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Helping You Out

Helping You Out

Here’s a collection of miscellaneous things that bug me about online profiles:

“Not to be racist but…” or “It’s just a matter of taste…”

Truth is, you’re about to be racist. When’s the last time you read, “Not to be racist but I really only fuck Asians.”

Too much of what men write is what they exclude, not what they include.

Men can’t be blondes

Men are only blonds. It’s one of the few examples where the masculine and feminine matters in the English language. Females are blonde, men are blond. Fucking kills me every time I see it. And speaking of color…

No one’s 50 shades of grey

Unfortunately, our language is getting fucked up thanks to people being unable to figure out Grey is normally a name (it is in the book as it is for anatomy, both the original book and the television show). The official color is gray with an “A.”

HMU DTF

So “hit me up” I’m “down to fuck”? Really? Up and down? I want to go in and out.

“Breeding” means raw

It amazes me when I post an ad somewhere about “loading” or “breeding” an ass and then I get the “safe only” response. Even more amazing is the request that they “just suck me off.”

Uh, no. I’m here for the ass, not for the mouth.

When I say “potent cum,” what do you think I mean?

I’m just asking.

Sup

Fuck you.

What’s up with the abbreviation for etcetera?

If you’re going to go on and on, it’s etc. not ect.

The contractions get me

Please, if you will not go somewhere, you won’t go there… And you want to go elsewhere.

Also, there is no way that there are people out there who don’t understands there’s some contractions out there that the masses seem to misunderstand.

For the most part, I find barebackers are good people; they are often misunderstood and they’re accused of being spreaders of disease and woe. Truth is, barebackers just know their cocks and asses provide a gateway to happiness. Theirs is a life of freedom.

Don’t cry to yo mama

I make it extraordinarily clear that I say some nasty shit when I breed ass. I’m verbal as I approach orgasm.

Just recently it happened again, but this time the fucker didn’t have a choice. I’d mounted him and his little 5-foot-7 frame couldn’t go anywhere. As I am thrusting inside him, I began some of the most horrific things you can say to a bottom.

I’d warned him. Clearly. He knew I’d say things.

He didn’t respond or beg or even whimper. I knew he just wanted it over.

I growled and let it go in his ass, leaning over into his ear: “You asked for this.”

smokerAnd don’t try to lie

I know when someone lies to me. Sometimes I choose to ignore it. Other times, I call the fucker out.

Another thing I make clear is no smokers. All the time, people try to get around it.

“Oh damn,” a guy says the other day after begging me to fuck him. He’d claimed to be a fan and, well, sent me a pic of himself, of all things… smoking. “I quit in May. You won’t smell it on me. I promise.”

Men are known for their veracity. I’m always telling the truth to fuck ass. And I’m sure you’re telling the truth to get cock.

May? Why didn’t you go for last June?

Anyway, he got cut off.

Yes, you fuckers can go ahead and try to mask the smell with cologne and mouthwash, but allow me to point out a couple of salient points:

  • You’ve dulled your senses with smoking so you can’t fucking smell the shit on you.
  • Because the smell adheres everywhere, it’s usually on you in someway.
  • And even more apparent, your lungs are saturated so when you exhale, it can be smelled.
  • It’s even within your bodily fluids like spit, sweat and especially cum (which can stink like a mutherfucker).

Grindr is for babies

What the fuck is up with Grindr?

  1. It doesn’t work.
  2. It has children on it.
  3. It doesn’t work.
  4. The children on it aren’t interested in “hooking up.”
  5. It doesn’t work.

You’re a hooker if you’re shirtless without wildlife

I live in the South, so it’s not odd for me to see photos of people holding up fish, frogs or other creatures from some Redneck hunting expedition while being shirtless. Some gay men post these images as proof of butchness, although when you’re sucking my cock or taking my raw, rockhard cock up your ass and begging for my cum like the little bitch you are, you’re not so butch.

However, if you’re shirtless on any hook-up site or app — this means you, you little Grindr children — and then you add that you’re not here to “hook up,” you’re a hypocrite and a liar.

I don’t shave my balls because I don’t like hair

Lick the sack for larger snack.

My hairy sack tends to get in the way of allowing people to find my spots to give me a lot more pleasure. And the more pleasure I get, the bigger the load they get.

And I shoot big loads, with or without a little licky licky.

Why do you think a barebacker should compromise?

Sometimes I get a horny bottom who insists on a condom, who wants me to fuck them but expects me to be the one to compromise with a condom.

