Category Archives: Serosorting

What Is Rape?

What Is Rape?

I get a fucking lot of accusations in my inbox. Often. Here’s one of the more interesting:

When I was 18, a top I met off phone chat had me come to his place. When I arrived, he was much older than described…

I get inside he immediately grabs my head and slams it against door then rapes me raw. He degraded me racially, calling me nasty Asian slurs.

After he was done, he hid my cell phone and keys and kept me for 15 days.

I was used as sex slave to pay for his meth addiction and infected. A black man felt bad and freed me — the only one out of 65 RAPISTS.

I went to police and he was arrested. But [during my captivity], he sent texts to his cell from mine saying everything was consensual AND IT WASN’T.

He now walks free and I hate him and, because of [the AIDS] virus, I no longer date.

I hate you, Mark, and all other violent predators.

For some of you perverts out there (and you know I love you all), you’re jerking off just thinking about this scenario. But let’s get to this Asian gentleman’s message to me and splice it apart, step by step.

Rape Is Bad

I do not believe this story. Here’s why I don’t:

If this 18-year-old gentleman disappeared for 15 days, his family, friends or others would have noticed. Sure, this violent man might have created some text messages back and forth, but those messages would have occurred after the disappearance. Any cell phone records could show that.

Further, in many states, to knowingly pass along HIV is criminal. HIV maintains a portion of the DNA from the source. A test could determine whether the victim was indeed infected by the older man.

I believe the consent likely came from this young man before the disappearance. He told some friends and family he would be gone a while — probably not 15 days — and after a while, came not to like the scene he’d fantasized about because the reality wasn’t quite and fun as the jerk off images.

I’ve seen that often and any of you with any level of kinks would agree.

Nonetheless, if I suspend my disbelief, let me just say if this is true, this is bad.

Let me also suggest to the writer that — unlike my website, which is about sex — that the guy who kidnapped you and held you captive, did that violent act to you. It wasn’t the sex, but the power play that you didn’t like (and the fact he was older than he initially said).

Safety in Hook-Ups

The dear letter writer made a gigantic boo-boo, for which he fails to take accountability. And I get so fucking tired of hearing this shit from people who read some of my posts.

Every time someone goes to a stranger’s home or hotel room or wherever to fuck, you’re taking a risk. Didn’t mamma teach you not to talk to strangers, much less fuck them (or let them fuck you)?

Gay men … damn, all men … love casual sex. We let our cocks put us into places we shouldn’t be. I’ve been there. And this guy ended up some place he shouldn’t have been.

Do not blame anyone else for that.

I’m not saying he dressed slutty so he should have been raped or anything like that. He didn’t deserve to be held hostage for 15 days — if indeed, that’s what happened.

But he’s not innocent.

He want to blame the car for hitting him head on when he was already driving on the wrong side of the road. He did something dangerous.

Fucker beware

I No Longer Date

Oh. My. God. Being Poz prevents this little fucker from dating.

All of you Poz guys out there need to stop dating, stop fucking and curl up into a ball and just shit yourselves.

Another reason not to believe this story: The idea that life ends with seroconversion. Hell, for some, becoming Poz means life begins. No longer worried about when HIV might arrive, but knowing that it’s now there with you.

(As an aside, I’m impressed the dude also counted all 65 guys who fucked him.)

If indeed this is true, let me speak to you, my Asian letter writer:

You need to speak with a professional and go into counseling for this trauma.

You need to find a way to move on, date and find a way to heal. The amount of pent up hate you’ve gathered up into yourself is preventing you from seeing that life continues. You survived something terrible but not everyone is out to hurt you.

Jumping Off the Hate Cliff

Now he says I am out to hurt him. I’m some sort of predator.

I’m not. Never have been.

If you’re upset about the stealthing thing, I’ve explained it time and time again and don’t really need to do it again.

If you’re upset that I use bottoms, all tops do whether they admit it or not.

I just think you’re upset. And once the proper counseling is in place, you’ll be better off.

I didn’t fuck you. I didn’t abduct you. I didn’t hold you hostage. Don’t hate me.

