I’ve received a few comments on my stealthing entry. Normally I don’t respond and in many cases, I don’t even bother to publish the fuckers who say shit. But stealthing is different.
I know stealthing is controversial, even among barebackers. And, when I wrote the piece, I expressed my own moment where I thought about my actions.
So allow me to explain.
I believe in accountability of your own actions. You are solely accountable for yourself. As you sit there and begin to formulate your opinions away from the actual situation, step back from your assumptions. My favorite is that the top has balls full of puss-filled, disease-ridden cum and the innocent bottom is clean as Snow White waking after Prince Charming kissed her from slumber.
If you want to be accountable, you must choose your own course and avoid those circumstances that might not be what some idiots consider “safe.”
(And as a note, the only “safe” sex is no sex.)
This isn’t to criticize the feedback at all. This is to say people need to think through their decisions. Too many just see the immediate moments and not the larger picture.
going to a sex club is not an invitation for stealthing just like walking in a shaddy neighborhood is not an invitation to get robbed.
Well, let’s just say going to a sex club makes it more likely you will have sex. While in a sex club, you need to be aware of your surroundings and take the precautions you need to assure you are not stealthed.
If I go to a shady neighborhood (which I probably wouldn’t), I would be more likely to get robbed. Now if I walk around flashing money and not paying attention to the cash, then I will be robbed. I will ask for it. The bottom did that.
so if a trick you bring home does what he wants and takes your wallet, ipod/iphone/laptop, etc on his way out, that’s to be expected because you are bringing someone you don’t know into your apartment? or if you get roofied at a bar, that’s to be expected because you didn’t watch your drink closely enough? conceptually, there is little difference between lying to someone about using a condom so they don’t say no to getting fucked and giving someone a roofie so they physically can’t say no to getting fucked.
Exactly. You’re getting accountability.
When I invite a trick over, all my valuables that can be carried are carefully hidden and his movements are monitored. Plus, I always make sure I’ve got his photo and a cell. When his car pulls up outside my house, I usually snap a photo of his vehicle for the police if something unfortunate does occur. I’m most concerned about my ID because it’s more of a bitch to get replaced.
When I go to someone’s house, I only take in my car keys and cell phone (same at a sex club). Oh, and I do bring poppers. Anyway, I never bring an ID (unless you need it to get into the club, then that’s all I bring and I’ll lock it up).
As for drinks, I never trust someone to make my drinks. If someone gets me one, I watch it being made. It’s never out of my sight. If it’s ever out of my sight, the drink is accidentally spilled.
So I’m all for barebacking and people being responsible for their own actions and decisions. I’m a doctor and I’m always telling people about the risks of their behaviors. If they want help changing their behavior, sexual, smoking, etc, I help them, but I never force change on them. But when you stealth someone don’t you take away their ability to be responsible for their own behavior?
No. If you’re a bottom and you want a top to use a condom, here’s how you handle it.
- Buy your own condoms. You need to make sure they’re strong and not easy to break. So you have to buy a few different kinds until you find the right ones.
- Bring your own condoms with you. Do not rely on the top for condoms and lube. I fucking hate bottoms who ask if the top has condoms and lube. I don’t need condoms and lube. I’ve got spit. I don’t use condoms. We’re good.
- You put the condom onto the hardened cock of the top. This means you open up the condom during sexual activity and you do all the fucking work. Do not ever hand it to the top. Don’t rely on the top for it. YOU do it.
- You then guide the cock to the hole and slip it in. Once you put the condom on, don’t take your hand off the cock until it’s inside your ass.
- Monitor the fucking. If the top ever comes completely out or you switch positions, your hand goes to the cock to guide it in and you check the tip. Use the excuse to add more lube. Doesn’t matter.
- Don’t get pissed if the top walks off or goes soft. I will. I’d walk off. Fucking with a condom also makes me go soft unless the bottom is super tight and that’s very, very rare (and I know all you bottoms love to say you’re tight; sorry; you’re not).
- Condoms still fail up to 15 percent of the time so suck him off if you got the skills. Most of you don’t.
So look, I end up helping those of you who want to use the damn condoms. Not so happy about that one.Stealthing and Answering the Critics... And Advice for the Condom-Using Bottoms at Sex Clubs,
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