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Q&A: I want to bottom but it just hurts too much. Is there any way I can make it happen?

Q&A: I want to bottom but it just hurts too much. Is there any way I can make it happen?

QuestionI’m pretty new to getting fucked. I was only fucked once successfully by a guy I was blowing for like a half an hour, slowly edging him. I was really drunk, so I was relaxed I guess. He was like 7 inches and pretty thin cock. When he went behind me i didn’t even really think he was gonna fuck me and it didn’t hurt bad going in. I did feel it when he was pounding me though. He used lube.

Since then I’ve had three guys try it: Two with no lube and today, a guy had lube (but I’m not sure he used enough). They were all smaller than the first guy. All of them it hurt so bad when they were putting it in, I just ended up blowing them.

Hurting-Bottoms-AssSo yes… I’m a bad bottom right now, but I don’t want to be. I loved the feeling of the one man dominating my asshole and kind of feeling like he was up there for a few days after.

I identify as a bottom, because I am a submissive and want to please the man with the cock.

Is there anything i can do to kind of soften the blow of the first thrust in? It seems to be I hear that after I do it a few times that it will be easier. I really don’t want to do poppers or anything. I was thinking maybe if I got a dildo it would stretch out some.

I see a lot of people saying go slow at first, which makes sense. But it seems to me maybe I should have them do the first push in — like a few inches — to get past my sphincters. Then hold it there until I adjusted so it would just be one moment of intense pain. Then i could deal with the fucking pain, which seemed okay.

I know it’s my fault for either being too nervous and not accepting it or not being prepared.

Also, I’m not really sure what a portable douche is. I want to be as clean as possible. Is there some kind of thing you just fill up with water and squirt it up your butt? And how long before you fuck do you do it?

I hope your answer isn’t suck it up and just take it, but that might be the only one. It just really really hurts.

I want to be a good bottom and to please my guys when they want me to turn around.

I figured you had experience with this so i would ask you. I know it’s a lot of questions. Thank you for your time.

A Bottom in Pain

 

AnswerDear Bottom in Pain,

Suck it up.

That is the easy answer, but it’s not the right answer for you — obviously. I don’t like seeing bottoms going unbred, especially when they’re begging for it. Let’s step through a few options.

bullet I’m not sure why you’re refusing the assistance of poppers Opens new window of a page on this blog. I hear this sometimes with people and it baffles me. Poppers can be legally obtained pretty much everywhere and their effects are rather temporary. You will find that the most intense sensations occur within 30 seconds of snorting them and by five minutes later, no residual effects will remain. Perhaps you are one of the small percentage of people with low blood pressure, which makes using poppers dangerous because you might pass out. 

bullet Prior to having sex (by at least 30 minutes), please take pain medication. If it’s ibuprofen or acetaminophen (I believe four of each, which is double the recommended amount, makes for “prescription strength) is a good option. If you happen to have prescription pain medication or muscle relaxers, consider those as well.  You should consider this also if poppers Opens new window of a page on this blog cause you headaches instead of avoiding poppers all together (and better quality poppers won’t cause headaches usually).

bullet Buy a dildo or vibrator of normal size and work your ass every night. I don’t mean every other night or when you’re horny. I mean every, single night. With this exercise, I recommend you do some deep breathing (in through the nose, out through the mouth) and relaxation techniques (just search YouTube for “5-minute relaxation” if you need help). When the speaker talks about relaxing the body, you focus on your asshole and relax it. Accept the dildo. Use the poppers a couple of times. Just close your eyes and make it happen. It won’t be easy at first, but eventually — probably by the third week — you will be able to take the dildo in your ass during the five minute exercise.

bullet Once you can take the dildo in five minutes (all the way in), begin fucking yourself with it. Explore your insides. Find the spots that feel good and the ones that don’t. Yes, at first, you feel like you need to shit. That’s normal. But you will get past that. For the next month, you just need to explore.

anal-bulb-douchebullet Now these two months could be a little messy unless you douche (we’ll talk portable douche in a moment). I recommend the anal bulb douche as your first option (you can see it to the right). The most prevalent thing to notice about this is its very thin spout. You want one like this to clean your ass. In the shower and prior to play, do a few squirts into your ass, hold and then release. If you can get two or three bulbs full into your ass before release, even better. This is also teaching your ass muscle control. By the way, use a sensitive, hypoallergenic liquid soap as lubricant and make sure the water isn’t too hot that you squirt inside.