No.

Why should I be the one to compromise?

DDF? Of course!

Everyone online is DDF and clean. Fuck. I’m clean. I took a shower yesterday.

I’ve never seen anyone ever answer other than, “Yes, I’m DDF.” It’s a useless stat. I’ve seen people proudly declare they’re poz or “poz and undetectable,” but I’ve never, ever seen anyone answer the truth when it comes to status.

“Oh I’ve got the clap and a small case of the crabs. It will clear up in a few days.”

“Look, the Valtrex seems to be working. Don’t worry about the Herpes. It’s not like I’m gonna give you the nose-falling-off syphilis.”

Seriously, guys. If you’re “DDF and looking for same,” all you’re going to get is lies.

Understand the status

I’m glad to see more and more people who get the difference between “undetectable and on meds” and “neg, tested 1/13/14.”

Which would you rather fuck?

The answer should be undetectable.

The neg guy hasn’t been tested in more than six months. Cum on.

Curious about the Truvada whores

How many of you “Neg+PrEP” are really on PrEP and how many of you are “Now Neg + Taking Meds”?

 

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Gloryhole Slut at 18

Gloryhole Slut at 18

I can’t make this shit up.

If I did, I wouldn’t use cardboard. But the kid did.

He hit me up on Scruff. Usually I ignore the 18-year-old boys. And that’s what they are… boys. Even though some have these perfectly taught bodies with a slight layer of baby fat. And the barely legal pubes sprout out over the spit glistened cock where they’ve rubbed one out repeatedly.

He was just a few miles away and looking for “fun.” And I was bored. Chatting him up a little. His profile lacked a face pic but the chest pic seemed harmless enough.

Then he mentioned he’d built his own gloryhole and wanted me to fuck him through it.

I didn’t believe him.

A second later, I got a photo via Scruff.

Indeed, the cardboard with a hole cut into it, secured into a basement window.

Then he checked my height again and, a few minutes later, came back to say he was raising it for me since I stand over six feet tall.

Within an hour, he sent be a second pic (the one you see above). Now adjusted to my height, he asked me to come by his home, sneak down to the basement and fuck him.

Of course, I was wary of this little plot. I didn’t quite believe him… at first. But over the next little while, he convinced me of a couple of things:

  • He had a gloryhole.
  • He was 18 years old.
  • He wanted his ass fucked and bred.

I waited until well after midnight, when most people would be asleep before venturing to his neighborhood. I drove cautiously through it.

Everything was quiet and, his nondescript home sat silent and dark. I parked far enough away not to be noticed but close enough for a good escape. As the cicadas sang in the night, I crept nearby and then finally around to where I could see from the back, indeed, there was a gloryhole lit up.

I sent a message and approached.

He was kneeling naked. This young, beefy 18-year-old body at the hole.

I unzipped and put my cock through.

His hands were cold compared to the humid July air. He fumbled with my cock. His mouth surrounded me and he tried his hand at a blowjob. Honestly, it needed a lot of work. I never have a problem getting hard, but if I did, he’d have a hard time getting me there.

Inexperience. He needed someone to guide him. But with this piece of cardboard, I’d never be able to teach him how to take cock.

After a bit, he stood and turned around, aiming my rock hard 7-inches for his ass.

Like velvet.

Where he had inexperience in sucking, he made up in fucking.

I could smell the baby oil he obviously been using to lube up. And perhaps he’d been playing with something up his ass because it slipped inside his hole with the greatest of ease.

He scooted back, practically sitting on me. The cardboard pressed up between us. I lunged forward a little.

I’m not huge. But let me tell you, men notice when I go inside. They feel my cock slide into their guts and, for many, can’t always just take it in a single slide.

This little college-boy slut could.

And he bounced.

No adjustment needed.

Part of me wondered if I was his first cock of the evening. I never sniffed a whiff of other cum, but who the fuck knows. Or cares.

I couldn’t pound him and, when I tried to set a pace, he couldn’t quite get the groove with me.

I would have loved to have grabbed his hips and just thrust into him with all I could. But we were at a fucking gloryhole at his parents’ house in the middle of the fucking night. And I was a creepy old man fucking their son bareback.

So I just concentrated on the feeling.

His ass was open to my cock, just loose, but still wrapped around my cock tightly enough. The oil along with a little of his sweat, spit and my precum mixed together to provide enough lube for a good amount of friction.

