Here’s a collection of miscellaneous things that bug me about online profiles:
“Not to be racist but…” or “It’s just a matter of taste…”
Truth is, you’re about to be racist. When’s the last time you read, “Not to be racist but I really only fuck Asians.”
Too much of what men write is what they exclude, not what they include.
Men can’t be blondes
Men are only blonds. It’s one of the few examples where the masculine and feminine matters in the English language. Females are blonde, men are blond. Fucking kills me every time I see it. And speaking of color…
No one’s 50 shades of grey
Unfortunately, our language is getting fucked up thanks to people being unable to figure out Grey is normally a name (it is in the book as it is for anatomy, both the original book and the television show). The official color is gray with an “A.”
So “hit me up” I’m “down to fuck”? Really? Up and down? I want to go in and out.
“Breeding” means raw
It amazes me when I post an ad somewhere about “loading” or “breeding” an ass and then I get the “safe only” response. Even more amazing is the request that they “just suck me off.”
Uh, no. I’m here for the ass, not for the mouth.
When I say “potent cum,” what do you think I mean?
I’m just asking.
What’s up with the abbreviation for etcetera?
If you’re going to go on and on, it’s etc. not ect.
The contractions get me
Please, if you will not go somewhere, you won’t go there… And you want to go elsewhere.
Also, there is no way that there are people out there who don’t understands there’s some contractions out there that the masses seem to misunderstand.
For the most part, I find barebackers are good people; they are often misunderstood and they’re accused of being spreaders of disease and woe. Truth is, barebackers just know their cocks and asses provide a gateway to happiness. Theirs is a life of freedom.
Don’t cry to yo mama
I make it extraordinarily clear that I say some nasty shit when I breed ass. I’m verbal as I approach orgasm.
Just recently it happened again, but this time the fucker didn’t have a choice. I’d mounted him and his little 5-foot-7 frame couldn’t go anywhere. As I am thrusting inside him, I began some of the most horrific things you can say to a bottom.
I’d warned him. Clearly. He knew I’d say things.
He didn’t respond or beg or even whimper. I knew he just wanted it over.
I growled and let it go in his ass, leaning over into his ear: “You asked for this.”
And don’t try to lie
I know when someone lies to me. Sometimes I choose to ignore it. Other times, I call the fucker out.
Another thing I make clear is no smokers. All the time, people try to get around it.
“Oh damn,” a guy says the other day after begging me to fuck him. He’d claimed to be a fan and, well, sent me a pic of himself, of all things… smoking. “I quit in May. You won’t smell it on me. I promise.”
Men are known for their veracity. I’m always telling the truth to fuck ass. And I’m sure you’re telling the truth to get cock.
May? Why didn’t you go for last June?
Anyway, he got cut off.
Yes, you fuckers can go ahead and try to mask the smell with cologne and mouthwash, but allow me to point out a couple of salient points:
- You’ve dulled your senses with smoking so you can’t fucking smell the shit on you.
- Because the smell adheres everywhere, it’s usually on you in someway.
- And even more apparent, your lungs are saturated so when you exhale, it can be smelled.
- It’s even within your bodily fluids like spit, sweat and especially cum (which can stink like a mutherfucker).
Grindr is for babies
What the fuck is up with Grindr?
- It doesn’t work.
- It has children on it.
- It doesn’t work.
- The children on it aren’t interested in “hooking up.”
- It doesn’t work.
You’re a hooker if you’re shirtless without wildlife
I live in the South, so it’s not odd for me to see photos of people holding up fish, frogs or other creatures from some Redneck hunting expedition while being shirtless. Some gay men post these images as proof of butchness, although when you’re sucking my cock or taking my raw, rockhard cock up your ass and begging for my cum like the little bitch you are, you’re not so butch.
However, if you’re shirtless on any hook-up site or app — this means you, you little Grindr children — and then you add that you’re not here to “hook up,” you’re a hypocrite and a liar.
I don’t shave my balls because I don’t like hair
Lick the sack for larger snack.
My hairy sack tends to get in the way of allowing people to find my spots to give me a lot more pleasure. And the more pleasure I get, the bigger the load they get.
And I shoot big loads, with or without a little licky licky.
Why do you think a barebacker should compromise?
Sometimes I get a horny bottom who insists on a condom, who wants me to fuck them but expects me to be the one to compromise with a condom.
Why should I be the one to compromise?
DDF? Of course!
Everyone online is DDF and clean. Fuck. I’m clean. I took a shower yesterday.
I’ve never seen anyone ever answer other than, “Yes, I’m DDF.” It’s a useless stat. I’ve seen people proudly declare they’re poz or “poz and undetectable,” but I’ve never, ever seen anyone answer the truth when it comes to status.
“Oh I’ve got the clap and a small case of the crabs. It will clear up in a few days.”
“Look, the Valtrex seems to be working. Don’t worry about the Herpes. It’s not like I’m gonna give you the nose-falling-off syphilis.”
Seriously, guys. If you’re “DDF and looking for same,” all you’re going to get is lies.
Understand the status
I’m glad to see more and more people who get the difference between “undetectable and on meds” and “neg, tested 1/13/14.”
Which would you rather fuck?
The answer should be undetectable.
The neg guy hasn’t been tested in more than six months. Cum on.
Curious about the Truvada whores
How many of you “Neg+PrEP” are really on PrEP and how many of you are “Now Neg + Taking Meds”?
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