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Q&A: The Real Problem Isn’t the Bottom

Q&A: The Real Problem Isn’t the Bottom

A ‘Top’ Asks for Advice

QuestionHey there Mark,

Sorry to bother you, sir.

I’ve been friends with this boy since we were kids and we are both gay. Well I’m gay and he is bi, he says, I think he is just addicted to sex. We fool around and stuff but I want more.

I always take him out to eat because he can’t pay rent. I always buy him clothes for job interviews even though he can’t hold a job. He is too young and dumb, he flunks out at school.

When we go to bars, guys lie to him all the time and he believes them and fights with me even though I feel like I am the only one protecting him.

(When we were 16, a group of forthysomething guys online invited him to a conversion party with him as the “guest of honor. He was going to go until I Googled what “conversion party” meant, then he didn’t go. That’s how dumb he is.)

I am annoyed because I feel like he owes me his pussy. I feel like I have put in the effort and I want what’s mine but he won’t bottom for me sober and he INSISTS on condoms.

Just typing that makes me mad.

I hate condoms, but he knows that and thinks I’m a whore. He gets way more action then me and he always leaves the bar with a different, masculine top (I am surprised they all adhere to his no bareback rule).

I don’t mind sharing his hole at all. In fact, the more the better! I just want in it.

Anyway, you are a true inspiration and I am hoping you have some advice for me, anything helps!

Frustrated Top, Tony in Minnesota

Answer from Mark

ATops are never “owed” ass. Tops take ass.

Nut up. Why are you taking this pussy’s bullshit?

You’re not a top. You’re worse than a pussy-whipped straight guy.

This little fucker is getting it raw. He’s a little demanding, bossy bottom and he gets away with it because no one has the balls to put the fucker in his place.

He needs fucked and bred. But you’re not the man to do it.

It’s time you admitted the truth. You’re a fucking bottom. Oh, I know it hurts a little when the cock slides inside. But you’re all weepy and lovey-dovey over a piece of ass.

And you haven’t owned it.

You do not have the capability or the instinct to be a true, natural top. It’s time you gave it up and started training your ass to take it.

Fuck, if you were paying for all my shit, I’d play dumb, coy and forbid you from fucking me raw. It keeps you chasing after me.

The Plea of ‘Please Fuck Me’

The Plea of ‘Please Fuck Me’

I turned 46 this year. Apparently, it’s one of those watershed moments in a gay man’s sexual career.

I’ve had them before. When I turned 31, it happened. Suddenly, the immature men in their youthful twenties weren’t interested in IMing me on AOL — hey folks, this is before the wide open world of the Internet. I know most of you kiddos missed that whole world where we didn’t hook up without hook-up sites, apps and Craigslist.

It occurred again at 36 when I no longer met the 19-35 threshold.

And now I’ve skipped beyond 45 and suddenly, everything ancient is new.

We’re into begging territory.

Daddies aren’t asking me to fuck him. Grandpa is. I get more pleas of “please fuck me” from men in their sixties than ever before. It’s not that I won’t fuck a man born in the 1940s. I will. But let’s get a few things out of the way.

  1. Don’t ask if you don’t mean it. Begging me to fuck you when you’re 100-plus miles away doesn’t do shit for either one of us. I’m pretty much tired of the message when there’s no fucking way you’re coming to Atlanta and I’m surely not dragging my ass to Timbuktu, South Africa. My answer now is just to ignore the dumb fuck or answer, “Okay. Come on over.”
  2. Don’t lie. Recently I did choose to fuck a child of the 1940s, but he lied, lied and lied again. He sent a bogus photograph (granted of another man in his early sixties) who had an incredible cock and a decent body. But he also said he didn’t smoke and, bingo, dumb ass, I smelled it the moment he walked in. I also enjoyed the fresher smell as he left the building.
  3. Don’t let this give you hope. If you’re old, chances are I won’t fuck you. Look, I know I’m fucking old. That’s the thing… we’re both old. But I’d much rather fuck down than fuck up. Since this is a top world, I get to pick where I plant my seed and it’s still in a tight young ass. Speaking of which, I’ve got some advice for you old farts.
  4. Gravity is not your friend. Look sweetie, if you’re going to take a picture of your saggy ass, I appreciate the honesty in advertising that you shoot that shot with you standing up. But when those ass cheeks look like they’re swinging at the back of your knees, we’ve got a problem Houston. Lie down and hire a professional photographer to re-position those cheeks into place.
  5. HemorroidsHemorrhoids do not build character. Maybe you do want to show off that cumload spilling out your ass, but three loads spilling out do not make up for the bulges around your pucker that look like you’ve had out-of-control Botox injections. Tuck that shit inside or simply don’t send me those photos.
  6. Grooming costs money, but it’s worth it. Look, at 46, I can tell you I’ve got hair growing out of places I never thought I’d have hair. I fucking hate that my stylist doubles as the waxer for my earlobes. But my cute, young thing earns an extra twenty for ripping that shit out. And that strange pubic puff at the small of my back? Well, let’s just say, no one has to see that, even though the only people seeing my back are massage therapists.

