Helping You Out

Helping You Out

Here’s a collection of miscellaneous things that bug me about online profiles:

“Not to be racist but…” or “It’s just a matter of taste…”

Truth is, you’re about to be racist. When’s the last time you read, “Not to be racist but I really only fuck Asians.”

Too much of what men write is what they exclude, not what they include.

Men can’t be blondes

Men are only blonds. It’s one of the few examples where the masculine and feminine matters in the English language. Females are blonde, men are blond. Fucking kills me every time I see it. And speaking of color…

No one’s 50 shades of grey

Unfortunately, our language is getting fucked up thanks to people being unable to figure out Grey is normally a name (it is in the book as it is for anatomy, both the original book and the television show). The official color is gray with an “A.”

HMU DTF

So “hit me up” I’m “down to fuck”? Really? Up and down? I want to go in and out.

“Breeding” means raw

It amazes me when I post an ad somewhere about “loading” or “breeding” an ass and then I get the “safe only” response. Even more amazing is the request that they “just suck me off.”

Uh, no. I’m here for the ass, not for the mouth.

When I say “potent cum,” what do you think I mean?

I’m just asking.

Sup

Fuck you.

What’s up with the abbreviation for etcetera?

If you’re going to go on and on, it’s etc. not ect.

The contractions get me

Please, if you will not go somewhere, you won’t go there… And you want to go elsewhere.

Also, there is no way that there are people out there who don’t understands there’s some contractions out there that the masses seem to misunderstand.

For the most part, I find barebackers are good people; they are often misunderstood and they’re accused of being spreaders of disease and woe. Truth is, barebackers just know their cocks and asses provide a gateway to happiness. Theirs is a life of freedom.

Don’t cry to yo mama

I make it extraordinarily clear that I say some nasty shit when I breed ass. I’m verbal as I approach orgasm.

Just recently it happened again, but this time the fucker didn’t have a choice. I’d mounted him and his little 5-foot-7 frame couldn’t go anywhere. As I am thrusting inside him, I began some of the most horrific things you can say to a bottom.

I’d warned him. Clearly. He knew I’d say things.

He didn’t respond or beg or even whimper. I knew he just wanted it over.

I growled and let it go in his ass, leaning over into his ear: “You asked for this.”

smokerAnd don’t try to lie

I know when someone lies to me. Sometimes I choose to ignore it. Other times, I call the fucker out.

Another thing I make clear is no smokers. All the time, people try to get around it.

“Oh damn,” a guy says the other day after begging me to fuck him. He’d claimed to be a fan and, well, sent me a pic of himself, of all things… smoking. “I quit in May. You won’t smell it on me. I promise.”

Men are known for their veracity. I’m always telling the truth to fuck ass. And I’m sure you’re telling the truth to get cock.

May? Why didn’t you go for last June?

Anyway, he got cut off.

Yes, you fuckers can go ahead and try to mask the smell with cologne and mouthwash, but allow me to point out a couple of salient points:

  • You’ve dulled your senses with smoking so you can’t fucking smell the shit on you.
  • Because the smell adheres everywhere, it’s usually on you in someway.
  • And even more apparent, your lungs are saturated so when you exhale, it can be smelled.
  • It’s even within your bodily fluids like spit, sweat and especially cum (which can stink like a mutherfucker).

Grindr is for babies

What the fuck is up with Grindr?

  1. It doesn’t work.
  2. It has children on it.
  3. It doesn’t work.
  4. The children on it aren’t interested in “hooking up.”
  5. It doesn’t work.

You’re a hooker if you’re shirtless without wildlife

I live in the South, so it’s not odd for me to see photos of people holding up fish, frogs or other creatures from some Redneck hunting expedition while being shirtless. Some gay men post these images as proof of butchness, although when you’re sucking my cock or taking my raw, rockhard cock up your ass and begging for my cum like the little bitch you are, you’re not so butch.

However, if you’re shirtless on any hook-up site or app — this means you, you little Grindr children — and then you add that you’re not here to “hook up,” you’re a hypocrite and a liar.

I don’t shave my balls because I don’t like hair

Lick the sack for larger snack.

My hairy sack tends to get in the way of allowing people to find my spots to give me a lot more pleasure. And the more pleasure I get, the bigger the load they get.

And I shoot big loads, with or without a little licky licky.

Why do you think a barebacker should compromise?

Sometimes I get a horny bottom who insists on a condom, who wants me to fuck them but expects me to be the one to compromise with a condom.

No.

Why should I be the one to compromise?

DDF? Of course!

Everyone online is DDF and clean. Fuck. I’m clean. I took a shower yesterday.

I’ve never seen anyone ever answer other than, “Yes, I’m DDF.” It’s a useless stat. I’ve seen people proudly declare they’re poz or “poz and undetectable,” but I’ve never, ever seen anyone answer the truth when it comes to status.

