How to Host a Gay Orgy, Content
Pick an Orgy Theme
Planning Your Space
Purchasing and Planning Supplies
The Guest List
Scheduling the Orgy
Asking a Guest to Leave
Asking for Money
A More Detailed Orgy Etiquette
The Orgy Begins
Boosting Sexual Success
Ending the Orgy
Pick an Orgy Theme
Why pick a theme? It’s an orgy! Right?
Every orgy has a theme even if it’s, “Anything goes.” That’s a theme.
Perhaps it’s a “load the birthday boy” or “twentysomething jerkoff” party. It doesn’t matter. Creating a successful orgy means generating some interest.
When I lived in Washington, D.C., I happened to own a home that had a single large room with almost no windows that made it a particularly successful space for hosting orgies. I became quite successful at creating some get-togethers.
A few ideas beyond the traditional conversion party or jock/bear/twink/leather exclusive get together:
Friday Fog Fuck Fest
My version of strip poker
Sexy slumber party
Gloryhole Hoe Down
Underwear exchange orgy
Russian Roulette orgy
You can make it simple just by restricting age, kind of people, types or anything else. But choosing a theme helps you in restricting your guest list. This is something you will want to do.
Please note that being polite goes a long way to lessen the animosity that could develop. Posting something like, “No fatties and ancient trolls,” will piss off some queens who’ve been used to attacks. Therefore these bitterness-containers may target your gathering by pretending to be someone else and then wrecking havoc or, worse, creating a security risk by informing the local homophobic hate groups.
Don’t laugh. I’ve seen it happen. And truth be told, I’ve had an asshole host cause (a younger, less mature) me to send dozens of people to his house and ruin his orgy (he was a fortysomething man hosting only svelte, blond twentysomethings with treasure trails, although his invite didn’t say as much). When he uninvited me, he wasn’t delicate and polite.
RULE #1 of GOOD ORGY HOSTING
Don’t Be an Asshole.
Your orgy theme needs to reflect the kind of debaucherous experience you want to occur, even if it’s an impromptu sex encounter with a few locals.
Planning Your Space
If the orgy is at your home, decide where guests will and will not have access. Think of the entire experience. Do you live in a gated community? A high-rise with street parking? A home in the suburbs? A basement apartment with a back entrance?
The entire visit must be explained in detail to your guests. Don’t just give an address, but let them know about the parking situation, whether there’s a gate or door code, whether to knock or enter straight on, etc.
Explaining the access interior might be important as well.
Dump-and-go parties — where there’s a bottom set up and accepting loads from multiple tops who stop by over a period of time — usually has a space where the tops can clean-up, disrobe and also put back on clothes in preparation to leave. When hosting in a hotel or motel, this isn’t always possible.
Other orgies usually have a playroom or rooms where the sex occurs and a break space for refreshments. Sometimes there’s a space for people to remove, put on and store clothing.
RULE #2 of GOOD ORGY HOSTING
Have a place for guests to disrobe, store clothing safely and dress later.
Although I enjoy going over and doing the “wham, bam, thank you Sam” thing, I don’t really consider that an orgy. You will need the following three spaces minimal:
Clean-up space (most likely a bathroom)
Your optional spaces may include the following:
Lounge break space (where sex will not occur but guests may be naked)
Non-sex lounging space (where guests should be clothed and no sex should occur)
Refreshment space (may also be the lounge space, but a place where guests can get a drink of water or other beverage or snack)
Specialty sex spaces (you may want to designate a space for bondage, barebacking, JO, sling(s), massage, etc.)
Finally, you should consider designating off limits spaces.
Post signs for spaces like extra rooms, your office, etc., that guests should not enter.
Also consider posting signs on the refrigerator, pantry, cabinets, etc., politely directing guests to the location of refreshments. Use positive phrases like, “Beer, sodas and bottled water located in the cooler on the deck” rather than “Don’t take my shit from the refrigerator” because people will be more likely to take stuff with negative commands.
