as October.

Confessions of a Bareback Sauna Slut Blog from Josh Landale maintains his second spot in October just like September.

My Tumblr account at Barebacking.Tumblr.com notches up The Big Riser one from the #4 position.

Referrals from Facebook ticks down On a downward trend from #3 in October.

My other Tumblr account, BarebackOne.Tumblr.com, slides up The Big Riser one spot.

BikeGuy13, one of my best blogger friends, returns The Big Riser to the top 10.

SmoothButtforMatureTops blog jumps two The Big Riser after returning to the top 10 in October.

TreasureIslandBlog.com reemerges in the top 10 The Big Riser thanks to posting one of my entries as a two-part series on its Cum Sloppy stories Opens a new window from this blog.

Reddit drops On a downward trend two spots.

 RentBoy.com plunges On a downward trend five spots.

 

The Pages You Look at Most

The top viewed pages for the month shows readers’ interest. In November, these were the pages visitors looked at most often.

Guide to Gloryhole Etiquette (Same for third month.)

Guide to Visiting a Gay Bathhouse (Same for second month.)

Inserection Adult Bookstore in Atlanta The Big Riser (Up three spots.)

iBLASTinside Bareback Theater On a downward trend (Down one from the #3 spot.)

How to Meet and Get Fucked by Mark Bentson (Same for third month.)

Poppers and Persuasion: A Guide The Big Riser (Up three from the #9 spot.)

Top 10 Stealthing Tips (Same for second month.)

Bareback Movie Gallery The Big Riser (Up one from #9 spot.)

Guide to the Sleazy Side of Atlanta The Big Riser (Up one from #10 spot.)

Stealth Bomb: What It Is, What It Isn’t and How It Works The Big Riser (Premier in the top 10.)

 

The Terms You Google to Get Here

Here are the top 10 search terms in November 2012.

iblastinside (same for many months)

bareback blog (same for second month)

i blast inside The Big Riser (#7, up four)

glory hole etiquette On a downward trend (#3, d0wn one)

gay sauna tumblr (same for second month)

gay bareback blog The Big Riser (#10, up four)

iblastinside.com On a downward trend (#4, down three)

gloryhole etiquette On a downward trend (#7, down one)

stealth barebackThe Big Riser (premier in top 10)

bareback blogs On a downward trend (#8, down two)

 

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