bullet Throughout this process, you should be paying attention to your body and noticing your body’s schedule. When do you normally take a shit? You need to notice when you eat and how long it takes to process that meal. A good bottom knows his body and its normal rhythms. I know bottoms who will stick to protein shakes or juice a couple of days prior to big gang bangs to avoid passing solids. Learning how your body processes and passes wastes is important to being clean and providing a top the optimum experience. For me, if I get shitdick Open-New-Window-External, the bottom is licking it clean.

bullet When you are with a top, begin with one who will let you sit on his cock first. I personally love this position to begin with anyway. It warms me up after good sucking. Using lube is important but not vital. It’s more about the bottom relaxing and opening up. Sounds like to me you’ve got a case of stage-fright. If you’re in control — which is the top position, where you sit on the cock — you control the pace. And here’s where you have some fun. If it hurts, ease off it. Tell the top he’s got a nice big cock. Let your ass relax a bit. Then ease back onto it. The second time in won’t be as bad. And you might even need to come off again before burying the bone.

bullet Once you adjust to the sensation, switch to a position where the top has more control. If it gets to hurting, start begging the top to cum. Hurting too much, switch off and suck a little. Change position. Don’t say it’s hurting too much. And never let it end in a blowjob. Just give your ass a rest but remember your relaxation techniques to allow you to take his cock.

bullet Eventually, you’re going to want to get a permanent shower shot douche for your home. This is an attachment for your shower. Every good bottom has one and swears by it. Knowing your body’s rhythm and cleaning out daily is not unusual for every bottom. I know bottoms who can be ready is less than five minutes, no matter where they happen to be located.

Squeeze-Bottle-Accordianbullet As for a portable douche, nothing really handy exists, but my favorite improvised device is one I saw a bottom carry with him. Technically, you can find it in the cake decorating section of your grocery store (or you might need to go to a more crafty kind of place). The squeeze bottle accordion can be compressed into a smaller format for carrying so it’s about an inch tall. At your destination, you can use water from the sink to squirt into your ass. As a suggestion, leave the water running when expelling from your ass so your top doesn’t hear that. He doesn’t want to think you were just dirty.

bullet Might I also suggest carrying one of these is good for any bottom who wishes to get the cum out of his ass as soon as possible. Look, I prefer a bottom keep my DNA inside him. But bottoms like to lie. I know that. Using this, one can rinse out an ass if there’s some level of fear of a possible disease transmission. Leaving the cum and other juices inside just causes it to fester. There’s debate whether a spermicide will kill HIV or cause it to thrive. I’d err on the side of killing it since you’re rinsing it out. Again, leave the water running or, better yet, take a shower after the fun.

I hope this answers all your questions.

Yours in DNA,
Mark 
aka iBLASTinside

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Do you have a question you’d like Mark Bentson (aka iBLASTinside) to answer? Send a message to iBLASTinside@gmail.com mailbox_full or hit him up on his contact page Opens new window of a page on this blog.

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I’m Pro-Life! That Cum Stays Alive!

I’m Pro-Life! That Cum Stays Alive!

I’ve never really gotten political here. It’s all about sex. And I’m not about to start. But all this talk about rape, legitimate rape, forcible rape and all the rest has just gotten me so.. well… hot and bothered.

I never thought I’d end up really thinking the Republicans agreed with me on social conservative policies but, damn, we’re onto something.

Apologies or not, if women can’t get pregnant from “legitimate rape,” I’m wondering what they’d think about a little illegitimate rape. You know, a little dick up the ass kind of stuff. After all, I’m sure the life of the mother isn’t in danger because, fuck, there isn’t a mother! We all know they prefer keeping the zygote alive, so that’s basically saying to everyone to please, please, please bareback and go for it.

In fact, I’m all for what Clayton Williams said. The former Texas gubernatorial candidate and current financial supporter of Sen. Scott Brown (R-Mass.) said, “Rape is like bad weather. If it’s inevitable, you might as well relax and enjoy it.”

This is a call to all the folks in Tampa on BarebackRT.com, Manhunt, Adam4Adam, Craigslist and all the other hook-up sites in Tampa, St. Petersburg and everywhere else around the Gulf Coast of Florida. You’re about to be invaded by horny Republicans.

Fuck them.

And I mean that literally, not figuratively. Get your cocks off in their ass. Push that cum up inside them. If they just want a blowjob or a handjob, tell them that’s what you’re going to give them then get them into your clutches and hold them down and FUCK THEIR ASSES RAW like God intended.