When planning any get together, security is a must. I personally have been to orgies where my belongings were stolen from inside the orgy home and the word “FAG” was keyed into my car. As both the host and the participant, ways to assure a secure environment
As a host, two ways secure your environment:
The Locked-Door Policy
At a designated time (as you clearly state in the invitation), the entrance/exit will be locked. No new admissions will occur after this point. While you plainly state this, I recommend that you be a little late on locking the door. This allows for traffic issues (which you should monitor in case there’s an accident nearby — it’s happened to me) and for those who just can’t arrive on time. It also allows for the participants to loosened up a little.
This one is a little more difficult because it requires someone or a couple of folks to skip the fun and monitor the door (and perhaps the clothing room). A couple of ways to accomplishing this:
Hire men to be your “security.” You can hire “heteroflexible” men, like local “straight” strippers. Let your participants know these men (who will wear little) are available after the festivities and will be accepting tips. You can also hire older men, straight men, liberal women, friends or pretty much anyone who doesn’t give a fuck what’s going on. Let the participants know that these folks are protecting their belongings. Once the party is in “full swing,” the doorman can step outside and check cars, call police if there’s suspicious activity, alert participants if the cops are coming, etc. If you can, consider creating a “coat check” like situation. Consider purchasing several stackable plastic bins and let participants put their clothes and keys inside it. Post-It notes allows the coat-check person to note a name and description (Tom, pierced nipples, smooth, bald head).
Create shifts with volunteers. Some folks will do it for free but consider asking for tips. It’s in everyone’s best interest. The best bet are folks who want a single shot (or need to cum just once). There’s also the option to send bottoms to service the top monitors while they work.
I’d always suggest you encourage participants to leave valuables at home, lock their IDs and wallets in their cars (hidden and out of site).
If you’re attending an orgy, I recommend the same — leave as many valuables as you can at home and the rest in your vehicle. After my stolen clothes experience, I’d suggest the following (unless you know the host or you’re attending an orgy with someone there to protect your clothes and goods):
Keep your clothes and keys with you, leaving your wallet and phone in the car (if you don’t feel safe without a phone, don’t fucking go; or, as an option, park close and have a Bluetooth connection to your phone at all times). I’ve been to an orgy or two where there was a designated room for play and it was easy enough to strip, fuck, play and then clothe oneself to hang out and eat, drink or socialize in other parts of the house.
If there’s a “no clothes” rule, consider separating your clothes and your car keys. Car keys can easily be stashed away someplace small and not very obvious. This gives a thief something to take and gives you a chance to still get your car. I’d drive home naked (or borrowing some shorts from the stupid host) with my keys than trying to get my keys from someone else.
Another option is simply keep your keys on you by securing them in a sock or something else on your body. I recommend this option, especially in sketchy situations if you have to bail without your clothes (I’ve heard of this but never personally experienced it). This might lead you to wearing disposable clothes (ones that you wouldn’t mind losing) and having an extra set in your vehicle.
I also recommend you be well aware of your surroundings and have an escape route. If something goes wrong, you can get the fuck out and leave. Also, just in case, I always leave “evidence” or information of the address where I went so anyone can find it quickly.
Purchasing and Planning Supplies
We don’t want to believe that we need to purchase things like poppers and lube, but alas, not everyone brings their shit even when we insist on it. Therefore, plan on buying some and having someone take yours.
I personally always purchase smaller bottles of lube anyway because I’m always needing to pocket them for random hookups or visits to bookstores or sex clubs . As an option (if you purchase in bulk or gallon size), put the lube in plastic travel bottles. Poppers can’t be put in plastic and, generally, are too valuable just to leave all over the house. I would tuck my favorites certain places for me to remember if I needed them handy.
Consider purchasing inexpensive hand towels spaced throughout the house, especially on any flat surface and in any room you think sex will happen. Put away the nice towels and put out the cheap ones.