All that said, stop the madness. You want fucked by me, be honest, upfront and nearby.

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Q&A: Can His Poz (But Undetectable) Load Go into My Neg Ass and I Stay Neg?

Q&A: Can His Poz (But Undetectable) Load Go into My Neg Ass and I Stay Neg?

QuestionI love reading your blog! Not only is it hotter than fuck, but it’s also super informative.

My partner and I are both in our 40s. He’s poz, I’m neg. Recently, after almost a decade together, we started fucking bareback.

When I fuck him, I don’t use a condom and I cum inside him.

When he fucks me (which is more frequent) he pulls out and cums on my ass. I’d love for him to cum inside me but he won’t do it. He doesn’t want to be responsible for making me poz.

His viral load has been undetectable for years.

What are the risks to me if he were to cum inside me? I really want his load in me.

Your blog rocks!

AnswerKudos on you two sharing your DNA! Well, one of you is sharing yours, actually. You really want his and to experience jizzjoy Open-New-Window-External.

I’m going to give you the skinny first with a couple of alternatives.

What Your Doctor Might Say…

What the fuck do you think you’re doing? Slap that condom on both of you and forget about it.

The Drug Route

Serodiscordant Open-New-Window-External couples, as a physician would call you, makes the negative partner a perfect candidate for prophylaxis Truvada Open-New-Window-External regimen, which means you’d take the antiviral as a precaution against getting HIV.

It’s an expensive choice and, in some cases, your insurance may not cover it since it’s just preventative. Plus, you may or may not suffer side effects of the drug.

Now for what I really think.

And part of me wants to take you both, slap you up side the head and then have your partner fuck you and teach you, as a bottom, how to make sure that fucking load ends up with it belongs.

You’re both already doing everything else.

When You Fuck Your Boyfriend

Let me paint a picture.

Micron-DickThis is your cock in the photo your provided to the right. It is 8 inches long and 4 inches around.

Now because HIV is a little bugger, I’m just (for fuck’s sake) going to convert inches into millimeters because that’s the smallest measurement we all think of in our daily lives (but you’re going to be proud because your cock is going to sound huge).

Your cock is 203 mm long and 102 mm around.

The approximate surface area of your cock is 24,000 square millimeters (if your cock were a perfect cylinder, and that calculation skips the base).

That much surface area is going into the HIV-rich juices of your boyfriend’s ass every time you fuck him. Every time. Deep in his gut.

Visualize that for a moment. The smallest skin cut gives a route into your skin.

Now to get really fucking real, HIV is 10,000 times smaller than a millimeter. HIV is about 0.1 micron. In other words, if we were to measure the area of your cock in microns, that would be 24 million square microns. And each square micron could give 100 bugs to pass through at any given time.

Let’s multiply that out even more and say that the “holes” available for HIV to invade your body just through your cock’s surface area alone is something like 2.4 billion.

But so far, you haven’t gotten it.

It’s not like you’re not risking getting it when you fuck him.

When Your Boyfriend Tops You

Has he put a cork in his cock? Has he assured there’s no precum slipping out through that pee-hole?

I’ve never gotten the whole “pulling out” bullshit, which is why I blast inside (sorry, couldn’t resist).

Now he’s inside you, pumping away. Your most vulnerable moments are when you first stretch out and microfissures can open up in the linings of the colon. The colon offers lots of opportunity to transfer bodily fluids both ways, but of course the bottom is receiving.