But he was a natural bottom. I could see his smooth body through the little cracks.

Better yet, I could feel his ass. I just felt smooth and perfect.

I knew it wouldn’t be long. The excitement of this forbidden place and an 18-year-old hole — probably the youngest I’ve fucked in years.

And I felt my cum boiling up in my balls. I stopped moving and let him continue his awkward rocking.

I unleashed a torrent of cum into his ass. I held back my grunts or any noise. I just let my cock pump into him. I know I pumped for a solid 20 seconds. Strand after strand of hot man DNA streamed into his well-oiled cunt.

And I remembered where I was. I pulled back, zipped up and slipped into the night.

I got a Scruff message a few minutes later asking for more.

I would give it to him another night. And invite another top to join me.

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Q&A: The Real Problem Isn’t the Bottom

Q&A: The Real Problem Isn’t the Bottom

A ‘Top’ Asks for Advice

QuestionHey there Mark,

Sorry to bother you, sir.

I’ve been friends with this boy since we were kids and we are both gay. Well I’m gay and he is bi, he says, I think he is just addicted to sex. We fool around and stuff but I want more.

I always take him out to eat because he can’t pay rent. I always buy him clothes for job interviews even though he can’t hold a job. He is too young and dumb, he flunks out at school.

When we go to bars, guys lie to him all the time and he believes them and fights with me even though I feel like I am the only one protecting him.

(When we were 16, a group of forthysomething guys online invited him to a conversion party with him as the “guest of honor. He was going to go until I Googled what “conversion party” meant, then he didn’t go. That’s how dumb he is.)

I am annoyed because I feel like he owes me his pussy. I feel like I have put in the effort and I want what’s mine but he won’t bottom for me sober and he INSISTS on condoms.

Just typing that makes me mad.

I hate condoms, but he knows that and thinks I’m a whore. He gets way more action then me and he always leaves the bar with a different, masculine top (I am surprised they all adhere to his no bareback rule).

I don’t mind sharing his hole at all. In fact, the more the better! I just want in it.

Anyway, you are a true inspiration and I am hoping you have some advice for me, anything helps!

Frustrated Top, Tony in Minnesota

Answer from Mark

ATops are never “owed” ass. Tops take ass.

Nut up. Why are you taking this pussy’s bullshit?

You’re not a top. You’re worse than a pussy-whipped straight guy.

This little fucker is getting it raw. He’s a little demanding, bossy bottom and he gets away with it because no one has the balls to put the fucker in his place.

He needs fucked and bred. But you’re not the man to do it.

It’s time you admitted the truth. You’re a fucking bottom. Oh, I know it hurts a little when the cock slides inside. But you’re all weepy and lovey-dovey over a piece of ass.

And you haven’t owned it.

You do not have the capability or the instinct to be a true, natural top. It’s time you gave it up and started training your ass to take it.

Fuck, if you were paying for all my shit, I’d play dumb, coy and forbid you from fucking me raw. It keeps you chasing after me.

We Started at a Glory Hole

We Started at a Glory Hole

For some reason, Inserection proved to be a little busy that day. I’d been sucked by a few men. None stood out. He’d been running a little late. But eventually showed up and we secured a glory hole across from one another.

He sucked me some then slid his ass onto my hard cock through the hole.

The initial entry can always be different. Has he been fucked prior and opened up? That can be a very smooth, easy entry. If the cock was huge, then we’re talking about hot dog down a hallway smooth. Sometimes I don’t get enough friction to get off.

Then there’s the ones who are tighter than an unfucked preteen before the priest molestation. That can be painful, especially because my cock stands rock-hard and I can allow someone that tight to slide onto it.

With his, he’d messaged I’d be churning up a load already deposited a couple of hours earlier. That said, he’d be tightened up.

But his ass started with that resistance to entrance then began to open enough to allow my head to pop inside. His ass hugged my cock. Tight. And like a velvet wrap of warmth with the cum-soaked interior, I felt him back onto my cock.

After he had enough time to adjust, I began my assault on his ass. But it felt just too good to let myself cum too quickly. And I just wanted to get a little deeper. When he came off me and I felt a tap on my cock.

I pulled out and bent over, thinking he’d invite me to his booth.

“Want to go to the darkroom?”

The darkroom was just that… a darkened room with some sofas around the edge of the room. One couldn’t see very well in the space, just shadows, really. Since Inserection had decided to lock the rooms upstairs and charge for their use, the darkroom gained in popularity.

