Coincidental that I’m rereading the Frank Herbert classic Dune and experiencing a dry spell at the same time.
Truth is I could get more ass if I tried but here lately, my focus as been finding another job — not that any of you give a shit about my mundane life. If you want to read about sex, go search some sex term or skip to another entry.
Help Me Find a New Job
For those of you who don’t know, I’m in marketing with a digital emphasis. I can do it all and am at a senior level. I’m just about ready to jump into a vice president role somewhere. If you know of anything out there, please let me know .
My career includes extraordinary work and let’s just say I know what I’m doing (after all, I am the man who established the #BBBH hashtag on Twitter). This blog is about my sexual escapades and I wouldn’t mind working in the sex industry or along the fringes. That said, I never have and I enjoy working in a more traditional medium. In fact, I’ve worked in computers, electronics, media, healthcare and manufacturing.
If you’ve ever heard the overly trite phrase “thinking outside the box,” I don’t even see a box. My creative ideas take great risks and almost always come with phenomenal rewards. Some of my results were so astounding that the manufacturing company for which I worked had a six-month backlog after a two-week promotion I ran. The company also went from no presence in social media to first place in its marketplace in less than a year.
Other highlights of my work…
- Strong branding development and strategy throughout my career.
- (Obviously) terrific writing, communication and adept at presentations (PowerPoint, Keynote, etc.).
- Built multiple mobile applications for smart phones with fun and practical applications to further the brand.
- Integrated the use of QR codes in retail point-of-presence materials and print advertisements.
- Built and launched more than 500 websites — from tiny sites to blogs to personalized, database-driven, mammoth sites; always made sure those websites work with mobile browsers on tablets and phones; many websites are content management system-based and I’ve trained personnel how to best use the website.
- Developed international websites with multiple languages using automatic detection of geographic location for best possible visitor experience.
- Provided guidance through the basic discovery and design process including information architecture and search engine optimization (SEO) for websites.
- Created strategies, especially for online growth. One consumer website grew from 1.1 million to 2 million visitors in one year using a combination of SEO, search engine marketing (SEM), microsites and social media.
- Trained thousands of retailers in online marketing techniques to further their relationship with current consumer trends, bringing more consumers onto websites and into stores, significantly improving sales.
- Developed and executed massive campaigns with multi-tiered aspects utilizing several third-party companies and hundreds of personnel successfully.
- Ran public relations efforts including national satellite media tours.
- Cast television personalities as spokespeople for brands successfully, maintaining multiple years in developing television commercials and online presence.
- Developed YouTube channel for brand that now draws more than 300 viewers every day only two years after establishment.
- Created unique social media approach taking a company from non-existent to first place in its marketplace category in about six months.
- Flawless execution of events and convention, maintaining branding and delivering excitement.
- Creative SEM and online advertising including conquesting and other strategies to best deliver new potential customers.
- Developed web and social media syndication systems for major brands to help allow multilevel messaging from corporate to local.
- Integrated all digital marketing aspects with traditional advertising for maximum boost to any campaign and seamless unification.
Sexual Harassment Positions Welcomed
You want to be my boss and get my cock and cum on occasion? I don’t mind. I’m glad to provide.
We can be colleagues and I’ll even fuck you.
I’m someone who doesn’t let sex get in the way of work. In fact, it would be great to have an on-site fuck or someone I travel with on occasion and we can fuck around together or just be each other’s wing-man.
I’m also willing to move practically anywhere in the U.S., Canada or the U.K. for a job. I’ll consider other parts of the world like Australia but not sure about non-English speaking or intolerant parts of the planet like the Middle East (for some reason, a lot of marketing jobs seem to be opening up there). Still, if it’s the right opportunity and the right fit, I’ll take it.
Now, Why I’m Looking for a New Job
Venting Here, So You May Want to Skip This Part
You might recall I was out of work for just three days short of a year when I finally got this job. A position with much promise and a fuckload of travel including visits to the San Francisco Bay area. That part I loved.
However, promises made to me were not promises kept.
Here comes some venting… something I really can’t put anywhere else.
My direct supervisor is not well liked among colleagues, although the C-level seems to approve. All of those colleagues — to whom I had responsibilities — made my work a living hell since they dislike my supervisor. One of my staff members appears to have had an inappropriate relationship with my supervisor and therefore refused to report to me.
Despite gallant efforts on my own part, I could never seem to get the management group to align with any concept on the most basic level. This meant that I couldn’t get all the managers to agree to a single branding message.
I made superb headway with the company website in a short period, increasing qualified visitors and decreasing a lot of the folks who came by mistake. The company purchases a lot of Google pay-per-click ads and I’d made significant headway in improving those results, making sure the clicks resulted in legitimate, potential customers rather than wasting between $2.50 to $14 per click. Before I arrived, some months more than 90 percent of the monthly online ad budget was wasted on bogus clicks. In two months, I’d gotten it down to less than 53 percent and it was dropping further.
Despite this empirical evidence, all the managers began freaking out when less people were clicking through — even though each click turned out to be a more qualified person. In other words, they’d rather see 1,000 clicks where less than 10 percent would be a potential customer instead of 600 clicks where 47 percent might make a sales inquiry.
Between that and the pure hatred between my supervisor and pretty much everyone else, and I had no chance to survive.
I haven’t lost my job, but I see the handwriting. It’s funny how everyone outside the situation can see my competence and respect my skills and experience. Seems to me anyone who has two decades under his or her belt brings something to the table. Everyone within my circle of influence doesn’t give a shit.
Therefore, yet another refresh on my resume and pinging all the recruiters again. Keeping my finger crossed this won’t be another 12-month ordeal since the handwriting is pretty damn plain and I likely won’t last that long.
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