I’m sure their bodies will shut down and prevent infection of whatever you’ve got in your cum — if anything. In fact, I think you should invite a few friends over to fuck them. Be sure to tell them they might as well relax and enjoy it.

Don’t abort any of those nice cummy babies. Keep it alive inside of them. That’s the only way to be sure we prolifers give them what they need.

 

Loading Zone: On Becoming A Cumdump Bottom

Loading Zone: On Becoming A Cumdump Bottom

[alert style=”green”]Welcome to iBLASTinside’s Bareback Loading Zone, the place where readers and fans of iBLASTinside.com send and post their own tales and adventures. These are all true and told to Mark who occasionally massages the writing a little if needed.

Today’s submission comes from a thirtysomething former “safe” top. He’s naturally smooth and twink. He’s from Los Angeles and, well, he can tell his story a little better than I can.[/alert]

 

As a negative man, I was afraid of sex. As a positive man, I embrace it.

About a year ago I seroconverted. With it, the usual range of upset emotions flooded me: shock, anger, fear, disbelief, sadness, etc. But something else happened, too. Something I didn’t expect.

After the dust settled and I learned the facts about my new status, my libido exploded! I was so turned on, almost all the time, especially at the thought of being fucked raw and bred.

I never really thought of myself as a bottom before, so this was new for me. I also started to feel like I was really a part of the community, willing to experiment sexually and do shit I only fantasized about and watched in porn. Funny thing is, I didn’t realize just how uptight and scared of sex I used to be until after I was no longer shackled by my negative sero-status.

iBLASTinside's Bareback Loading ZoneOnce I became poz, most of my inhibitions about sex started to fall away. I began hooking up more frequently, offering my hole and telling guys to unload in me. I wanted to hear guys tell me they were going to shoot inside me and I was really turned on if they refused to pull out.

I even set up a gang bang and invited poz men to anonymously breed me, which I have never done before. I took six loads that night and could have easily taken twice that or more. It really felt amazing.

Finally, what I didn’t realize when I was negative, was that I was now experiencing sex, I was embracing sex in a very bold way.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always loved sex. But like a lot of us, I was indoctrinated to believe that fucking will kill you if you’re not “safe.” So I never even considered to letting my inhibitions completely go; it just wasn’t an option.

I could never quite resolve this deep-rooted fear with the simple fact that I love cock and cum.

As a poz man, I have come to realize that at my core I am a cum-loving sex pig and there is nothing hotter to me than feeling a guy’s raw dick inside my body. I love thinking about it, I love doing it, I love watching it, and I love hearing about it!

I now find men who are sexually timid to be a complete turn off. I don’t want to teach or feel like I’m dragging anyone into a sexual experience. I want to be joined.

Fear of sex has little place with me anymore. This awakening would never have happened had I not become poz.

As a neg man, I was a typical “serosorter,” Link Opens in a New Window programmed to associate HIV with death. Any man that appeared to have that “HIV-positive look” (usually as a result of side effects of earlier medications and treatments) was completely off limits to me as an HIV-negative man. I realize now that that was my own prejudice because it was rooted in fear and ignorance. But I never recognized it as such, I just thought I was “being safe.”

Ironically, after I seroconverted, I now find poz men incredibly hot. I am now VERY turned on by poz men… but more significantly, I’m even more turned on by uninhibited men. It’s as if coming to terms with my own mortality provoked a strong response to live.

When I see that in other men, I recognize there must be some shared journey in that. I am part of a tribe now, part of a community that embraces its own. In so many ways I am relieved to have shed those HIV prejudices.

I used to screen guys about their status before having sex with them. Based on their sincerity, appearance and/or my intuition, I would determine what I would do sexually — if anything. There was always an element of unpleasant anxiety that went with it, but I never knew anything different, so I just accepted that as part of the deal. Of course there were few after-the-fact scares and I was tested somewhat regularly for HIV and stds.

If a guy told me he was positive or I suspected was positive, then I would usually pass on the encounter. In the back of my mind, I truly thought I was safe from HIV. But this illusion is such bullshit and self-delusional. It’s all fear and mental gymnastics and unsustainable.

So I fucked a guy and seroconverted. I didn’t intend it to happen, but ultimately I’m more grateful than not. Now I can actually relax, find contentment and peace and ton of sexual resolution. I am more into sex now that I have ever been before and have discovered the spiritual-sexual connection between men and the drive to fuck and be fucked…and if a guy tells me he’s poz, my dick starts to swell and my hole aches to be fucked and loaded up.