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Stealthing, Stealth, Stealth Fucking

Q&A: Just Pozzed Out and My Viral Load Is High. Should I Continue to Stealth?

Occasionally, I get e-mails from my readers asking questions. With permission, I answer them here.

 

QuestionI love your blog and your stories. I’m a versatile and sometimes get fucked and sometimes do the fucking. I since I’ve hit 30, I just really couldn’t stand using the condoms any more. But some guys insisted.

Then I found your blog. And read all about the whole stealth thing.

I get your point. You wrote about it as a warning to guys but you know, a lot of people are dumb and all. I had to get the cum in my ass and I needed to breed too. I made lots of condoms with pinprick holes. I always had condoms on me. Fuck, I even had friends ask me and I gave them away. I’ve left them around sleazy gay bars.

I finally got a poz test, which doesn’t bother me at all. Barebacking is a hotter experience now. Now I really think I’m breeding a guy and it’s taking hold.

My viral load is high. Man, I’m toxic, with millions swimming in me. I’m trying to decide if I want to go on meds or just continue to fuck my way through the world for a while.

But I’m having second thoughts about stealthing or slipping one of my special condoms on a top fucking me.

What would you do?

 

AThe question is where you meet these potential fucks.

There’s this hideous gasp among some fags that an anonymous hook-up should be an honest exchange of information and despite the numerous dishonest exchange about age, weight, etc. prior to someone’s dick going in someone else’s mouth, it’s some sort of cardinal sin if a condom isn’t used.

Never mind how we kill ourselves with crystal meth, smoking and booze.

But those choices are addictions and diseases while bareback fucking is wrong, wrong, wrong!

In my opinion, you should go on meds. Anything to keep more bareback fuckers fucking, I’m in favor. It’s between you and your doctor how aggressive  you want to be with the millions of friends you’ve got swimming around inside you now.

(And for any chasers, let me know who you are and I’ll consider sharing my toxic buddy’s info with you — with his permission — share his with you. You might want to include a pic.)

When I stealth, it’s usually a place like an adult bookstore or sex club. I was just there the other day and the fucking bottom I slipped my cock into pulled me out and insisted I wear a condom.

He didn’t provide one, mind you. I needed one.

I provided one. And he got a nice ride out of it and I got what I wanted. Interestingly enough, he kept checking to see if the condom was on, so I couldn’t rip it off. I didn’t need to do so because the fucker missed the point.

You want to be “safe,” you control the scene.

I brought my own “condoms,”  which in the darkened room he couldn’t see each one lacked the full tip (not just the pinhole prick you use).

Guess what fucker? You were loaded!

Now this little tweaker, who was in a darkroom and never saw me or anyone else who fucked his hole. If I know what goes down in these dastardly places, I also wasn’t the only one to stealth that day.

Let’s discuss the logistics of the whole thing.

The guy I fucked was a slut. And while there’s plenty of DNA evidence in his ass, who’s to say the condom didn’t fail or, despite my words here, he didn’t give me a condom that was broken and I was the one duped. As we both know, that’s a possibility as well.

If you’re inviting men over to your place and fucking them at your house… well, that’s just another story. I’d personally never use the broken condom bit in private one-on-one condom bit.

Spike-ItThat said, I have (on occasion) not honored the request to “pull out” in a timely manner. If the bottom is stupid to let me inside to play, I’m going to finish the game and score the touchdown. Truth is, most of the time they end up begging for it there anyway.

I’d also be a little careful about distributing sabotaged condoms. Anyone to simply pickup free condoms and expect them to work are stupid, but your fingerprints are probably on them and, well, I’d hate for some vengeful faggot to track you down (and in your city, they would).

After all this chatter, let’s boil it down:

Yes, Do…

  • Fuck raw. If the opportunity presents itself, fuck raw.
  • Go on meds. 
  • While you’re toxic, seek out chasers and gift. 
  • Stealth in sleazy places where bareback sex is the norm.
  • Stealth as a bottom.

No, Don’t…

  • Distribute sabotaged condoms anymore anywhere. 
  • Stealth as a top in one-on-one hook-ups

Best of luck and enjoy your new status. And don’t let the Aryan bastards get you down.

