Tag Archives: Gay Lesbian and Bisexual

Q&A: The Real Problem Isn’t the Bottom

Q&A: The Real Problem Isn’t the Bottom

A ‘Top’ Asks for Advice

QuestionHey there Mark,

Sorry to bother you, sir.

I’ve been friends with this boy since we were kids and we are both gay. Well I’m gay and he is bi, he says, I think he is just addicted to sex. We fool around and stuff but I want more.

I always take him out to eat because he can’t pay rent. I always buy him clothes for job interviews even though he can’t hold a job. He is too young and dumb, he flunks out at school.

When we go to bars, guys lie to him all the time and he believes them and fights with me even though I feel like I am the only one protecting him.

(When we were 16, a group of forthysomething guys online invited him to a conversion party with him as the “guest of honor. He was going to go until I Googled what “conversion party” meant, then he didn’t go. That’s how dumb he is.)

I am annoyed because I feel like he owes me his pussy. I feel like I have put in the effort and I want what’s mine but he won’t bottom for me sober and he INSISTS on condoms.

Just typing that makes me mad.

I hate condoms, but he knows that and thinks I’m a whore. He gets way more action then me and he always leaves the bar with a different, masculine top (I am surprised they all adhere to his no bareback rule).

I don’t mind sharing his hole at all. In fact, the more the better! I just want in it.

Anyway, you are a true inspiration and I am hoping you have some advice for me, anything helps!

Frustrated Top, Tony in Minnesota

Answer from Mark

ATops are never “owed” ass. Tops take ass.

Nut up. Why are you taking this pussy’s bullshit?

You’re not a top. You’re worse than a pussy-whipped straight guy.

This little fucker is getting it raw. He’s a little demanding, bossy bottom and he gets away with it because no one has the balls to put the fucker in his place.

He needs fucked and bred. But you’re not the man to do it.

It’s time you admitted the truth. You’re a fucking bottom. Oh, I know it hurts a little when the cock slides inside. But you’re all weepy and lovey-dovey over a piece of ass.

And you haven’t owned it.

You do not have the capability or the instinct to be a true, natural top. It’s time you gave it up and started training your ass to take it.

Fuck, if you were paying for all my shit, I’d play dumb, coy and forbid you from fucking me raw. It keeps you chasing after me.

Indianapolis

On the Way to Indianapolis Later this Month…Not Once But Twice!

I’m doing lots and lots of traveling here lately! It’s a good thing.

I’ll be out and meeting more of the barebacking men who like getting fucked raw.

Looks like I’ll be visiting Indianapolis a little later on in April. Hell, looks like I’ll be in town TWICE.

It will be my first visit to this city. I’m not sure what the bareback or even the gay scene is like there. Maybe, if I’m lucky, it’s a miniature Chicago. Anyone know? Let me know Opens new window of a page on this blog.

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Hate (1 of 3)

Hate (1 of 3)

Whenever you hear someone say, “I’m not racist,” they’re about to spout something racist. And so I believe when folks say they’re not judgmental.

Of late, a quiet storm of hate — you can attempt to call it disapproval, dismay or other such terms, but it truly boils down to hate — has spread to the corners of the Internet. It’s generated a kind of peer pressure, not unlike the vocal Tea Party. A small minority within the majority. And those people, the squeaky wheels, have created a disproportionate voice among the many to silence a voice that had finally begun to rise.

Barebacking is not an activity of the minority of positive men who are about to die anyway. Recent scientific surveys revealed about half of gay men engage in raw sex. And that outrages the conservative wing of the gay vocals.

This, along with the rise of the Bareback Brotherhood Open-New-Window-External, my blog, Raw Top’s blog Open-New-Window-External, BarebackRT.com Open-New-Window-External, Treasure Island Media Open-New-Window-External, porn performers going raw Opens new window of a page on this blog and other such events coming to light makes for nothing short of radicalization by some.