As he’s fucking you in those early stages, he is grinding his fluids into your ass and into whatever openings are there. You’re getting his precum, his spit, his sweat, left over piss, and pretty much anything else between the two of you anyway.

Take those same measurements and of his cock and you can take the amount of your interior skin being exposed to his fluids through that touch.

I’m skipping your oral activity and the debatable kissing and other fun stuff. And I didn’t even bother to suggest there might be something a little more kinky going on.

Here’s the Point

If you were to become poz, it likely would have already happened. But let me make the logical point.

Your boyfriend’s viral load — the amount of the virus in his blood — is undetectable. I can’t stress this enough. Tests can’t detect it.

I know it’s not an exact congruence, but it’s like HIV has gone into remission. It’s hiding. It’s somewhere in the body, but you just don’t know where it is or when and where it will likely turn up.

While there’s a chance that it could change at anytime and reemerge, for now he’s essentially negative.

You’re both basically seroconcordant Open-New-Window-External.

Either fuck or don’t. I personally say fuck. Your boyfriend needs to understand that you can just as easily become HIV-positive by what you’re currently doing if the virus decides to return. But tomorrow there could be an earthquake or an asteroid or a car wreck. I’m not suggesting you live your life as if you’ll die tomorrow. I’m suggesting you live your life as if the traffic light is on green all the time, not yellow.

Postscript

You do need to be prepared for the possibility of conversion Open-New-Window-External, even if you keep fucking the same way you are now. And while I wouldn’t pretend to know the nature of your relationship, I am betting you don’t have a problem with being poz. He’s not hearing you right now because he sees the prejudice that being positive brings among gays.

I want that to stop as much as you do. My point of all this was to make it clear that you both are lucky to have found one another. It’s a wonderful thing to share and your partner needs to stop feeling guilty that he might expose you to something that you’re exposed to already.

It’s a choice you’ve both made to share. I think it’s wonderful.

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Mark Bentson aka iBLASTinside welcomes getting messages from his readers and loves answering them. Send a message to iBLASTinside@gmail.com mailbox_full or hit him up on his contact page Opens new window of a page on this blog.

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Q&A: I want to bottom but it just hurts too much. Is there any way I can make it happen?

Q&A: I want to bottom but it just hurts too much. Is there any way I can make it happen?

QuestionI’m pretty new to getting fucked. I was only fucked once successfully by a guy I was blowing for like a half an hour, slowly edging him. I was really drunk, so I was relaxed I guess. He was like 7 inches and pretty thin cock. When he went behind me i didn’t even really think he was gonna fuck me and it didn’t hurt bad going in. I did feel it when he was pounding me though. He used lube.

Since then I’ve had three guys try it: Two with no lube and today, a guy had lube (but I’m not sure he used enough). They were all smaller than the first guy. All of them it hurt so bad when they were putting it in, I just ended up blowing them.

Hurting-Bottoms-AssSo yes… I’m a bad bottom right now, but I don’t want to be. I loved the feeling of the one man dominating my asshole and kind of feeling like he was up there for a few days after.

I identify as a bottom, because I am a submissive and want to please the man with the cock.

Is there anything i can do to kind of soften the blow of the first thrust in? It seems to be I hear that after I do it a few times that it will be easier. I really don’t want to do poppers or anything. I was thinking maybe if I got a dildo it would stretch out some.

I see a lot of people saying go slow at first, which makes sense. But it seems to me maybe I should have them do the first push in — like a few inches — to get past my sphincters. Then hold it there until I adjusted so it would just be one moment of intense pain. Then i could deal with the fucking pain, which seemed okay.

I know it’s my fault for either being too nervous and not accepting it or not being prepared.

Also, I’m not really sure what a portable douche is. I want to be as clean as possible. Is there some kind of thing you just fill up with water and squirt it up your butt? And how long before you fuck do you do it?

I hope your answer isn’t suck it up and just take it, but that might be the only one. It just really really hurts.

I want to be a good bottom and to please my guys when they want me to turn around.

I figured you had experience with this so i would ask you. I know it’s a lot of questions. Thank you for your time.

A Bottom in Pain

 

AnswerDear Bottom in Pain,

Suck it up.