 

I love the occasional questions, so please send them along to iblastinside@gmail.com.

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Q&A: Truth Inside the Truth & the Truth When It Should Be a Lie

Q&A: Truth Inside the Truth & the Truth When It Should Be a Lie

Grindr-Hate-MessageHIV is a stigma. Don’t ask me. Ask someone who has it. Ask anyone who’s bold enough to actually put on their Grindr, Manhunt or Scruff profile that their Poz and see what happens. Here’s an example I used earlier of a friend of mine on Grindr who was messages for his profile which honestly revealed he’s Poz Opens new window of a page on this blog.

It’s bullshit.

Lately, I’ve gotten a couple of questions from readers who had issues involving Poz men, one making me think of this particular bias. I thought both were particularly telling and deserved to be told. Forgive me for sharing because I didn’t exactly ask these gentlemen’s permission, but I think I’ve averted anything devastating and I’m obscuring their identities.

Truth Inside the Truth:
Who Should Fuck Me, Poz or Undetectable?

QuestionI had only ever barebacked with boyfriends…. But I’m feeling that total slutty sex itch from deep within my hole and I kind of want to try bareback with a total stranger. Let’s face it: it was fucking hot, man! So, I joined BarebackRT.com Open-New-Window-External.

The first couple of days the only hits I got were from guys in the country and a couple of men in my home state, but several hundred miles away.

Today, I got hit up by two VERY hung tops, both within five miles of my home. One top says, “Undetectable.” The other says, “Positive.”

I really want to give it up again and I really want it to be raw, but  their status just scares me.

I almost hope I had never even looked at their status. I don’t know. I wonder if I would have even cared had I not known.

Which leads me to question whether or not I’m ready… A big part of me says, “Fuck it! Let’s do it!” But the other me says, “No.”

Advice?

(Give your own answer! Scroll to the survey below Scroll Down.)

 

AnswerYou need to ease into this world you’re exploring. So much of what you’re been conditioned is that HIV Poz is bad and you’ll die if you get it. No matter how much you logically know that’s not true, you still have this embedded conditioning — and almost Pavlovian response — that creates and illogical fear of bareback sex.

It just isn’t true.

So let’s just break through this with a little more logic.

Men who are undetectable have technically at one point been exposed to HIV. However, their antiviral cocktails have been so effective that it’s resulted in repressing the virus so far down that a blood test cannot detect it.

Basically, these guys are now neg again.

HIV hasn’t disappeared from the body. However, the main route by which the the virus is transmitted lacks it.

Your chances of getting infected by an undetectable man are more than likely less than a man who claims he’s neg. Here’s why:

Neg men aren’t really that religious and consistent about having themselves checked for HIV and other sexually transmitted infections. Neg men really don’t have a doctor hovering over blood tests to check all their levels and call them when a six-month test is missed.

HIV-neg men aren’t even notified or bothered about their next test by most gay doctors. And that’s the sexually active men who’ve bothered to tell their doctors they bareback.

Fuck, mine doesn’t even know I go raw. He lectures me but just assumes I’m using condoms.

You are so much safer with undetectable on a cocktail. There’s no guarantees. But just fuck it and go for it. You’ll be glad you did. Then in about six weeks, set up an appointment and keep it every three to six months.

Eventually, the guilt fades and your fear response will die down and you’ll just remember the fun.

 

Truth When It Should Be a Lie:
He Said, ‘Fuck Off, I Don’t Fuck Poz Bottoms!’

I get on Scruff and meet this fucking hot thirtysomething. We get to chatting and, bonus of all bonuses, he takes cock raw and tells me it’s his policy for the top not to pull out. I assure him that iBLASTinside (and he doesn’t get it — obviously, not a reader).

He can’t wait for me to fuck him bit I’m sort of booked for the afternoon when he says he only gets fucked twice a year.

“Twice a year?” I question. “You surely get fucked a lot more than that. You’re really hot.”

Well, he explains the Poz thing turns men off. And he’s a bit of a stickler on being honest and up front. He refuses to use a condom so he gets told more often to “fuck off” rather than to “get fucked.”

He doesn’t exactly ask a question, but it ends up I give him a bit of advice.