Now some people might think of “party favors” or “party supplies” might be drugs like Tina (crystal meth), Molly (MDNA), ecstasy or marijuana (pot or 420). You may wish to allow them, but it certainly makes your gathering a target for law enforcement. I personally would avoid such and say it’s not allowed (if you choose to indulge, do it on your own privately). Unless you’re already in some liberal bastion like San Francisco, a gay bareback orgy is going to be especially frowned upon, so law enforcement getting wind of illegal drugs and sodomy going on just might cause a major sting operation. Avoid.
And if you’re thinking of going and know that this is happening, avoid.
The Guest List
Guests to your gathering will be inevitably difficult to build. I always recommend you begin with your own hookups. You know these men so you’ll know a little bit about them — top, bottom or versatile. Generally, that is where every orgy begins with a mixture of how many men you’d like to invite and the ratio of tops-to-bottoms.
In barebacking, bottoms can be really greedy. Therefore, making it very clear the collection of people attending will make it much easier.
The question will also come for photographs along with statistics of the other attendees.
This makes for a very weird situation because some 22-year-old might refuse to come if there’s one ugly 40-year-old in the bunch. This is why I encourage the theme choice from the outset.
If it’s a “white athletes in their twenties with six pack abs only” party, then fucking specify it. However, the host must match the theme as well.
RULE #3 of GOOD ORGY HOSTING
The host must “match” the theme.
I once saw a guy hosting a barebacking party and knew who it was. He happened to be in his fifties, older, hairier and frankly out-of-shape fat. He used deceptive advertising on Craigslist to get younger men to respond, thinking they were coming to a nice jocks-only orgy.
Once I got the address of the get together, I flooded Craigslist with information on the man hosting the party. I also sent a few older, hairier men over to the address when they asked about it. I know. It’s evil of me. And it wasn’t friendly to the other guys. But the asshole got the point.
One must be reasonable about what one is going to get. One must be honest about what will be attending.
What I generally do with the first installment of an invitation folks know the general range of who will be attending based on the theme. Then, if the person is interested in attending, he must return at least one photo for inclusion in a collage of photos I put together.
I give everyone a deadline and let everyone know when the e-mail with everyone’s stats and the collage of photos will go out.
Some people send me a dozen pics. Some send one. Some send face. Some send ass. Some send body. Some send cock. I put together one or two collages of photos and a list of the participants’ basic stats.
From that point, I ask for confirmation of attendance.
At your first orgy, expect about 20 to 40 percent of your participants to actually arrive. If you maintain a mailing list and your orgies continue to be successful, the percentages will go up. Generally, you will never get more than 60 percent.
E-mail multiple times leading up to the actual orgy start. Provide phone numbers for people who need them (if you don’t want to give out your real number, consider getting a Google Voice number and link it or forward it to your phone. Yes, you can even get texts, but not all MMS.
One may use the BarebackRT.com local party feature, but not everyone is on BBRT. There’s also sites like Evite.com, which allows for maybe, yes, no and hasn’t responded to invitations. Either way, you will want to build your own database or mailing list to maintain and you might even want to make mental notes of who attends and who doesn’t. I personally recommend getting really e-mail addresses and issuing invitations through those, as they’re easier to track should something happen at a get together.
Scheduling the Orgy
Tea time orgies (anything in the afternoons) generally only work on weekends and holidays unless you’re planning on hosting an orgy at a public sex club or adult bookstore . Lunchtime drop-off orgies can work under certain circumstances.
Depending on the theme, the later the better. If you’re having a strip poker party or some normal party, then starting at 7 p.m. or so is just fine. Plan on later — more like 10 p.m. to midnight or even 1 a.m. if you want the after bar crowd.
One might even survey people to see what they might prefer. SurveyMonkey.com allows limited number of responses if you want to have a small selection of people to answer.
I love to include a special section on etiquette in my e-mailed invitations. It’s an important reminder to everyone attending and it’s helped me make my orgies a little better. While I’ve created a more detailed version of the orgy etiquette here, your summary can be simple:
You will not be attracted to everyone who attends, but there will be people there you’ll find hot.
An orgy is like a potluck dinner — try a little of everything; don’t limit yourself like some sort of a la carte menu.
Don’t plan on choosing the one guy you find hot and go off into a corner to make out; it’s an orgy which means everyone plays with everyone.