It’s in quiet corners but it’s having an impact. I’m going to share what’s happening over the next couple of entries. I’ve written about some things Opens new window of a page on this blog. And to many who claim not to be judgmental, those folks seem to enjoy calling me and others brutal names and attempting at humor to blunt something nothing less than radical right hatred.

Explaining Myself

I do want to thank those who write me small notes of encouragement when they see, hear and read the attacks.

My blog is about me and all the dichotomies I embody and, without reading everything, some choose to select entries and judge me based on those. But I choose to believe we all struggle with our place on the planet and, no matter how sincere that sounds, someone’s going to twist that into me sounding something other than sincere.

I understand that I fuck my way through man after man, sometimes through a gloryhole Open-New-Window-External, and that “intimate” act could seem anything but intimate. Some of my friends consider fucking as friendly as “hello” and the most intimate act being a French kiss. I’ve put myself into the handler space and attempted a little pup play, but that just never floated my boat. It’s not my place to attack those choices if one chooses to belittle another.

Perhaps my occasional need to have the opportunity to use a hole comes from being used myself as a molested child Opens new window of a page on this blog and unusual urges that wanted it to happen sometimes Opens new window of a page on this blog. Perhaps I’m just an asshole that way.

However, I never force anyone to back their ass up to a gloryhole Opens new window of a page on this blog. I don’t have a leash or a whip. No one’s been trained or chained.

I started this blog as an exploration of my sexual being and my life. It’s become much more than that. I’m not apologizing for my humanity. And the explanation of who I am isn’t over. The day the blog ends is the day that explanation is over.

I have a feeling it’s the day I die.

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Bareback-Friendly Destinations

Bareback-Friendly Bathhouses, Sex Clubs and Resorts

These destinations are known to be friendly or indifferent to gay bareback sex occurring at its location.

Do you have a destination that should be included? If you are a business owner or if the business sponsors or allows bareback events to occur at its location, we will include it here. If raw fucking is pervasive at the location, it may also be included — but only if multiple barebackers nominate the location. Please e-mail Mark Bentson mailbox_full or contact him Opens new window of a page on this blog with your suggestion.

AZ | CA | COGA | FL | IN | IL | LA | MO | NV | OH | PA | RI | TX | WA | WI
Canada

 

Arizona

Phoenix
Flex Open-New-Window-External Bathhouse yelp

TOP Return to Top

California

Berkeley
Steamworks Open-New-Window-External Bathhouse yelp

Cathedral City
Cathedral City Boys Club (CCBC) Open-New-Window-External Resort yelp

Hollywood
Hollywood Spa Open-New-Window-External Bathhouse yelp
Melrose Spa Open-New-Window-External Bathhouse yelp

Los Angeles
Flex Open-New-Window-External Bathhouse
Midtowne Spa Open-New-Window-External Bathhouse yelp
Slammer Sex Club Open-New-Window-External Sex Club yelp

 

North Hollywood
North Hollywood Spa Open-New-Window-External Bathhouse yelp

Palm Springs
Cathedral City Boys Club (CCBC) Open-New-Window-External Resort yelp
     NOTE: The Palm Springs CumUnion meets at this location.
Helios Resort Open-New-Window-External Resort yelp

San Diego
Club San Diego Open-New-Window-External Sex Club yelp
     NOTE: Due to the large military presence in the area, this club does not accept credit cards and does not check IDs.