(Give your own answer! Scroll to the survey below Scroll Down.)

Answer(for advice) As it turns out, you’ve recently tested “undetectable.” This means that if the traditional HIV tests were run at this time, the virus could not be found in your blood — you’d appear essentially “negative” to people. 

At one point, you appeared positive, but if you said, “In my most recent tests, I came out ‘negative,’ you technically would not be lying.” This is especially true since you will be acting as the bottom.

I understand you have a conscious and you feel telling these random hook-ups — and that’s what they are — a random hook-up — that you’re negative and you’ve actually tested positive at one point may be considered a lie. But the risk you present to these slutty barebackers is almost non-existent.

Like I say above, it’s more risky for these guys to have sex with men who believe they’re neg but aren’t being tested all that often.

It is their own bias that drives them to say, “No” to you when chances are, several of the supposed “neg” guys aren’t neg at all. You’re safer to fuck than any of them.

Further, let’s look at it in another direction:

Let’s say your grandfather on your mother’s side was black. You look white. But the guy has one of those racist profiles that say, “Not into black guys. Sorry. Just how I am.” Technically, dude, you are a little black. Now he messages you because you look white. You’re attracted to him. You pass as white.

But the truth is, you are part black.

Do you tell him you’re black?

It’s not going to hurt him not to know. In fact, it might be a lot of fun.

What Do You Think?

Now it’s your turn to chime in. I’ve got three questions based on my advice. I want to see what you all think about my responses:

help2      help      help2      help

Who should the neg guy get fucked by?

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help2      help      help2      help

If you're poz but undetectable, is it okay to tell a hookup you're actually neg?

View Results

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help2      help      help2      help

If your maternal grandmother was black but you look white and a hook-up says he doesn't like blacks, should you tell that hook-up you're part black?

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help2      help      help2      help

Check back again here for continued results as more people vote.

help2      help      help2      help

Do you have a question you’d like Mark Bentson (aka iBLASTinside) to answer? Send a message to iBLASTinside@gmail.com mailbox_full or hit him up on his contact page Opens new window of a page on this blog.

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Causes of U.S. Deaths in 2009

What’s Killing People … It’s Not Sex

“It’s good to see a DDF guy on here. There aren’t that many in Atlanta.”

His message popped up on Scruff following a common, “Hello, How are you?”

Of all the things. My profile on Scruff calls myself “healthy, non-smoker” but doesn’t really plunge that much further into the “drug and disease free” issue. As I read the guy’s profile further, he said he was looking for a man who “didn’t think monogamy was a type of wood.”

Funny.

But this fortysomething asshole was alone for a reason. He hadn’t figured out some fundamental truths.

“You, sir, need an attitude adjustment,” I replied.

“Oh,” he replied. “You must be POZ.”

“I have too much to live for than to waste my life with someone who will kill me.”

What the fuck?

“First,” I replied. “I never said what my status happened to be.”

“Second, you need to get the facts about what’s killing Americans.”

I began to cite the statistics included below here. He messaged the word, “nut” before blocking me after the first couple.

Let me tell you some truths:

Causes of U.S. Deaths in 2009

Red Bullet HIV/AIDS: 17,000
Red Bullet Heart Disease: 599,000
Red Bullet Cancer: 468,000
Red Bullet Smoking: 430,000
Red Bullet Gunshots: 298,000
Red Bullet Stroke: 129,000
Red Bullet Alcohol/Drinking: 85,000
Red Bullet Alzheimer’s Disease: 79,000
Red Bullet Diabetes: 71,300
Red Bullet Flu and Pneumonia: 53,700
Red Bullet Drugs: 38,300
Red Bullet Suicide: 34,000
Red Bullet Vehicle Accidents: 33,800
Red Bullet Murder: 15,200

Even though 100 percent of all HIV/AIDS cases are not Gays, you could attribute all 17,000 are to Gay men and assign the 10 percent to the other diseases. It’s not until after gunshots and before stroke that there’s less deaths from HIV/AIDS.

No one has an uproar over processed foods or smoking. Just consider the facts.