That is the easy answer, but it’s not the right answer for you — obviously. I don’t like seeing bottoms going unbred, especially when they’re begging for it. Let’s step through a few options.

bullet I’m not sure why you’re refusing the assistance of poppers Opens new window of a page on this blog. I hear this sometimes with people and it baffles me. Poppers can be legally obtained pretty much everywhere and their effects are rather temporary. You will find that the most intense sensations occur within 30 seconds of snorting them and by five minutes later, no residual effects will remain. Perhaps you are one of the small percentage of people with low blood pressure, which makes using poppers dangerous because you might pass out. 

bullet Prior to having sex (by at least 30 minutes), please take pain medication. If it’s ibuprofen or acetaminophen (I believe four of each, which is double the recommended amount, makes for “prescription strength) is a good option. If you happen to have prescription pain medication or muscle relaxers, consider those as well.  You should consider this also if poppers Opens new window of a page on this blog cause you headaches instead of avoiding poppers all together (and better quality poppers won’t cause headaches usually).

bullet Buy a dildo or vibrator of normal size and work your ass every night. I don’t mean every other night or when you’re horny. I mean every, single night. With this exercise, I recommend you do some deep breathing (in through the nose, out through the mouth) and relaxation techniques (just search YouTube for “5-minute relaxation” if you need help). When the speaker talks about relaxing the body, you focus on your asshole and relax it. Accept the dildo. Use the poppers a couple of times. Just close your eyes and make it happen. It won’t be easy at first, but eventually — probably by the third week — you will be able to take the dildo in your ass during the five minute exercise.

bullet Once you can take the dildo in five minutes (all the way in), begin fucking yourself with it. Explore your insides. Find the spots that feel good and the ones that don’t. Yes, at first, you feel like you need to shit. That’s normal. But you will get past that. For the next month, you just need to explore.

anal-bulb-douchebullet Now these two months could be a little messy unless you douche (we’ll talk portable douche in a moment). I recommend the anal bulb douche as your first option (you can see it to the right). The most prevalent thing to notice about this is its very thin spout. You want one like this to clean your ass. In the shower and prior to play, do a few squirts into your ass, hold and then release. If you can get two or three bulbs full into your ass before release, even better. This is also teaching your ass muscle control. By the way, use a sensitive, hypoallergenic liquid soap as lubricant and make sure the water isn’t too hot that you squirt inside.

bullet Throughout this process, you should be paying attention to your body and noticing your body’s schedule. When do you normally take a shit? You need to notice when you eat and how long it takes to process that meal. A good bottom knows his body and its normal rhythms. I know bottoms who will stick to protein shakes or juice a couple of days prior to big gang bangs to avoid passing solids. Learning how your body processes and passes wastes is important to being clean and providing a top the optimum experience. For me, if I get shitdick Open-New-Window-External, the bottom is licking it clean.

bullet When you are with a top, begin with one who will let you sit on his cock first. I personally love this position to begin with anyway. It warms me up after good sucking. Using lube is important but not vital. It’s more about the bottom relaxing and opening up. Sounds like to me you’ve got a case of stage-fright. If you’re in control — which is the top position, where you sit on the cock — you control the pace. And here’s where you have some fun. If it hurts, ease off it. Tell the top he’s got a nice big cock. Let your ass relax a bit. Then ease back onto it. The second time in won’t be as bad. And you might even need to come off again before burying the bone.

bullet Once you adjust to the sensation, switch to a position where the top has more control. If it gets to hurting, start begging the top to cum. Hurting too much, switch off and suck a little. Change position. Don’t say it’s hurting too much. And never let it end in a blowjob. Just give your ass a rest but remember your relaxation techniques to allow you to take his cock.

bullet Eventually, you’re going to want to get a permanent shower shot douche for your home. This is an attachment for your shower. Every good bottom has one and swears by it. Knowing your body’s rhythm and cleaning out daily is not unusual for every bottom. I know bottoms who can be ready is less than five minutes, no matter where they happen to be located.