San Francisco
Playspace yelp Sex club

Wilmington
1350 Club Open-New-Window-External Bathhouse yelp

TOP Return to Top

Colorado

Denver
Midtowne Spa Open-New-Window-External Bathhouse yelp

TOP Return to Top

Georgia

Atlanta
Club Eros Open-New-Window-External Sex club Review by Mark Opens new window of a page on this blog
Flex Open-New-Window-External Bathhouse yelp Sleazy Guide to Atlanta Opens new window of a page on this blog
Inserection Opens new window of a page on this blog Adult book store yelp Review by Mark Opens new window of a page on this blog
Manifest Open-New-Window-External Sex club yelp Review by Mark Opens new window of a page on this blog

Augusta
Parliament House Resort Open-New-Window-External Resort yelp

TOP Return to Top

Florida

Fort Lauderdale
Club Fort Lauderdale Open-New-Window-External Bathhouse yelp
Windamar Beach Resort Open-New-Window-External Resort yelp

Orlando
Club Orlando Open-New-Window-External Bathhouse yelp

Tampa/St. Petersburg
Ybor Resort & Spa Open-New-Window-External Resort yelp

TOP Return to Top

Indiana

Indianapolis
Club Indianapolis Open-New-Window-External Bathhouse yelp

TOP Return to Top

Illinois

Chicago
Steamworks Open-New-Window-External Bathhouse yelp

TOP Return to Top

Louisiana

New Orleans
Club New Orleans Open-New-Window-External Bathhouse yelp

TOP Return to Top

Missouri

St. Louis
Club St. Louis Open-New-Window-External Bathhouse yelp

TOP Return to Top

Nevada

Las Vegas
Hawks Gym Open-New-Window-External Sex club yelp

TOP Return to Top

Ohio

Cleveland
Flex Open-New-Window-External Bathhouse yelp

Columbus
Club Columbus Open-New-Window-External Bathhouse yelp

TOP Return to Top

Oregon

Portland
Hawks Portland Open-New-Window-External Sex club yelp

TOP Return to Top

Pennsylvania

Philadelphia
Club Body Center II Open-New-Window-External Bathhouse yelp
Sansom Street Cinema yelp Cinema

TOP Return to Top

Rhode Island

Providence
Club Body Center Open-New-Window-External Bathhouse 

TOP Return to Top

Texas

Austin
Midtowne Spa Open-New-Window-External Bathhouse yelp

Dallas
Club Dallas Open-New-Window-External Bathhouse yelp
Midtowne Spa Open-New-Window-External Bathhouse yelp

Houston
Club Houston Open-New-Window-External Bathhouse yelp
Midtowne Spa Open-New-Window-External Bathhouse yelp

San Antonio
ACI Opens new window of a page on this blog Sex club yelp

TOP Return to Top

Washington

Seattle
Steamworks Open-New-Window-External Bathhouse yelp

TOP Return to Top

Wisconsin

Milwaukee
Midtowne Spa Open-New-Window-External Bathhouse yelp

TOP Return to Top

Canada

Toronto
Steamworks Open-New-Window-External Bathhouse yelp

Vancouver
Steamworks Open-New-Window-External Bathhouse yelp

TOP Return to Top

bullet Updated March 8 with yelp connections and seven more destinations including Wisconsin and Colorado.
bullet Updated March 16. Southern California local helped provide updates to that area’s listings (thanks Dave).

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Swinging Richards: Is It Rape If She Gives a Blowjob First and Never Says to Stop?

Swinging Richards: Is It Rape If She Gives a Blowjob First and Never Says to Stop?

The Atlanta Gay Strip Club and one of my favorite destinations in town, Swinging Richards Opens a new window from this blog, made the local press lately. A woman patron accused two (or possibly three) dancers there of rape (GA Voice gay paper Link Opens in a New Window, WSB-TV Link Opens in a New Window). The police incident report is available too and I’ve included it Opens a new window from this blog.

The basic story goes like this:

A woman and her male friend has seven shots of some alcohol at that friend’s house before going to Blake’s on the Park, a local Gay bar. Then she recalls being at Swinging Richards, getting a lap dance from one of the dancers and being guided to the VIP area. She had “several things” in her hand including a debit card when “several” strippers guided her to the bar area. There was a discussion of numbers and she handed someone the debit card.