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Loading Zone: On Becoming A Cumdump Bottom

Loading Zone: On Becoming A Cumdump Bottom

[alert style=”green”]Welcome to iBLASTinside’s Bareback Loading Zone, the place where readers and fans of iBLASTinside.com send and post their own tales and adventures. These are all true and told to Mark who occasionally massages the writing a little if needed.

Today’s submission comes from a thirtysomething former “safe” top. He’s naturally smooth and twink. He’s from Los Angeles and, well, he can tell his story a little better than I can.[/alert]

 

As a negative man, I was afraid of sex. As a positive man, I embrace it.

About a year ago I seroconverted. With it, the usual range of upset emotions flooded me: shock, anger, fear, disbelief, sadness, etc. But something else happened, too. Something I didn’t expect.

After the dust settled and I learned the facts about my new status, my libido exploded! I was so turned on, almost all the time, especially at the thought of being fucked raw and bred.

I never really thought of myself as a bottom before, so this was new for me. I also started to feel like I was really a part of the community, willing to experiment sexually and do shit I only fantasized about and watched in porn. Funny thing is, I didn’t realize just how uptight and scared of sex I used to be until after I was no longer shackled by my negative sero-status.

iBLASTinside's Bareback Loading ZoneOnce I became poz, most of my inhibitions about sex started to fall away. I began hooking up more frequently, offering my hole and telling guys to unload in me. I wanted to hear guys tell me they were going to shoot inside me and I was really turned on if they refused to pull out.

I even set up a gang bang and invited poz men to anonymously breed me, which I have never done before. I took six loads that night and could have easily taken twice that or more. It really felt amazing.

Finally, what I didn’t realize when I was negative, was that I was now experiencing sex, I was embracing sex in a very bold way.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always loved sex. But like a lot of us, I was indoctrinated to believe that fucking will kill you if you’re not “safe.” So I never even considered to letting my inhibitions completely go; it just wasn’t an option.

I could never quite resolve this deep-rooted fear with the simple fact that I love cock and cum.

As a poz man, I have come to realize that at my core I am a cum-loving sex pig and there is nothing hotter to me than feeling a guy’s raw dick inside my body. I love thinking about it, I love doing it, I love watching it, and I love hearing about it!

I now find men who are sexually timid to be a complete turn off. I don’t want to teach or feel like I’m dragging anyone into a sexual experience. I want to be joined.

Fear of sex has little place with me anymore. This awakening would never have happened had I not become poz.

As a neg man, I was a typical “serosorter,” Link Opens in a New Window programmed to associate HIV with death. Any man that appeared to have that “HIV-positive look” (usually as a result of side effects of earlier medications and treatments) was completely off limits to me as an HIV-negative man. I realize now that that was my own prejudice because it was rooted in fear and ignorance. But I never recognized it as such, I just thought I was “being safe.”

Ironically, after I seroconverted, I now find poz men incredibly hot. I am now VERY turned on by poz men… but more significantly, I’m even more turned on by uninhibited men. It’s as if coming to terms with my own mortality provoked a strong response to live.

When I see that in other men, I recognize there must be some shared journey in that. I am part of a tribe now, part of a community that embraces its own. In so many ways I am relieved to have shed those HIV prejudices.

I used to screen guys about their status before having sex with them. Based on their sincerity, appearance and/or my intuition, I would determine what I would do sexually — if anything. There was always an element of unpleasant anxiety that went with it, but I never knew anything different, so I just accepted that as part of the deal. Of course there were few after-the-fact scares and I was tested somewhat regularly for HIV and stds.

If a guy told me he was positive or I suspected was positive, then I would usually pass on the encounter. In the back of my mind, I truly thought I was safe from HIV. But this illusion is such bullshit and self-delusional. It’s all fear and mental gymnastics and unsustainable.

So I fucked a guy and seroconverted. I didn’t intend it to happen, but ultimately I’m more grateful than not. Now I can actually relax, find contentment and peace and ton of sexual resolution. I am more into sex now that I have ever been before and have discovered the spiritual-sexual connection between men and the drive to fuck and be fucked…and if a guy tells me he’s poz, my dick starts to swell and my hole aches to be fucked and loaded up.

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