Everyone’s allowed to touch everyone else; politely let someone else know if you’d prefer something else.
(If appropriate) Let the attendees know if there’s a designated top or bottom for use if all else fails.
No jerking off or just voyeur play; you’re a participant.
Asking a Guest to Leave
I have rarely hosted an orgy without having someone who needs to be politely asked to leave or who automatically knows they are the odd man out, so to speak. Further, with bareback orgies, someone always tries to sneak in just to watch the fun and never participate. For some people, this isn’t a problem. I personally think it’s not a show but a participant sport.
One should be there to play.
Therefore, if something isn’t right, as host you can ask someone to leave.
Here’s the easiest way:
[alert style=”orange”] I wanted to thank you so much for coming to the get together.
However, I think it’s going to be in your best interest if you go ahead and leave.
I’m sorry it didn’t work out but I’ll keep you in mind for a more appropriate get together in the future. [/alert]
Now sometimes a dimwitted guest will want to know why they’re being asked to leave. Here’s a few examples:
[alert style=”orange”]I’m so sorry to say this, but the photos you provided don’t appear to be an accurate portrayal.
Perhaps it would benefit you to update them in the near future.(If you ask multiple guests to leave; this is a lie to spare the feelings of those you’re asking to leave)
I am afraid something has come up and we’re going to need to cancel the sexual portion of the party.
I hope you don’t mind. I’ll let you know if and when we reschedule.Unfortunately, you’re just not compatible with the designated theme of the party.I apologize, but we do expect you to participate in the sexual activity, not just watch.[/alert]
Occasionally, one does have to be a little mean to kick someone out. Or just start the orgy and let someone sit alone for a while and realize they’re all alone.
Asking for Money
I am not a big proponent of asking for designated amounts. I went to one orgy once that required $20 to get in. Funny thing, when I left after finding it a bust, the “donation” basket sat full by the front door. While I could have absconded with hundreds of dollars, I just took my twenty back since I didn’t shoot a load. I felt I didn’t get my money’s worth.
I don’t think it’s a big deal to suggest people tip for security or other things, but an actual admission or cover starts making it more like a sex club. Why do that?
Whatever you do, make it a donation or a suggested donation or optional tip.
The Orgy Begins
I believe in alcohol.
Beer, wine, shots or something is needed before the “official” kick off of the orgy should begin.
Consider the booze a little lubricant for the party. It’s needed for people to get to know each other. I sometimes like for there to be an hour or so before the official orgy begins and the loosening up period begin.
This allows for people who feel out of place to leave (without you asking them). It also allows a little time for the inhibitions to go down.
Now it does depend on the type of party. For a blackout or darkroom or fog party where the room is dark, you don’t need this. But sometimes it is needed so people can become more comfortable.
Also, as the party begins, consider turning the air conditioning or heater temperature down, cracking a window or something to cool the space off. The space will heat up quickly. However, if the space is cooled off too well, no one will get naked.
Boosting Sexual Success
People hired to applaud at appropriate times during a performance are known as claqueurs and, in a way, the host and a few others need to be such at an orgy.
Your orgy claqueurs will act as instigators of action. They’ll start blowjobs or fucking or get naked or jerking off or whatever it takes to break the ice and get the action going.
With every orgy, the sexual energy ebbs and flows with the attendees and the vibe. You want to choose sexual people who can seemingly create sexual tension out of nothing.
Asking people to be your orgy instigators of action will help tremendously so you aren’t always the one.
Ending the Orgy
Unless you’ve decided to make a night of it by hosting some sort of sleep over, the party must come to an end. Some people just don’t seem to take a hint.
I suggest giving a definitive end to your party in time. If you’re having a good time and it goes over, then don’t worry. But when you’re ready, just tell the lingerers, “Hey, I didn’t realize it’s after 1 a.m. I’m going to have to get up early tomorrow. Do you guys mind taking this someplace else?”
They’ll mosey out the door in due time.
The other option is to simply bring them their clothes. Hint, hint!
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