“Oh I’ve got the clap and a small case of the crabs. It will clear up in a few days.”

“Look, the Valtrex seems to be working. Don’t worry about the Herpes. It’s not like I’m gonna give you the nose-falling-off syphilis.”

Seriously, guys. If you’re “DDF and looking for same,” all you’re going to get is lies.

Understand the status

I’m glad to see more and more people who get the difference between “undetectable and on meds” and “neg, tested 1/13/14.”

Which would you rather fuck?

The answer should be undetectable.

The neg guy hasn’t been tested in more than six months. Cum on.

Curious about the Truvada whores

How many of you “Neg+PrEP” are really on PrEP and how many of you are “Now Neg + Taking Meds”?

 

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  1. Hey there.
    Just found your blog while searching for resources for guys possibly looking for a virgin oral whore.

    Second, I actually read, as opposed to skimmed, the entire section above, and am curious about your opinion regarding something I am trying to assimilate into my specific viewpoint about something. I am a confident, good looking, successful man, natural leader and not one who shies away from much, i.e. why be a big fish in a small pond? Why not be a BIG fish in a BIG pond? I’m not afraid to aim high. That leads to something that irks me; sexually, I am the passive one, and naturally wired toward huge cocks and lots of cum feeding both my holes. But, never beg, or say things like “I”m a worthless faggot who is only good for plowing. Please, please humiliate me, use me, laugh at me, while you plow me.” You are a naturally wired top; I am a masculine naturally wired bottom, right? I know my role. Doms who plow a manly, masculine guy who knows he is meant for them to use like that sexually is hot. Does it turn guys like you on when little bitch boys beg to be fucked? You may as well fuck a real p ussy in that case. Also, married men, to me, are the weakest, most selfish men of all. What kind of a real man hides behind a wife and kids, because he is too much of pussy to own his sexual truth? So he CHOOSES to have a wife and kids, so that means those kids come first, NOT his repressed sexuality. Guys like that represent, to me, the WEAKEST male essence possible. They chose to have kids, instead of coming out of the closet. Therefore, they don’t get to enjoy or have cocks. They chose kids, they should honor their choice and if they can’t live without cock, then they should come clean to their wives, provide for their families financially, yet set her free to find a TRUE straight man, and when the kids get older those men can help them understand why they had to leave and live alone, b/c they did what was best for their kids. Married guys should all be denied cock unless they can prove they are in the midst of becoming single and aren’t hiding any longer.
    You sound like a great top; topping married men may seem like you’re one ujpping them, but in reality, they are getting THEIR needs met, with no consideration of ANYONE else’s. The sex is all about them; if you ever happen to come to Chicago again and we somehow end up where you blast inside me, that is HOT, but what is more HOt is focusing on you and what you want.

  2. Mark, it looks like you have been super busy! No blog post in almost two months.

    What you have been doing, you nasty man? Ha, Ha!!

    Seriously, I look forward to your next blog post. By the way, November is National Blog Posting Month, or NaBloPoMo, for short.

  3. Mark, I first became a WordPress blogger in March, 2012. This is the second post that I have read on a blog that echoes exactly what I AM thinking (and just like that first one, I shall be re-blogging this later).

    First, I fully agree with you on virtually everything. When I was in eighth grade, I had the vocabulary of a college freshman, and there are grammatical and even syntactical errors that I see in general text messages and on messages in apps (such as the one I LOVE the most, Growlr, and that is no sarcasm; as I have had more success using Growlr than Grindr, Mister, Scruff and Hornet COMBINED!).

    I do disagree with a few things. For example, I AM HIV-, and my recent test was within the last six days, as opposed to the last six months.

    Second, I have often told bottoms that I AM quite the guttermouth. There are submissives that I refer to as cunts, pussies, mancunts or boypussies. If the relationship is a Dominant/submissive one, with me being the Dominant, of course, and they have an issue with it, then I think about it, realize that I shall not be censored, and then inform the submissive that he may be better off being another Dominant’s submissive.

    Granted, if someone called me a pussy, I would probably think they were referring to all of me, as opposed to a certain part of my anatomy, and I would be understandably miffed, of course, if someone wants to refer to me as a dick, I might actually agree with them! Ha!

    Seriously, there is so much you wrote in this post with which I fully agree, but I feel that I have already made this comment too long. Thank you so much for writing and publishing this post.

  4. Grey became the established British spelling in the 20th century and it is but a minor variant in American English, according to dictionaries. Canadians tend to prefer grey. Both Grey and Gray are found in proper names everywhere in the English-speaking world. The two spellings are of equal antiquity, and the Oxford English Dictionary states that “each of the current spellings has some analogical support”.

    TL;DR: if your slut says “grey” he might be Canadian or British