Unfortunately, some asshole will occasionally come in and turn on their cell phones to get a glimpse of what’s going on. Once, a man even punched someone for it. But I was fucking someone and didn’t bother to pay attention much.

I went in behind him, my pants barely cinched up around my hardon. Interestingly enough, he didn’t go far into the room. Right in the doorway, with the best of all possible views (with the light that filtered in), he dropped his pants and climbed onto the semi-sofa and presented his ass.

I opened my pants and aimed for his hole.

The entry this time was perfect. Just enough resistance for perfection in pleasure.

And I began fucking in earnest. Slowing down some. Speeding up. Pacing myself.

A crowd formed around us. I felt hands on my ass, even around my asshole. But no one dared step behind me, lest it dampen what little light came in.

Occasionally a hand would venture down to check and see whether I was wearing a condom. Of course I wasn’t.

I bent over, he arched up.

“You want my load?” I asked.

“Breed my negative ass,” he responded.

An odd response. This bottom hadn’t bothered to discuss status.

“You want my jizz, no matter what?”

“Give it to me!”

“You got it.”

I stood and began really fucking him, pounding him into that sofa. He started breathing harder.

“Here’s my fucking load,” I growled as I felt my balls tighten up.

As I normally do unless I’m stealthing, I plunged in and completely stopped moving for the initial pulse of my cock.

My cockhead swelled in his tight hole. As it did, he inhaled and gasped. My taint muscles then let loose the first giant pulse and my cum jetted into his guts. He started to practically scream.

I resumed my fucking, feeling my cum mix in the creamy Santorum already mucked up in this bottom’s ass. The crowd surged closer and one old troll lost his load on the floor.

Obviously, the bottom shot all over the sofa thing. He would tell me later he’d never felt anything like it.

“That’s why I’m called, ‘iBLASTinside.'”

Other men pulled at me to fuck them but, for the moment, I was satisfied. I left, headed home before the traffic got too bad.

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By a Cell Phone Light…

By a Cell Phone Light…

The choices in an adult bookstore — at least the adult bookstore here in Atlanta Opens a new window from this blog — includes gloryholes Opens a new window from this blog, private rooms and a darkroom. Those are one’s three choices to indulge in the hedonism.

The holiday season hadn’t invaded this place. Not even the music bothered to pulse with any musical beat beyond the normal dance jams with more urban tones. I’d made a couple of loops. My cock had been stroked and sucked through a gloryhole or two. The private rooms had been occupied a lot. I’d had enough time to find the men in whom I wanted to see my cock slide first.

Among them, a beefy Latino, wide chest, short and stout. Look like a good chest. But his favorite destination seemed to be the darkroom.

Now I don’t tend to favor the darkroom. It isn’t because I don’t enjoy darkrooms. However, trolls lurk there.

Some of you younger bucks may be asking, “What are trolls?”

Trolls tend to be older men (but can be of any age) who horn in on others having good sex and make it bad.

Age honestly has nothing to do with a troll, but trolls simply suck at sex (not in a good way) and they can’t figure out how to improve their sexual prowess. Yet they insist on entering into others’ fun and ruining it for all. In fact, trolls seem to delight in this.

No matter how ugly, how old, how black, how brown, how young or whatever one’s lot in life, your ass should be pink and juicy on the inside. Within certain constraints Opens a new window from this blog, I will fuck and breed you. But trolls are off limits.

I politely push them away. Some are more persistent than others. Those will ruin a fuck.

Back to the hot, stout Latino in the military haircut wearing the unfortunate white, striped sweater.

A little tip: If you’re going a place with a darkroom, choose dark clothes and don’t wear anything with a logo so people can recognize you.

I followed him into the room. As I entered, it took a moment for me to make out the shadows of the men. His was the shortest, of course, over near the corner and I moved toward him, brushing up against him. He responded in kind and reached for my crotch. I unbuttoned and before long he was down on his knees sucking.

His technique lacked focus and he couldn’t go deep, even with someone like me who didn’t really challenge anyone. My cock is just at seven inches, so my cockhead will just touch the back of most people’s throats. Sure, you’ll gag but it’s not like I’ll really stop you from breathing.

He kept his head bobbing shallow, supplementing with his hands and even licked my balls, which I loved. I completely dropped my trousers (all my valuables were locked in the car) so other men were feeling my ass and even one went down to share a lick on my balls. It wasn’t bad.