The next thing she recalled is being bent over a table and two or three males having sex with her. She doesn’t recall whether she told them to stop or whether they wore protection. Police interviewed the male friend who was with her. He said he never saw intercourse but he did see her give one of the dancers a blowjob.

She recalled following the sex being in a bathroom and throwing up. She was told she couldn’t stay in there. She doesn’t recall how she got home.

 Following the evening, she was quite disturbed. She took a “morning after” pill and reported it to police, who are investigating.

I know Swinging Richards well.

Is it rape if someone is intoxicated, provides oral sex beforehand and never says, "stop," during the act?

  • No, it's not rape. (56%, 41 Votes)
  • Maybe it's rape, maybe not. I can't be sure. (32%, 23 Votes)
  • Yes, it most definitely is rape. (12%, 9 Votes)

Total Voters: 73

Loading ... Loading ...

Did this happen? Scuttlebutt is an incident did occur, although not quite the way the woman has reported it to the police. Obviously, her status was one of inebriation and memory is quite disjointed. Moreover, her male friend’s recollection of her providing oral service doesn’t help. But if he witnessed such, he had to be in the private dancing room as well since such personal touching would not be allowed out in the main part of the VIP Room.

The report says he was taken to another area, which means another private room, I imagine, so as to not witness the dancers having their way with her — if indeed, this occurred.

It so happens, I stopped by last night and checked a few things out.

The experienced dancers well know where the big money comes from. It is not the female patrons. Women are notoriously bad tippers. For the most part, Swinging Richards prides itself on being a Gay bar and keeps it that way. While one can use a credit or debit card to pay, it’s easier to pay with cash and preferred.

Oh, let me also say that most strippers there claim to be straight. Now, I’d verify probably about half of them as truly straight but the ego boost they get from men and the money is well worth it for them. But the other 50 percent break down into some other groups. A few bisexuals and a couple of Gay men do wander the floor. However, it’s the other 30 percent or so that occupy the middle ground that become a concern.

This gray space of sexuality is where I tend to have the most concern. And perhaps Swinging Richards should as well.

In this space, men tend to struggle with the sensation of attraction to men and compensate with more activities with women. This is apparent not because there’s a perceived threat on his masculinity by rubbing up against a man, but by the sheer fact he actually enjoyed it. That inner conflict becomes ripe for more aggressive attempts at sexual adventures with women.

Believe me, I discuss with with some of the dancers and they get off their shift then “fuck the hell out of some bitch.”

Right.

The good dancers left their spooge somewhere else that night.

The dancers who perpetuated this act — if indeed it went down as it was reported — were plain stupid. Messing with women is never a good idea, especially when they’re intoxicated. And double-teaming just means there’s a witness. Stupid, stupid, stupid. One of you will get a chance to get a lesser charge and turn state’s witness on the other. Either way, you’ll both end up on the sex offenders’ list. Yuck.

The guys have closed ranks and aren’t talking much at the moment, but I know it will come out eventually. I have my guesses, but for now, I’ll keep them to myself.

Here’s my advice for Swinging Richards:

  1. Management already bans women from the VIP area but should extend that to the private rooms. I know that’s money in the pocket, but women can cause this kind of trouble.
  2. Consider a waiver before entering into the room, outlining it’s for “time” and “visual entertainment.” This will protect the club since this woman’s next move is filing a civil suit against the club. Dancer, patron and club must sign it.
  3. Only two people in a room at a time: The dancer and the patron. I’d be honest. The whole chair thing across the doorway sucks. I’d get a timed door lock or something along those lines (not a full door but a three-fourths). I’ve even consider investing in renovating the space in the back so there’s more but smaller rooms and a little more high-end space.
  4. If there’s a doubt that a patron isn’t sober, administer a Breathalyzer. I’ve seen these used at many clubs at exits so patrons can be assured they’re legal to drive. Above a designated amount, you will not allow a patron to purchase a dancer.

I’ve got some more ideas for Swinging Richards, but that’s another post.

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