Squeeze-Bottle-Accordianbullet As for a portable douche, nothing really handy exists, but my favorite improvised device is one I saw a bottom carry with him. Technically, you can find it in the cake decorating section of your grocery store (or you might need to go to a more crafty kind of place). The squeeze bottle accordion can be compressed into a smaller format for carrying so it’s about an inch tall. At your destination, you can use water from the sink to squirt into your ass. As a suggestion, leave the water running when expelling from your ass so your top doesn’t hear that. He doesn’t want to think you were just dirty.

bullet Might I also suggest carrying one of these is good for any bottom who wishes to get the cum out of his ass as soon as possible. Look, I prefer a bottom keep my DNA inside him. But bottoms like to lie. I know that. Using this, one can rinse out an ass if there’s some level of fear of a possible disease transmission. Leaving the cum and other juices inside just causes it to fester. There’s debate whether a spermicide will kill HIV or cause it to thrive. I’d err on the side of killing it since you’re rinsing it out. Again, leave the water running or, better yet, take a shower after the fun.

I hope this answers all your questions.

Yours in DNA,
Mark 
aka iBLASTinside

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Do you have a question you’d like Mark Bentson (aka iBLASTinside) to answer? Send a message to iBLASTinside@gmail.com mailbox_full or hit him up on his contact page Opens new window of a page on this blog.

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What Does It Feel Like to Be Filled With Cum?

Cum Inside: A Complicate Slut Craves to Have a Man Dominate Him with DNA

Another bottom — this one asking to remain anonymous — explains how it feels to be filled with cum. Another response to the question posed by a bareback bottom virgin Opens a new window from this blog in addition to the one from Josh Landale Opens a new window from this blog.

These have both been good answers. That said, I hope someone considers answering the purely physical aspects.

Believe me, jizzjoy Link Opens in a New Window really gets some guys going. I know Opens a new window from this blog.

Both of these men interweave jizzjoy with the physical. Perhaps someone needs to separate it out so the bottom gets what to expect.

‘One Guy Breeding You Is Hot, Five Are Five Times Better’

For me, it’s about taking the cock and taking the cum. They are interlinked.

A cock is made to pound into another person, to jab at their body and eventually force a load of DNA into them. It is irrelevant why the load is being deposited — to get some pregnant, to mark a man’s territory, to infect someone or even to just to get a load off so a man can relax.

The “why” does not matter. In all cases, a man’s cock is designed to invade someone’s body.

Which brings the first question: If you have a cock why don’t you use it?

A friend of mine once told me it is because my internal wiring is all fucked up. He was filmed me jerking off and showed me that when I cum I don’t thrust with my hips like men do.

There is no natural instinct to inseminate. Rather I get my intimacy from sharing in a man’s masculinity rather that showing my own. Knowing his fluids are in me, mixing with my body, becoming part of me is how I share with other males — whether it be with a long-term lover or a random guy in a bathhouse.

This need for another man to invade me, penetrate and eventually exert his masculinity over me brings me to the last question: Do you like to be filled and how does it feel?

The short answer is, “Yes, I like to be filled.”

For the very reasons I spelt out above. Can I feel it when a man cums in me; well, that is more complex.

I cannot feel the actual spurts deep in my hole, but you can definitely feel the cock twitch and the way a guy changes his thrusting that lets you know he is cumming.

Most importantly, as he moves in and out of you, he pulls back some of his cum and you feel all slick and wet.

If you are really lucky it will make your hole tingle and sting when it comes into contact with chaffed or broken skin. I like the idea of that; it means I don’t have to wait for load to start absorbing through the anal wall; he is already in my blood stream, bits of him pumping into my heart and brain.

That for me is the main goal.

However there are other things to like about being filled.

If enough guys use your wrecked hole you not only feel more used and sorer but also more satisfied. If one guy breeding you is hot, five are five times better.

I also like to suck the cocks clean afterwards. I was first introduced to this by a guy who used it as a way of promoting cleanliness. But soon learnt to love it . To kiss the head of a cock that has just fucked me, to know that a few moments ago it was being used to dominate and emasculate me — that it was used to drive a man’s DNA deep inside me, that it tastes of that cum and my hole — is a practical demonstration of all that I am.

If I have been well worn out by a fucking, I like to squat and let the smell of my loaded hole waft up. It prolongs the sensation of the taste and smell of the man’s cock.

I try not to clean myself up. I like to leave the load in me either for the next guy or just so it has time to be absorbed or dry in me, although on rare occasions, I do squirt it out and eat it.

What can I say? I am a complicated slut.

Hopefully more responses will be coming in soon.

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