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Feedback on the Grindr Hate Message for the 23-Year-Old Openly POZ Barebacker

Feedback on the Grindr Hate Message for the 23-Year-Old Openly POZ Barebacker

Recently I posted a screenshot from Grindr sent to an openly POZ barebacker who happened to be online in Pittsburgh recently. The young man, who asked me not to use his name or photo, sent me the screenshot. He’d been floored.

Since turning HIV-positive a few years prior, he’d been honest with everyone online about his status as well as his preference to bareback. The result hadn’t been as much acceptance as there had been scorn, like this example.

I’d asked iBLASTinside readers to respond and some of you did. I wish a few more would, but here’s what I’ve received so far…

          

Those Who Protest Too Much

Andre wrote on 28 June 2012:

I don’t see what the fuss is about barebacking … it’s a personal choice and more than likely the a-hole who text those messages in the image above probably barebacks as well, when push comes to shove … you know what they say about those who protest too much …

          

Kudos to Leather Pup

Mindtrip wrote on 28 June 2012:

And people wonder why guys are lead to lie about their status.

It’s not just rejection; it is this hatred and disdain that leads to fear.

Kudos to this leather pup for his honesty to himself and to others.

          

Report and Block his Punk Ass

SeaGuy wrote on 29 June 2012: 

People who send messages like the one above to someone they do not know, attacking that person for the lifestyle they lead, are usually pathetic individuals who hate themselves for partaking in the particular lifestyle choice they are so against.

They also tend to not have anything else going on in their life. I don’t know of anyone in my life who has a hobby attacking strangers for barebacking. I would just report that pathetic hater for hate speech to Grindr then block his punk ass. He’s so pathetic it’s not worth your time to dwell on it.

          

Meet this Shit with Payback

HungLatinDom posted on 28 June 2012:

You should post the Grindr profile of the guy too. This kind of shit must be met with a payback. That kind of hate cannot be let unbound and with no response.

I pity the jerk, in any case. This kind of person hates us because we spoil their perfect life; if it would not be because filthy fags like us, he could have plenty of bareback sex. He wants it, he can’t have it, we are to blame. WHEN (not if) he gets poz, it’s gonna be ugly. I have seen it before, but it’s fair payback. All that hate is in their minds, nobody else is to blame.

When I seroconverted, I took it rather well. I made my life better in some aspects and realize some things. I never discriminated against poz gays, I was in peace with myself. Haters like him don’t have that advantage and they realize they turned into something they hate violently.

A Note from Mark

When I received the screenshot, I asked for the guy’s photo if the young pup had it. Like most chicken shits, he’d never uploaded a photo and, as you see in the image, never chosen a name for himself. Believe me, if I’d had any further information, I’d gladly have published it.  

          

Payback Is Not Cool

GermanFucker wrote on 28 June 2012: 

Someone who is open about his barebacking habits and his serostatus deserves all the respect and praise in the world, just like those who lie and mislead in order to infect deserve the scorn of the community. If you are open about barebacking and HIV everybody else can make his own decisions and will eventually realize that there are a lot of poz people out there and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with them. (And that if you want to be on the safe side, you can use a condom.)

However I find language like, “This kind of shit must be met with a payback,” dangerous and frightening.

Dude is a moron and a hater. He deserves to be ridiculed, made fun off and exposed for the douche he is. More than that he should be educated. What would not be ok is if someone went out and tried to poz the guy. There are limits. Calling it “payback” is a bit too much of a blank cheque. Not cool.

          

Karma Will Get Him

gd wrote on 28 June 2012 

This kid is probably going to get what he deserves. He is going to piss off a guy he shouldn’t about barebacking and he is going to get it. It’s that-asshole-better-than-thou attitude that guys hate. It’s one thing to disagree but another to hate and be so forceful about your view and so cryptic and dangerous.

I’ll admit it I am not really that much of a barebacker. I want to do it more but I am nervous and afraid. It’s sort of on hold right now. However sometimes I get messages from poz or undectable tops even though it’s in my profile I am not into that.

I don’t tell them to go die in a hole or go to AIDS country or anything like that. I tell them how flattered I am but I would rather try to play with neg guys (even though guys lie).

Some of them are okay but some get pissed. Some guys have called me a stupid naïve asshole for thinking that it’s okay to bareback with neg guys because all guys are poz and I am going to get pozzed anyways so I might as well do it with him. How romantic.

Everyone has their own view of barebacking.

Some guys don’t care about status and do it with anyone. Some guys are cum dumps. Some care about the status, and some are afraid to bareback.

