Question & Answer: How to Ask a Bareback Top About STDs

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Since you’re obviously so bareback-savvy and articulate, I wonder if you’d mind my asking you a question.

Let me say that i wholeheartedly agree with you that introducing a layer of latex between two men who are doing what men do is just wrong.

That said, there is the reality of STDs, which, in an ideal world, would not exist. What is the best, most appropriate, respectful, way to raise the issue of STDs with a man with whom one is negotiating bareback sex?

Fact #1 (in my case): I’m STD-free (HIV negative, hepatitis a/b/c neg, etc.)  and tested regularly and (sadly) not overly sexually active.

Fact #2: I’m a bottom. hardwired. Sex for me isn’t sex unless there is a man’s dick up my ass. Generally speaking, when I ask a top (who has stated an interest in breeding me) about his STD status, more often than not I’ll get a defensive (or hostile) response suggesting that either (a) i shouldn’t be asking the question; (b) I should be assuming that he’s positive (for whatever); or (c) everyone who barebacks is positive (for whatever), and so on.

Is there no place in bareback sex circles for us negative guys?

 

Of course there’s a place for all bottoms. So let’s break it down a bit.

If you’re making the tops defensive or hostile, you’re offending them — probably coming off as a bossy bottom.

If you’re on BarebackRT.com or other such hook-up websites, you will see a status as far as HIV if they’ve chosen to answer the question (and answer it honestly). Of course, this fails to go further into the whole STD panel. And I’d say getting an honest answer is one of odds.

I’ll be honest here. If a bottom asks me, “Are you poz?” I’ll analyze the motivations of the question tone and usually turn it around and ask “Why” he’s asking. If a bottom asks, “Will you poz my ass?” that’s a completely different question, so I’ll probably suggest that charging him up would be a result.

A question like, “Are you clean?” will get me to say I am.

In other words, I mold my response to the motivation of the question. My ultimate goal is to get the ass I’m pursing.

Men are pigs — top, bottom or otherwise. Counting on an honest answer will leave you with an empty hole, as I’m sure the result already has. Moreover, the indiscretion or just plain sluttiness of men will lead them to lie more often than not.

So where does it leave us?

Largely with gut instinct. I’d suggest, “Quick question, are you clean? I am.” Or, “guaranteed clean hole here, hopefully you are” and see what he responds to that.

Then choose based on what you feel in your gut.

After the question and the response, then move on. Don’t ask any more and cede control back to the top. No one likes a bossy bottom… well, almost no one.

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One Comment on "Question & Answer: How to Ask a Bareback Top About STDs"

  1. Mark, this was a good post. I must confess that I have never been truly comfortable with acknowledging the undesirable qualities we men have, but I feel comfortable reading about them on your blog.

    Also, on the rare occasions that I bottom, I AM not necessarily bossy, but I make sure the top knows what feels good and what does not.

    But I AM dominant, regardless of whether I AM fucking or being fucked.

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