I tried to hint to my little guy I wanted ass, bending over and reaching into the gap in his jeans where his ass crack happened to be. I would touch his smooth ass. But he kept sucking.

In this darkness, I wasn’t the only one getting sucked. Darkness inspires whispers and silence for some reason. I’m a quiet guy anyway.

But there arose such a clatter, I snapped my head around to see what’s the matter.

A black man with an obviously large cock snapped on his cell phone to look down at his huge pipe entering the ass of a beefy white man wearing what looked like a black jockstrap.

“Yea, man, give me that fucking ass,” he exclaimed in a deep, gravely voice. A masculine man, the kind of downlow fucker you’d see on Sally Jesse Raphel and fucking this quiet white bottom raw. “This is a good fucking ass!”

It was across the room from me with four or five other men between me, so shadows would occasionally obscure what I could see. But the fuck noises were obvious. My little Latino continued to suck but I had my eyes firmly planted on what was going on across the room.

And I wanted that ass next.

The black fucker just got to pummeling that ass. The slapping of thighs to ass got louder and I pulled my cock away, bored by the half-hearted ministrations by the Latino. If he were smart, he’d stand, then bend over and drop his jeans.

He stood and continued to reach for my cock. I zipped up and moved toward the light of the door, but keeping an eye on the fucking.

The grunt and fuck noises just got louder. In the pale light, you could see the bottom now bracing himself against the wall and the top just letting the fucker have it.

“You’re going to get my nut!” the black man practically yelled. And then he did. “ARRRRRHHHHGGGGG!!!”

He let loose what had to be a torrent of cum into that white booty. He fucked it a few more times.

“Fuck man, I gotta sit down,” he said. “I’m fucking weak in the knees from that.”

The cell phone switched off at that moment but he sat down where the light from the doorway showed his cock, a thick nine inches, as the bottom turned around, hefted it up and sucked it clean.

By now, my Latino had moved next to me and was reaching inside my zipper. But I wanted that loaded ass.

Fortunately for me, afterward, the white bottom moved by me to go toward the corner I’d vacated. I reached out and brushed my hand against his ass and followed.

It proved enough to get his attention.

The Latino had kept my cock up if the action hadn’t. The bottom reached around and gave my cock a tug, recognizing another hard cock. He then lined it up with his hole.

I just fucking love cum sluts.

The entry was smooth and easy after that other monster had vacated. And I moaned. As that escaped my lips, a familiar light came on. The black top hadn’t left and now his cell phone illuminated my cock inside this white ass.

It wasn’t going to be a long fuck.

“That’s a nice ass, ain’t it man?” He egged me on.

Truth is, I’ve had better. I don’t mind loose asses. This one was just nondescript. And the bottom had never learned to flex his muscles. I had to do all the work. As I reached up to get a grip, I grabbed what I thought would be his jock.

T’weren’t no jock. It was some cheap, polyester lingerie garter belt. Fuck, I’m so not into men dressing as women. And this guy is totally not the type of guy who would.

But my cock is in an ass, raw, and I’m churning up cum.

“Dude,” the black man spoke. “You fucking push me again, I’m going to knock your goddamned head off! You fucking understand me?”

Troll alert.

“Stand back and let the dude nut in his butt and we all can fucking watch.”

That’s my cue.

I snort some poppers and I let it go. I know I’m not as turned on as I should be but I keep my hands on the fleshy cakes and I try to tune out the trolls, knowing that I’m protected for the time being. I focus on popping and mixing it up in this bottom’s ass. Picking up the pace, slamming harder, giving it to him, punishing him for being a pussy in women’s underwear.

I cascade over the side and grunt a few times as my Latino is there, tickling my balls. Yes, he still wants my dick.

I cum. I half cum really. I shoot a load but it’s not fulfilling. I give the audience a good performance, knowing that I am injecting into his ass but I beef it up making sure it seems good, although more understated than my black ally.

By the time I pop out, another hard dick is lined up and he’s shooting by the time I’ve zipped up and left.

A little disgusted with myself that my powers of perception probably hoped that it was a black jockstrap rather than a black garter belt. I make another loop and I fuck a guy’s face for a while. He won’t offer me his ass, even telling me he watched me fuck that guy and that I can fuck him any other place but here.

And I bump into the black guy as he comments, “That was a mighty fine ass, wasn’t it man?”

“Yea, man,” I nod in agreement, now completely lying to him. “You have a good one.”

I head out. Half satisfied.