I have nothing against poz guys or undetectable guys. Some I have talked to seem so nice and knowledgeable that I feel I am at fault for turning them down sometimes. But I don’t want to be poz. It might happen one day but I am really young and I want to stay neg for as long as I can. Safest way to do that right now is limit going raw tremendously. I really wanted to go to that CumUnion thing though but that would be dangerous.

I actually respect tops and bottoms both who, with their heart and mind, decide that they want to bareback and are not ashamed or afraid of it and don’t give a damn what others’ think. It’s their choice, their right, and their life and they don’t pussyfoot about it or make excuses.

But guys like this asshole on Grindr? He’ll say the same thing about an older guy or a guy he considers ugly.

Karma will get him.

          

I Enjoy Raw Sex Too Much to Wait for Love

Pete wrote on 28 June 2012:

I’m a recent convert to the (openly) bareback camp (with much thanks to this website for the encouragement to do it).

While I won’t be telling friends and family I’m doing it (that would just bring on worry I don’t think is necessary), I will be openly asking people I meet online if they will bareback (and if they are negative, although not asking hasn’t stopped me in the past). I’m just going to use my smarts to see if I think the person is being honest with me. I’m a pretty good judge of character.

As for the feeling guilty or having people possibly hate me for not understanding why I won’t practice safe sex, I made myself think about why I was doing it and came up with this as my excuse if I’m ever asked: If society will only possibly accept sex without a condom within a monogamous relationship, then I’m not willing to wait until I find someone to do that with.

I enjoy raw sex too much to wait for a love that may not come. Love is fleeting and hard to seek; sex is easy and fun, if done with the right partner(s).

You’re only hurting yourself if you believe you are. Yes, there are people out there who won’t ever be honest and try to stealth and make others poz; while I don’t agree with that, I do find the stories that involve on this site incredibly hot (so I can’t really judge). It’s totally the taboo nature of subverting the person who doesn’t want to “give in” and making it happen regardless. It’s bold & selfish, but incredibly intoxicating.

Life is worth living when you can just be yourself. Thanks to the commenters on this site for making me feel proud for doing it.

          

Doing What Cums Naturally

Versatile RAW Piggy Bottom wrote on 29 June 2012: 

It is a shame that the person contacted you and showed how much hate he has for people who are honest in what they like and want. Most likely he is hating his own life and has to spread that hate onto others — and especially to those doing what he desires to do. Have sex naturally….bareback.

Much Love & Support!

          

Disgusting

Jonas wrote on 29 June 2012:

That’s disgusting. I mean this guy clearly did nothing wrong, so he should never get messages like that.

I hate shortsighted people.

          

 

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Good Top, Bad Top, Evil Top, Glad Top

Good Top, Bad Top, Evil Top, Glad Top

Morality is a funny thing. I’m so used to being told that I’m bad, evil and going to hell by the radical right, it just seems to roll off me like I’m coated in Rain-X and it’s a light shower. It doesn’t even bother me. So when some members of the Gay community — even barebackers with their own questionable place to stand on a position of greater morality — begin to question whether I might be “good” or “bad,” one is left with a little Judge Not Lest Ye Be Judged in your soul.

Sometimes I feel like the slut about to be stoned.

Nonetheless, it’s not anything like the OTHER 99 PERCENT or a goodly chunk of the unemployed — of which I am one. We attempt to find work, fill out countless forms online, write, rewrite, rewrite, recast, alter, edit, reformat, update and rewrite our resumes again only to go on job interviews that look promising then some fucktard in the 1 percent decides his gold parachute needs more diamonds and platinum encrusting so he decides to announce a hiring freeze.

Sex is one of those things in which we have completely under our control. It’s not the color of our skin, our birthplace or luck. Sex isn’t a roll of the die. It is a choice whether we engage with a stranger or date for a time.

We have to remove the morality from fucking. It just simply doesn’t work. What does is personal accountability. Now you can run to a dictionary and splice terms with me but I’ll give you my basic lesson difference between responsibility and accountability.

Responsibility is being able to answer for one’s conduct and obligations to another person, group or entity.

Accountability is being able to answer for one’s conduct and obligations to oneself. 

We need not rely on anyone else. The choices are our own. With sex, you are accountable only to oneself.

If you’re fucked up enough to turn your back on someone holding a loaded gun who swears they won’t fire it into your backside, then you need to have your head examined.

Hate me if you want, but there’s a lesson to be learned here. Better you read and learn than fuck and regret.

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